When Ropes Go (Hysterically) Wrong

When I unfurled the first rope to begin our scene and the tails knocked over a glass of wine, I should have taken it as a sign that this wasn’t going to be my night.

My friend Layla was interested in being tied. Unlike previous partners, her interest was mostly in the aesthetic of tying and the beauty of the rope. Her unique perspective drove my desire to get her to an event. Since I’m more into the sensual nature of tying and also the aesthetics, I thought this would be a perfect fit. Turned out to be more like to stubborn Taurus’s butting heads.

I took her to a BDSM party and it was a lot of fun, but the night went way differently than I hoped. For example, I didn’t really consider what she does for a living and how this might impact her in a rope scene. She works in theater production and, among other things, is often rigging people or things for the stage. So she was bringing a level of technical knowledge into the scene that I’d never experienced before. And she kept asking about what I was doing with the rope.

Continue reading When Ropes Go (Hysterically) Wrong

Intersection of Kink and Sex

I’ve shared a lot of thoughts lately about kink and intimacy and energy without sex. So what about the intersection of kink and sex? When is this appropriate and what are the guidelines?

It’s a tricky topic. I remember telling a friend who is pretty vanilla but curious how kink scenes are distinct activities. She said, “so, wait, there’s no sex?” And I remember struggling to answer this. For me, most kink scenes are separate from sexual encounters, even if sex may follow a scene. This is very partner dependent, but for me, a kink scene requires aftercare before there is sex. And so far this was almost always the case for me – negotiation, scene, aftercare, possibility of sex.

What happens when they get mixed? Continue reading Intersection of Kink and Sex

And, I’m back!

After the exhaustion of the previous three weeks and the weird House of Love party, I was confused. What was next and what did I really want to happen? I was just about to give up and take a break, but fortunately life had other plans, putting me back on track and back into my body.

I kicked off the week with a friend for happy hour, setting the stage for a good mood all around. Then, on Tuesday night, we had plans to go to a BDSM Party with T. I was so thrilled to be embarking on this journey with her, shepherding her exploration. We all set intentions on the subway there, putting forth three desires each. My desires were: 1) to stay awake (since I had been up since 3am); 2) to play in some way at the party; and 3) to interact and flirt with others.

As we walked into the venue, I was overcome with anxiety, but tried to push past it. We were immediately welcomed into the event and soon met a number of people, actively engaging in various conversations. I saw that T was taken care of as she talked at length with the organizer and I knew that Viktor could fend for himself, so I relaxed and enjoyed meeting new people and observing a few kink scenes from the sidelines.

Continue reading And, I’m back!

The Importance of Being Earnest

My fifth erotic party was yet again another adventure, filled with unexpected plot twists and turns. Several weeks ago, Jay expressed an interest in attending (after I had shared about the previous parties) and had asked me if I would like to go with him as a couple. I immediately replied yes and looked forward to the event. The theme was Alice in Wonderland: Down the Bunny Hole. I asked him “Alice or Queen of Hearts?” He replied: Alice, to which Viktor then told me that he no longer liked Jay – but, of course, he was only kidding.

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men…
Jokes aside, I actually decided that the Queen of Hearts persona was more my style and had fun planning my costume. A few days before the party, Jay and I met for coffee to discuss our intentions and desires for the event. We agreed that full nudity and intercourse at the party was not on the menu because I hadn’t felt comfortable with this idea at the other parties; the thought of being so vulnerable in such a public place filled with me dread, not desire.

We also determined that we were going to go together but with the understanding that we would be free to hang out separately on occasion and that we would check in with one another as the evening proceeded. I told him about Ryan, who would once again be demonstrating Shibari at the party. He had heard about my suspension session with Ryan at the February party, but I now impressed upon him that things had progressed and he seemed OK with it, noting the way I talked about him (Ryan). I also advised Jay that Jake and Mia would be at the party so he wouldn’t be blindsided, as I had had a text from them earlier in the evening, letting me know that they would be in attendance.

Continue reading The Importance of Being Earnest

She Said: Love, Lips, Lust

adult black and white body female

Synchronicity in the City (& Other Sexy Stories)… Coined by Carl Jung, synchronicity refers to an unrelated coincidence that your mind attaches meaning to. But whether it is simply a Jungian construct or not, there are some things that just seem destined.

For example, on Thursday night I was flipping through various profiles on a dating app and came across one for a beguiling couple. Intrigued, I clicked “like” and was advised that we matched. A few minutes later, I received a text from the male half of the couple, Jason, reaching out to introduce himself. He expressed interest and we traded a few texts before I went to bed.

The next day, we resumed our thread and Jason asked if I wanted to meet him and his partner, Betty, for drinks Friday night since they would be at a music venue that evening in the city. I was interested in the opportunity to meet up, but, we soon agreed that the timing wouldn’t work out since I had my date with Jay that night. As we continued chatting, they mentioned that they were going to a party on Saturday night. Since Viktor and I were also attending a party on Saturday night, I wondered if we might be going to the same place. Sure enough, we would all be at the same event! So, we planned to meet up the next night.

Continue reading She Said: Love, Lips, Lust

He Said: Love, Lips, Lust

(Another long post, another terrific story!)

Over the last 2-3 months it feels like we’ve been hibernating. Expansion and contraction are natural and this was clearly a needed period of contraction and reflection. But during that time, this didn’t seem obvious and I was wondering if the “magic” of our sexual explorations had worn off.

Not only has the magic returned, it is more powerful than ever.

Let me start with a short “catch up” to set the scene…

  1. After some fun events in late fall, Jeannie and I both seemed to shut down a bit – a result of a number of factors.
  2. There were some fantastic intimate encounters between us in this period. And while they were very powerful, they felt isolated and disconnected from our path.
  3. Winter, while overall mild so far, had a few really brutal spells which may have forced the hibernation feeling.
  4. Travel and a brutal cold (for Jeannie) were also disruptive.
  5. We didn’t have a lot of leads on outside partners, either – and no great parties to attend where we might meet some.

Continue reading He Said: Love, Lips, Lust

Eyes Wide Open

woman girl eyes blur

With an All Hallow’s Eve theme and mandate to don masks, the third erotic party I attended had a different feel to it from the very start. The hostess further suggested more formal attire than she had previously done, which imbued the event with an Eyes Wide Shut vibe. And, as an added dimension, she underscored the importance of being unmasked, revealing what lies beneath and exposing what is hidden from others.

Also, this was my first time attending this party with Viktor (I had attended the two previous ones without him — see Let’s Get this Party Started and Return to the Scene ) and with my friend, Dan. Their attendance added both excitement and anxiety as I considered their needs as well as my own. Continue reading Eyes Wide Open

All Tied Up … a busy birthday weekend!

art artistic blank book

My birthday is very important to me and I consider it to be my favorite holiday. Given its importance, Viktor knows how much I appreciate his attention to planning something special. This year, we decided to use rewards points to splurge on a stay at an upscale hotel. I booked the room for the Saturday night after my birthday, but, beyond that, I left the planning up to Viktor.

We are generally very open with one another and don’t keep secrets, so if one of us wants to plan anything clandestine, we have to be explicit in this intent. For example, on any given day, we receive a variety of packages from Amazon. Most of them are boring: dog food, undershirts, laundry detergent, etc. Given the mundane nature of such parcels, I usually open them upon receipt. However, when Viktor is up to something, he advises me not to open any packages, and I am happy to oblige. Continue reading All Tied Up … a busy birthday weekend!

Learning the Ropes

Shibari. While Shibari is quite possibly the wrong term (technically) to use in most kinkster vocabulary, it’s the most common term used in the west to capture the idea of “Japanese Bondage.” I’ll spare you the dissertation on word origin and usage… Let’s just agree, simply speaking, that Shibari is the “Japanese art of rope play.” To be clear, this may be all about aesthetics and art, or it could be something painful and intense; it may include sex, it may not. My point: ropes are complicated. And for Westerners, Shibari is a good catch all term for those that admire any aspect of rope play – especially if there’s an artistic note to it.

For kinksters, ropes are complicated

Nomenclature aside, both Jeannie and I have expressed interest in rope play. We’ve had a modest number of bondage scenes using black, nylon rope – a good selection for beginners as it is easy to work with, comfortable, and unlikely to cause injury. However, we both also expressed that the aesthetic nature of Shibari, and the idea of restraint and suspension, also carried great appeal for us. Shibari is a true art that requires instruction, practice, and commitment. Where simple bondage play can be done by almost anyone, Shibari “riggers” (those doing the tying) have to make a commitment to hone their skills. And while generally safe, the use of natural rope, and the act of suspension, carry inherent dangers that need to be understood and mitigated.

Continue reading Learning the Ropes