kink – Summer of Sexiness

Isolation Activities for Kinksters

This post will NOT be entirely about kink, but will include kink. This post WILL, however, likely resonate with all kinksters as there are common threads in how we all behave.

For several days now I’ve been trying to write a post called “Love and Lust in Isolation” to recap all my (virtual) sexy connections since “stay at home” began. I keep stalling on that post and I’m not sure why. But when a kinkster friend asked me to recap my group activities, I had little trouble emailing them a small novella! So I guess I’ll start with this more general post and go back to my one-on-one stories later. In the meantime, know that there are two new partners that will come to a blog post near you very soon: Rita and Anne – both virtual. Well, they are real people, but the play has been virtual!

Now, for my sex positive friends out there, here’s my “recommended reading list for isolation” – but replace reading with activity and we’re all set!

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A Kinky Reset

October was quite a month. Jeannie continued seeking a boyfriend. The girlfriend relationship I’d (gladly) stumbled upon got very real. Jeannie and I celebrated our anniversary and reconnected in Miami. We had intense conversations about love and being in love. And I fell into one of my mental spirals allowing my mind to make up terrible stories based on absolutely zero reality. Through all of this we were on an emotional roller coaster of extreme highs and lows.

As we entered November, we were feeling a bit drained, but also very encouraged that this series of ups and downs were complete. We also had to step it up a bit because our friend T would be in town and we had some fun plans in store. T recently decided she wanted to explore kink and asked if we could find some events or activities where she could get her feet wet.

We found an event and the evening became so much more than any of us could have hoped!

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Safe, Sane, Consensual & Super Hot!

My first date with Gary went really well and we were both eager for me to explore BDSM in a more safe, sane and consensual manner than previously. Due to travel and other commitments, it was three weeks before we next met up, but in the interim there was a lot of texting back and forth. Some of it was simply planning logistics, but Gary also did a great job of giving me lots of information in the lead up to our date. Plus, his communication increased in frequency and intensity as the day got closer.

In fact, on the actual day of our date, the texts came more often and became more explicit, building excitement and anticipation. Starting at noon (we were meeting at 6pm), he began to count down the hours, sending a text on the hour, every hour, and connecting the number of hours to go with something sexual. With two hours to go, there was an extremely visceral response within my body to his text “2….. words Yes Sir” at 5:00 PM. I was already looking forward to the date but now, I was even more turned on to see him!

We met up at my local wine bar for a lovely meal before heading to my apartment. At dinner and then afterward, we continued to tease out the details of what was to come. We agreed to a medley of activities that started with an “Intro to Impact Play 101.”

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Book Report: The History of BDSM

As we seek to increase our understanding and knowledge of BDSM, Viktor shared an article with me, which I also sent along to Matt. He was pleased to learn more since he is very new to kink and BDSM. In response to reading the article, he posited the question:

Is [BDSM] a new thing? Did it exist in ancient times? Or is it only a byproduct of the Industrial Age giving rise to leisure time? Because it’s a world full of rules and shared terminology…who’s writing the rules?”

His query piqued my interest and I advised him of my desire to find out. He also expressed interest in pursuing the question and then sharing the information, so I suggested that we write “book reports” which would be due on our next date.

Here is my report:

While the term BDSM, which comprises the activities of Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism is a more modern acronym, historical evidence through archeology, art and architecture provides proof that BDSM did, in fact, exist in ancient – very ancient – times. In addition, cultural evidence in the guise of books, magazines, comics and movies (and now the Internet) offers up further guidance on how BDSM has evolved and changed as a consequence of human cultural evolution.
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Getting Better at BDSM

I was a little disappointed to say goodbye to Brady but was actually more disappointed to give up what had seemed to be an exciting D/s relationship. I have clearly been seeking such an arrangement for some time by evidence of other potential connections and matches on the app that had, as of yet, yielded nothing.

However, more recently, I matched with Gary who has significant experience and knowledge in the D/s scene. In fact, while I was unaware of this until we met face-to-face, he actually teaches classes around the city and plans to write an instructional guidebook on the subject.

Needless to say, he was aghast when I shared my Brady story with him, but thankfully he recognized that I was aware of my mistakes and would be much wiser going forward. We had a lovely first date at a wine bar near Union Square and talked through our interests and desires in connection with life in general and BDSM in particular.

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A Little MORE Conversation

While Elvis crooned, “A little less conversation, a little more action, please” and also – funnily enough in this context – went on to ask for “more bite” and “less fight,” it’s not exactly a recipe for success in BDSM.

Admittedly, although Viktor and I took a full-day course with Dom Om Rupani, once upon a time, we are still relatively new to the scene. And, I am more aware of my naivete now that I have had time to reflect on my encounter with Brady.

As I traveled home from our date, Brady texted me to thank me for a lovely evening and added, “Next time. Hopefully soon.” Nearly two weeks passed without comment, so I sent him a quick “Happy Friday.” He responded later that day, at which point I advised him that I was surprised not to have heard from him for a debrief of our scene. He apologized for the lack of communication, citing an upcoming deadline for his latest book along with planned travel.

While I acknowledged his busy schedule, I pushed back on my request for a debrief. He agreed, promised to be in touch upon his return home and followed up accordingly. We eventually arranged to meet for a drink on a Saturday afternoon at the King Cole Bar at the St. Regis Hotel (he apparently has a love of classic NYC hotels).

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Innocent’ish

I waited until I was 18 to lose my virginity; not ancient but not precocious either. I then married at age 26 with only a handful of serious sexual relationships in between. The next 15+ years were those with limited sex. I wouldn’t say that we had a sexless marriage per se, but perhaps more correctly an undersexed marriage. Therefore, I don’t feel as experienced as I might given my current age and feel very new to many aspects of sex itself aside from my journey into the realm of polyamory and an open marriage. So, I sometimes feel a little lost and unsure if I am “doing it right,” when I am with new partners who have more knowledge and exposure than I have.

All about that bass
You want to stick what where? What’s up with the fascination with anal sex? This has to be the most common question I am asked when we start talking about sexual likes and dislikes. I guess I am pretty sheltered in this regard because I didn’t realize how mainstream this seems to have become.

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The safe-word is…

As previously shared, I met Brady back in April and we had a fun first date. We bonded over cocktails, which led to an intense (and inappropriate) make-out session at an uptown lounge. When he expressed his desire to go out again, he indicated that he would prefer to go somewhere with more privacy (so as not to shock fellow patrons again) and shared that he wanted to spend more time with my sexy persona. I readily agreed and we picked a date for the following month given our mutually busy schedules.

We arranged to meet at an upscale bar (initially the Roosevelt Hotel rooftop lounge, which turned out to be closed for renovations), to give us the opportunity to reconnect after the four-week hiatus. I had been more casually dressed for our first date, so I made up for my error with an overtly sexy, black and nude, lace cocktail dress, which very much met with Brady’s approval.

Over drinks, Brady brought up the topic of a safe-word and stated that it would be… safe-word. I knew from our first date that he was into spanking, but we hadn’t discussed much else in the way of D/s play, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. Plus, this was only our second time meeting each other, so I was both excited and nervous at the same time, not knowing precisely what was in store.

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He Said: Love, Lips, Lust

(Another long post, another terrific story!)

Over the last 2-3 months it feels like we’ve been hibernating. Expansion and contraction are natural and this was clearly a needed period of contraction and reflection. But during that time, this didn’t seem obvious and I was wondering if the “magic” of our sexual explorations had worn off.

Not only has the magic returned, it is more powerful than ever.

Let me start with a short “catch up” to set the scene…

After some fun events in late fall, Jeannie and I both seemed to shut down a bit – a result of a number of factors.
There were some fantastic intimate encounters between us in this period. And while they were very powerful, they felt isolated and disconnected from our path.
Winter, while overall mild so far, had a few really brutal spells which may have forced the hibernation feeling.
Travel and a brutal cold (for Jeannie) were also disruptive.
We didn’t have a lot of leads on outside partners, either – and no great parties to attend where we might meet some.

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Keys to Kink: Research & Communication

Yeah, I know how this sounds… research and communication hardly sound like hot and sexy words or activities. And kink should be hot and sexy, right? Yep, for sure! And I’ll show you that research and communication are not only the keys to kink, they are hot and sexy as well. (At least in this context and maybe not so much to a student in the library at all hours. Unless their kink is a sexy librarian!)

Research

Starting with research, pick a kink and type it into your favorite search engine. (Put your browser in Incognito or Private mode if you are worries about this search being remembered.) I put in “Shibari” and all of the top links contain a combination of useful information, sexy imagery and/or hot and kinky videos. I challenge you to go online, or, GASP<!>, open a book to learn about a kink and NOT get turned on in the process. Even the most fundamental HOW TO guides have no choice but to venture into the erotic realm. Using my Shibari example, the fourth paragraph on the top search result reads as follows:

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