Tag: bondage

Intersection of Kink and Sex

I’ve shared a lot of thoughts lately about kink and intimacy and energy without sex. So what about the intersection of kink and sex? When is this appropriate and what are the guidelines?

It’s a tricky topic. I remember telling a friend who is pretty vanilla but curious how kink scenes are distinct activities. She said, “so, wait, there’s no sex?” And I remember struggling to answer this. For me, most kink scenes are separate from sexual encounters, even if sex may follow a scene. This is very partner dependent, but for me, a kink scene requires aftercare before there is sex. And so far this was almost always the case for me – negotiation, scene, aftercare, possibility of sex.

What happens when they get mixed? Continue reading Intersection of Kink and Sex

A Question of Balance

I’ve had a lot of rewarding experiences lately; to recap just a few weeks:

And most recently, I took Avalon, another first timer, to a BDSM party and had an absolutely amazing experience. I tied her, teased her with some tactile toys, and flogged her. She reached a decent sub space and we spoke several times over the next few days as she rode a euphoria that she’d never felt before. Now four days out, she’s back to “normal life” with a new grounding in herself that is helping her cope with some depression. It’s such a beautiful thing!

While most of these experiences have been non-sexual, Jeannie and I are having the best sex of our lives together!

Continue reading A Question of Balance

And, I’m back!

After the exhaustion of the previous three weeks and the weird House of Love party, I was confused. What was next and what did I really want to happen? I was just about to give up and take a break, but fortunately life had other plans, putting me back on track and back into my body.

I kicked off the week with a friend for happy hour, setting the stage for a good mood all around. Then, on Tuesday night, we had plans to go to a BDSM Party with T. I was so thrilled to be embarking on this journey with her, shepherding her exploration. We all set intentions on the subway there, putting forth three desires each. My desires were: 1) to stay awake (since I had been up since 3am); 2) to play in some way at the party; and 3) to interact and flirt with others.

As we walked into the venue, I was overcome with anxiety, but tried to push past it. We were immediately welcomed into the event and soon met a number of people, actively engaging in various conversations. I saw that T was taken care of as she talked at length with the organizer and I knew that Viktor could fend for himself, so I relaxed and enjoyed meeting new people and observing a few kink scenes from the sidelines.

Continue reading And, I’m back!

A Kinky Reset

October was quite a month. Jeannie continued seeking a boyfriend. The girlfriend relationship I’d (gladly) stumbled upon got very real. Jeannie and I celebrated our anniversary and reconnected in Miami. We had intense conversations about love and being in love. And I fell into one of my mental spirals allowing my mind to make up terrible stories based on absolutely zero reality. Through all of this we were on an emotional roller coaster of extreme highs and lows.

As we entered November, we were feeling a bit drained, but also very encouraged that this series of ups and downs were complete. We also had to step it up a bit because our friend T would be in town and we had some fun plans in store. T recently decided she wanted to explore kink and asked if we could find some events or activities where she could get her feet wet.

We found an event and the evening became so much more than any of us could have hoped!

Continue reading A Kinky Reset

Book Report: The History of BDSM

As we seek to increase our understanding and knowledge of BDSM, Viktor shared an article with me, which I also sent along to Matt. He was pleased to learn more since he is very new to kink and BDSM. In response to reading the article, he posited the question:

Is [BDSM] a new thing? Did it exist in ancient times? Or is it only a byproduct of the Industrial Age giving rise to leisure time? Because it’s a world full of rules and shared terminology…who’s writing the rules?”

His query piqued my interest and I advised him of my desire to find out. He also expressed interest in pursuing the question and then sharing the information, so I suggested that we write “book reports” which would be due on our next date.

Here is my report:

While the term BDSM, which comprises the activities of Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism is a more modern acronym, historical evidence through archeology, art and architecture provides proof that BDSM did, in fact, exist in ancient – very ancient – times. In addition, cultural evidence in the guise of books, magazines, comics and movies (and now the Internet) offers up further guidance on how BDSM has evolved and changed as a consequence of human cultural evolution.
 Continue reading Book Report: The History of BDSM

The safe-word is…

As previously shared, I met Brady back in April and we had a fun first date. We bonded over cocktails, which led to an intense (and inappropriate) make-out session at an uptown lounge. When he expressed his desire to go out again, he indicated that he would prefer to go somewhere with more privacy (so as not to shock fellow patrons again) and shared that he wanted to spend more time with my sexy persona. I readily agreed and we picked a date for the following month given our mutually busy schedules.

We arranged to meet at an upscale bar (initially the Roosevelt Hotel rooftop lounge, which turned out to be closed for renovations), to give us the opportunity to reconnect after the four-week hiatus. I had been more casually dressed for our first date, so I made up for my error with an overtly sexy, black and nude, lace cocktail dress, which very much met with Brady’s approval.

Over drinks, Brady brought up the topic of a safe-word and stated that it would be… safe-word. I knew from our first date that he was into spanking, but we hadn’t discussed much else in the way of D/s play, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. Plus, this was only our second time meeting each other, so I was both excited and nervous at the same time, not knowing precisely what was in store.

Continue reading The safe-word is…

It’s Beauty and Rage

“But you saw more
You saw my deepest part
With the light of a thousand stars
You saw them, awake in me

And through your eyes
You show me everything
You woke me up inside
Brought back to life
I lost myself
Now I breathe again”

The title of this post comes from the refrain of one of my favorite songs to dance to in class: The Ever by Red. And, with this emphasis on rage, beauty, and haunting lyrics that speak to being seen, I thought it was perfectly apropos for sharing this experience.

Specifically, I had a profound dance at S Factor last weekend during an EC (Erotic Creature) Romp — a 4-hour, immersive workshop. During my first dance, I had my hands tied behind my back. It felt thrilling, straining against the binds — the yearning to touch, to break free…and the vulnerability of being bound and restrained. I pulled against the taut strings; it was like music being drawn out slowly through the air. I felt the raw depth of forcing my body into new shapes, breaking old/stagnant patterns and pushing against bonds and boundaries.

Continue reading It’s Beauty and Rage

Nights of twine and poses

A few days after our first date, Ryan came over after work to spend the night with me. Viktor was out of town on business, so he wouldn’t hijack our date this time around (wink) and it gave us a chance to get to know each other better and explore our intimacy further.

Upon Ryan’s arrival, I opened up a bottle of wine so we could relax into the evening and unwind from the day. It felt great to see him and be held and kissed and I had to reluctantly drag myself away to go to the kitchen for the wine.

Continue reading Nights of twine and poses

He Said: Love, Lips, Lust

(Another long post, another terrific story!)

Over the last 2-3 months it feels like we’ve been hibernating. Expansion and contraction are natural and this was clearly a needed period of contraction and reflection. But during that time, this didn’t seem obvious and I was wondering if the “magic” of our sexual explorations had worn off.

Not only has the magic returned, it is more powerful than ever.

Let me start with a short “catch up” to set the scene…

  1. After some fun events in late fall, Jeannie and I both seemed to shut down a bit – a result of a number of factors.
  2. There were some fantastic intimate encounters between us in this period. And while they were very powerful, they felt isolated and disconnected from our path.
  3. Winter, while overall mild so far, had a few really brutal spells which may have forced the hibernation feeling.
  4. Travel and a brutal cold (for Jeannie) were also disruptive.
  5. We didn’t have a lot of leads on outside partners, either – and no great parties to attend where we might meet some.

Continue reading He Said: Love, Lips, Lust