This has been a busy and productive time for Viktor and me as we spent the past several months committed to ourselves and to our marriage. And, while things are great now, it took a long time to get that way.
In early November, we each broke up with our respective partners. Those first few days were rough for both of us, having cut off all contact with Justina and Alex. As we joked, it was an elimination diet as we went through the symptoms of withdrawal.
As we struggled to deal with our break-ups, there were times when we thought we were on the brink of divorce — not because we wanted to, but we wondered if we were really still on the same page. Did we both want the same things going forward? And if so, what were they?
Thankfully, by early December, we had found our footing and, while we knew there was still much work to do, we felt that we had turned a corner and that divorce no longer loomed large.
With time, energy and effort, we have been able to not only save our marriage, but to strengthen it. We have determined that our first priority is to each other and our marriage. We are rededicated to our joint emotional and physical intimacy as we rebuilt and restored the foundations of our relationship. We have focused on finding ourselves and on finding our connection to one another, with a renewed sense of our destiny as soulmates.
Moreover, we have made a significant investment in creating two (admittedly lengthy) documents: A Relationship Agreement and a corresponding Appendix. The first outlines how we want to conduct ourselves in the context of our marriage, addressing our individual needs; setting guidelines for honesty, communication and how to handle conflicts; and determining how we wish to approach intimacy, emotional growth and self-care.
Meanwhile, the Appendix (which was accidentally dubbed the Appendage by a friend’s slip of the tongue that has now stuck) spells out our desires, boundaries, rules, etc. for being open. We clearly define the ways in which our marriage will be monogamous (i.e., structural) and how it will be ethically and consensually non-monogamous. We delineate the hierarchical nature of our relationship and have created our own scale of connection types, which range from Stranger to Soulmate. As we re-open our relationship, we hope that we are much wiser, more intentional and clearer about what we do and don’t want.
So, with both “contracts” signed, sealed and delivered, we can truly say that we are indeed on the same page.
Among other important pages, I am excited and proud to announce that I have just published my book: Summer of Sexiness: A Self Awakening*. This has been a lifelong dream and I am delighted to share my story with those who want to read it.
*If you are a regular reader of this blog, the explicit nature of the book will be of no surprise, but for those who are new to us, you have been warned.