For a short month, February was an excessively busy and productive one. In the span of three weeks, I attended (and performed at) an erotic party, introduced Jon, Jay, Jacob and Lee, Betty and Jason, Perry, Ryan and Lane into my life, saw the return of Jack and Maria for a full swap, had several sex dates and more. Wow, no wonder I am tired!
In like a lion? March’s arrival heralds the tenth month of the Summer of Sexiness (which doesn’t make sense from a calendar point of view, but, whatever, the Summer of Sexiness is a frame of mind, not an actual season!).
Anyway, it’s really hard to fathom that so much time has passed already. It truly feels like it was just May and I was attending that first erotic party that set everything in motion. And, yet, here we are, only two months away from May’s return.
Regardless of the passage of time, I am so grateful to be on this journey and for all that I am learning about myself and about our relationship.
On my first date with Jon, he asked me what the rules were with regard to my marriage and dating. I wasn’t sure how to answer him initially, but eventually did note that there weren’t too many hard and fast rules and underscored the most important one was condoms.
After giving it some thought post-date, I have decided to put together a concise list of rules so that I will have it handy for future questions.
Our 7 Simple Rules 1. Condoms are always required.
2. No relationships with the others’ friends.
3. No relationships associated with the others’ work/industry/career.
4. No sex/related activities in the marital bed unless BOTH partners are involved.
5. No secrets.
6. Share everything (in juicy detail).
7. Respect yourself and your boundaries at all times
When I was discussing rules on my date with Jay, he mentioned two that he and his wife have:
1. Protect the relationship
2. No lingerie purchases
I really like his first point, but, as a lingerie addict, I am not quite as keen on the second as a recipient of his attention (but not gifts of bras and panties). Although, of course, I definitely don’t want Viktor using up my lingerie budget on anyone else either, so I totally get it.
Synchronicity in the City (& Other Sexy Stories)… Coined by Carl Jung, synchronicity refers to an unrelated coincidence that your mind attaches meaning to. But whether it is simply a Jungian construct or not, there are some things that just seem destined.
For example, on Thursday night I was flipping through various profiles on a dating app and came across one for a beguiling couple. Intrigued, I clicked “like” and was advised that we matched. A few minutes later, I received a text from the male half of the couple, Jason, reaching out to introduce himself. He expressed interest and we traded a few texts before I went to bed.
The next day, we resumed our thread and Jason asked if I wanted to meet him and his partner, Betty, for drinks Friday night since they would be at a music venue that evening in the city. I was interested in the opportunity to meet up, but, we soon agreed that the timing wouldn’t work out since I had my date with Jay that night. As we continued chatting, they mentioned that they were going to a party on Saturday night. Since Viktor and I were also attending a party on Saturday night, I wondered if we might be going to the same place. Sure enough, we would all be at the same event! So, we planned to meet up the next night.
Over the last 2-3 months it feels like we’ve been hibernating. Expansion and contraction are natural and this was clearly a needed period of contraction and reflection. But during that time, this didn’t seem obvious and I was wondering if the “magic” of our sexual explorations had worn off.
Not only has the magic returned, it is more powerful than ever.
Let me start with a short “catch up” to set the scene…
After some fun events in late fall, Jeannie and I both seemed to shut down a bit – a result of a number of factors.
There were some fantastic intimate encounters between us in this period. And while they were very powerful, they felt isolated and disconnected from our path.
Winter, while overall mild so far, had a few really brutal spells which may have forced the hibernation feeling.
Travel and a brutal cold (for Jeannie) were also disruptive.
We didn’t have a lot of leads on outside partners, either – and no great parties to attend where we might meet some.
Paper or plastic? Side of fries or a side salad? We have a lot of decisions to make on a daily basis. Most of them unimportant, some more pressing. In the context of the Summer of Sexiness, I have been grappling with what I want in the context of singular or plural. More specifically, do I want to date (singular) or do I want to play with others (plural)?
This dilemma has become more immediate since we signed up for a (new to us) dating app especially geared for polyamorous people. Initially, Viktor took the lead in identifying potential matches, focused on finding a guy to bring into our bedroom and has met at least two in person thus far. This has triggered me a bit, since such actions make things more real and tangible and I have had a few moments of (mild) panic. But I am not sure precisely where the fear lies. What am I afraid of? Continue reading Singular or Plural?
It was Labor Day — one last hurrah before the pressures of work and life were permitted to press down on us once again. Well, maybe that’s a bit too dramatic, but we did feel that it would be our last opportunity to head to the beach for the summer. Thus, we were delighted when the day appeared to be a beautiful one, perfect for enjoying the sun and sand. And to muse on the Summer of Sexiness as the (formal) season drew to a close.
I had visited Gunnison Beach, the nude beach at New Jersey’s Sandy Hook, earlier in the summer with a friend and had a really great time. It was a very comfortable vibe, with friendly people and no pressure; simply the joy of being naked. Viktor was eager to experience it for himself, so our beach destination was easy and we got ourselves ready, packing up the car with beach towels, sandwiches and beverages. Continue reading Back to the beach
When we first started talking about the concept of an open marriage, I wanted to create a formal contract. I originally got the idea from a woman I had met at a Jaiya event who had a lover, as did her husband. She told me about their agreement and promised to send me a copy of their contract. She never did, but I liked the idea of codifying everything upfront.