After my amazing and intimate experience dancing the other night, I was looking forward to my next date with Justina just three nights later. She’d been really busy and I wasn’t feeling as closely connected as before, so I welcomed this alone time to reconnect. She made it clear to me earlier that day that she wasn’t in a very sexy mood. And since we’d mostly planned on cuddles and snuggles, I was fine removing sex from the menu. Especially at a time when I was channeling so much non-sexual energy, it seemed everything was aligned.
We spent most of the evening snuggled on her couch watching a movie. We also talked and caught up on lots of things simply because we hadn’t had time over the last few weeks. This was all quite nice, and very relaxing, but things didn’t really click (for me at least) until it was getting quite late. This was a “school night” after all!
In the remaining half hour before we ultimately went to sleep, I finally felt the connection I was craving. I can’t put my finger on what shifted, but the intimacy energy just began to flow. The rest of the evening had been great, and I was feeling very relaxed, so that alone would have made for a memorable night. But layering on the intimacy that Justina and I share, and really having the chance to feel it, that was important to me.
The Power Of Inanimate Objects
Eventually we agreed it was time for bed and she went to take a shower. I got cozy in her bed and cuddled up with one of her plushies. I cannot tell you the last time I snuggled with a stuffed animal, but it was remarkably soothing and grounding. For the time Justina was in the shower, I could feel a lot of emotion flowing through me. I felt some negative energy that had built up from my own insecurities begin to dissipate. I also felt a very calming energy wrapping around me. The plushy was like a security blanket aiding in this energy transfer.
Justina eventually climbed into bed with me and we talked a little more before drifting off into sleepy-land. Neither of us are “cuddle sleepers,” but I was still craving physical contact so much, so I draped an arm across her back as a compromise. Justina slept much more easily than me, and she would gently roll into me now and then. When she did, the feeling of her body against mine, and the rhythm of her breathing, was both seductive and soothing. Eventually, I found my breathing mirroring hers and that’s what ultimately lulled me to sleep.
Anxiety Dreams, and Morning Cuddles
I spent the night in and out of sleep, but always very relaxed. I definitely reached REM sleep because I had some vivid dreams, but I don’t think I was ever in the most rejuvenating state of deep sleep. That said, I’d been waking up in the middle of the night lately from “anxiety dreams” where I’d been reminded of the one “negative life thing” that I’m dealing with right now. Often I’d be unable to fall asleep again, depriving me of enough overall sleep.
But tonight, while I did wake once from an anxiety dream, it wasn’t the existing topic that been in the back of my mind. In fact, it was a pretty playful dream based in what was happening in that moment – Justina and I sleeping in bed. After I woke, I sort of just chuckled and was able to get right back to sleep.
I eventually awoke about a half hour before Justina’s alarm. Having been warned not to wake her before her alarm, I read in bed for a bit and then quietly got up and took my morning shower. I came out of the shower right after her alarm sounded and once she snoozed, I got back in bed to share my final, intimate moments with her for this encounter.
Justina rolled over and snuggled with me, and I made it clear that I was going to hold her there until she insisted she was getting out of bed. Several snoozes later we were still snuggled together and I was truly relishing in the contact we were sharing. I was again feeling the rhythm of her breathing and naturally mine began to match.
Eventually we could delay no longer and she got out of be to get dressed. When she stripped off her nightshirt she apologized for dressing in front of me. As I took in her practically naked body I asked why she was apologizing since I was enjoying it. She replied,
“Well, in that case, you’re welcome!” 😍
I really love that kind of playfulness! I was feeling so incredibly sated and grounded as well. Before leaving her apartment we shared a long, deep hug before we ventured out into the cold and onto the crowded trains of our morning commute.
Integrating New Emotions
As we neared her office and we shared another hug before going our separate ways, I felt a wave of emotion flow over me. That was over seven hours ago, and I’m still feeling very emotional. I don’t want to call what I’m feeling “emotionally fragile” (which is what I was feeling going into this weekend) because my current feeling isn’t about negative emotions. All the emotions are positive, but they are so strong, and some are truly unfamiliar to me. I now need to take on the (welcome) challenge of integrating these feelings into my being and accepting the powerful love within them.
It’s going to be a difficult period as we enter the holidays because I’m craving more connection at a time when it’s hard to really find time to connect. Jeannie and I are connecting deeply, and that’s the most important thing. So now it’s just finding the balance that lets me get through each day channeling these new emotions and feeling strong and complete. I’ll be sure to let you know how it goes!
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