surrender – Summer of Sexiness

Blissed Out Beyond Belief

As a student of all things (well, many things) related to sex, I am no stranger to sexual empowerment and have read about the transformational power of orgasm from Layla Martin, Keeley Olivia and others. But, to tell the truth, I always thought they were exaggerating. Yes, sex can be amazing, but could it really be as magical as they claimed? Spoiler alert: It can!

Last weekend, Viktor and I had a very specific sex date planned. Among his desires, Viktor very much wants to have anal sex with me and we have agreed to begin prepping in this regard. Thus, we had decided that we would engage in some anal play, namely butt plugs that Viktor had purchased for this purpose.

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Flux is a four-letter word and other lessons on letting go

I have a love/hate relationship with “to do” lists. On the one hand, I love the satisfaction of checking things off and getting things done. On the other hand, I hate the pressure of knowing that there are numerous tasks that have yet to get done. Plus, there is the frustration that you are never quite done; even once you’ve made an appointment to meet your friend for lunch there is still the chance that you’ll have to reschedule. But, generally, I like the feeling of accomplishment that comes with being productive and knowing that everything is in order or at least under my control.

And, while I haven’t put “Find a relationship or play partner” on my “to do” list, I still feel the compulsion to get this task done. I want to find myself in a place where I have a handful of steady play partners – and perhaps even a boyfriend (see: Attachment Theory) – and know that I can stop looking online or elsewhere to “fill” these “vacancies.”

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The power of polka dots

While I left most of the planning for our fourth date up to Tim, I knew at least part of my attire for the evening would be the beautiful AP stockings he had gifted me on our third date. They were black polka-dots, so I paired them with a black garter belt and a new matching bra and panty that was black with white dots. During one of our text chats, Tim had expressed interest in seeing me in a tight-fitting, short dress, so I perused my closet for something that fit the bill and pulled on a black knit dress to wear over my lingerie.

I also knew that I had to make sure that the new sex toy was adequately charged and that I generally knew how to use it (or at least brought the instructions with me). Once it was ready, I turned on the small vibrator and slipped it into the pouch provided in the underwear included in the toy’s set. I then tied them on over my sexy, ouvert panties. The vibrator was in place (sort of), but slipped further into the pouch as I walked to the subway.

On my way to meet Tim, he texted me to make sure I remembered that we were meeting at the James Hotel in Nomad, not Soho, and then he sent me a photo of the cocktail menu so he could order my drink for me and have it waiting upon my arrival. Very classy and appreciated!

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It’s Beauty and Rage

“But you saw more
You saw my deepest part
With the light of a thousand stars
You saw them, awake in me

And through your eyes
You show me everything
You woke me up inside
Brought back to life
I lost myself
Now I breathe again”

The title of this post comes from the refrain of one of my favorite songs to dance to in class: The Ever by Red. And, with this emphasis on rage, beauty, and haunting lyrics that speak to being seen, I thought it was perfectly apropos for sharing this experience.

Specifically, I had a profound dance at S Factor last weekend during an EC (Erotic Creature) Romp — a 4-hour, immersive workshop. During my first dance, I had my hands tied behind my back. It felt thrilling, straining against the binds — the yearning to touch, to break free…and the vulnerability of being bound and restrained. I pulled against the taut strings; it was like music being drawn out slowly through the air. I felt the raw depth of forcing my body into new shapes, breaking old/stagnant patterns and pushing against bonds and boundaries.

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Sex Magic Revisited

I started and stopped writing this post numerous times because some of the autobiographical details were derailing my momentum. But, after much thought, I realized that they weren’t relevant to the story I wanted to tell. Suffice it to say, for various reasons, I had been feeling a bit off for about a week or so. In fact, there was almost an anxious, manic feeling and I felt driven to do something, but wasn’t sure what to do.

Among the things I did do, was return to the dating app in the hope of finding a date for the weekend since Viktor would be at raves on both Friday and Saturday nights.

In addition, I realized that in the wake of my Heteroflexible, Bi-curious or Bisexual post, I really did want to manifest my desire to be intimate with women, so I started to look more earnestly for possible matches in this regard as well.

After some online chatting, I made plans to meet up with a number of men, but two of the three dates were cancelled. And, then I had a weird virtual Dom from Ireland / possible scam incident, which was unsettling. Thus, by the end of the week, I was emotionally charged, but tried to push through as if everything was fine. Continue reading Sex Magic Revisited

Embracing the messy

Unlike what Hollywood would have us believe, sex is messy. I recently read a novel in which the author, Melissa Broder, acknowledges this fact and deliberately writes sex scenes that include periods, erectile dysfunction and other less-than-sexy, less-than-perfect encounters… aka real life.

Yet, somehow even knowing that, it can be hard to let go of these pre-conceived notions of what sex should look like. When we are with our primary or long-term partner, there is less of an issue; less awkwardness wondering if we’re doing it “right,” whatever that means. But, when you are with someone new or that you don’t know well, it can be hard to quiet the mind and not second guess if your actions (and reactions) are on point. Am I being too quiet or too loud? Am I being clear that I like (or dislike) what he is doing? Are my sounds a turn-on or turn-off? Does she mind that my feet are cold?

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Nights of twine and poses

A few days after our first date, Ryan came over after work to spend the night with me. Viktor was out of town on business, so he wouldn’t hijack our date this time around (wink) and it gave us a chance to get to know each other better and explore our intimacy further.

Upon Ryan’s arrival, I opened up a bottle of wine so we could relax into the evening and unwind from the day. It felt great to see him and be held and kissed and I had to reluctantly drag myself away to go to the kitchen for the wine.

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Good Vibrations

I vaguely remember my first experience with masturbation as a teen – gently rubbing a pillow back and forth against my pussy. I know it felt good, but I don’t recall if I reached orgasm or not. A few years later I discovered the joys of the bathtub, propping my legs up on either side of the faucet and allowing the spray of water to hit me just right. This became my standard way of self-pleasuring with the bonus of being clean, effective and efficient; in the years that followed, I rarely stimulated myself manually.

Then, during my early years of my marriage, I had limited to no desire for sex of any kind including self-pleasure. Plus, in my head, it seemed wrong to indulge alone when I now had a partner (I’ve since drastically changed my stance on this), so I didn’t masturbate at all.

Eventually, I picked up the practice again, but it wasn’t until I took Mama Gena’s Mastery course in 2014 that I really started to explore self-pleasure. Soon after, I finally purchased my first vibrator, overcoming an irrational fear that it would hurt.

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The Big O

steel wool of fire cracker

The big O, as in Orgasm. Defined by a “discharge of sexual excitement,” by Wikipedia (so not a sexy definition, by the way), this is a topic that is possibly very misunderstood by both men and women. Well, at least a woman’s orgasm is. I think that while men are also capable of complex arousal and release, the basic mechanics are more easily understood. [I’ll let Viktor comment on this topic, should he wish, but I don’t think I can speak with authority here 😉.]

As I struggle with understanding my own body and its ability to surrender sexually, orgasm continues to be on my mind. And, this week, Layla Martin’s video focused on why 46% of women have difficulty with achieving orgasm, so it seems to be on a lot of people’s minds.
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Sex tips from Google

woman in black brassiere lying down on bed with rats

Unlike when I Googled “What to wear to a threesome,” or, later, “What to wear to a foursome” (equally unhelpful), Googling “What to wear to a sex date,” offers up numerous articles on the subject. For the most part, these articles recommend to avoid overly complex underwear, tricky clothing closures and heavy makeup.

[Side note: There are also some good articles on bringing up your menstrual cycle on a sex date, as I was still spotting a week after my period.]

In arranging my sex date with Jon, I had asked him for his preference among black, navy, pink and purple. He chose purple, so the lingerie choice was made. I then decided on thigh-high, black stockings (sexy and easier to deal with than tights), a black leather skirt with a big zipper running down the back (very easy to unzip and remove) and a velvet top (who doesn’t love touching velvet?). Unfortunately, since the light in the room was harsh, we kept the lights off, so the lingerie big reveal was less revealing, but he still appreciated the bra and panties (and me!).

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