The Importance of Being Earnest

My fifth erotic party was yet again another adventure, filled with unexpected plot twists and turns. Several weeks ago, Jay expressed an interest in attending (after I had shared about the previous parties) and had asked me if I would like to go with him as a couple. I immediately replied yes and looked forward to the event. The theme was Alice in Wonderland: Down the Bunny Hole. I asked him “Alice or Queen of Hearts?” He replied: Alice, to which Viktor then told me that he no longer liked Jay – but, of course, he was only kidding.

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men…
Jokes aside, I actually decided that the Queen of Hearts persona was more my style and had fun planning my costume. A few days before the party, Jay and I met for coffee to discuss our intentions and desires for the event. We agreed that full nudity and intercourse at the party was not on the menu because I hadn’t felt comfortable with this idea at the other parties; the thought of being so vulnerable in such a public place filled with me dread, not desire.

We also determined that we were going to go together but with the understanding that we would be free to hang out separately on occasion and that we would check in with one another as the evening proceeded. I told him about Ryan, who would once again be demonstrating Shibari at the party. He had heard about my suspension session with Ryan at the February party, but I now impressed upon him that things had progressed and he seemed OK with it, noting the way I talked about him (Ryan). I also advised Jay that Jake and Mia would be at the party so he wouldn’t be blindsided, as I had had a text from them earlier in the evening, letting me know that they would be in attendance.

Continue reading The Importance of Being Earnest

Desperately seeking desire…initial thoughts

Desperately seeking desireI had been trying to write this post for weeks, then months, but it continually seemed to elude me. Throughout the Summer of Sexiness, I have learned so much about the concept of desire, but have also discovered that there is so much more to it. I had initially thought that I was just seeking desire – the desire to have sex – but, as I proceed in my sexploration, I feel certain that desire is actually enmeshed in turn-on and arousal, so it is challenging to tease out the individual strands of this issue.

In this regard, I began this pursuit thinking that it was just a lack of desire – aka low libido – that was the root cause of my “problem.” But, I now see that it is much more layered and nuanced and that libido is important, but insufficient. There is more to unpack and learn here… Continue reading Desperately seeking desire…initial thoughts