And, I’m back!

After the exhaustion of the previous three weeks and the weird House of Love party, I was confused. What was next and what did I really want to happen? I was just about to give up and take a break, but fortunately life had other plans, putting me back on track and back into my body.

I kicked off the week with a friend for happy hour, setting the stage for a good mood all around. Then, on Tuesday night, we had plans to go to a BDSM Party with T. I was so thrilled to be embarking on this journey with her, shepherding her exploration. We all set intentions on the subway there, putting forth three desires each. My desires were: 1) to stay awake (since I had been up since 3am); 2) to play in some way at the party; and 3) to interact and flirt with others.

As we walked into the venue, I was overcome with anxiety, but tried to push past it. We were immediately welcomed into the event and soon met a number of people, actively engaging in various conversations. I saw that T was taken care of as she talked at length with the organizer and I knew that Viktor could fend for himself, so I relaxed and enjoyed meeting new people and observing a few kink scenes from the sidelines.

Once T decided that she was ready to engage in a rope scene with Viktor, I eagerly set a container for them and held space, mesmerized as I watched the two of them together. It was beautiful to witness, and I was so happy that she had such a positive first experience.

Just prior to their scene, one of the male guests had asked me to Dom him. I explained that while I was interested in stepping into this persona, I had very limited experience. He didn’t mind and encouraged me to play with him. As Viktor and T were cuddling on the couch, I consented to be his mistress, negotiated the rules with him and set him on his tasks as my submissive.

I had him fetch drinks for me, T and Viktor and eventually had him compose a poem (as well as kiss) my thigh-high boots. It was fun, but also a lot of work and I wasn’t sure what else to do with him. He kneeled nearby, but once it was clear that I was moving on to another play partner, I released him and thanked him for his services.

By this point, I had started talking with Austin, who had caught my eye upon our initial arrival at the party. Once I saw that he was doing a shibari suspension, I very much wanted to play with him, especially since Viktor was too tired to do another rope scene after his time with T.

Austin and I negotiated our scene and he began to tie me, binding my arms behind my back and eventually securing me to a wooden post. He next moved on to more sensual pursuits, raking my naked skin with long, metal claws and ultimately kissing me. It was extremely hot, sexy and alluring and I continued to enjoy his company as he held and kissed me during aftercare.

As we prepared to depart, I gave Austin my phone number and he texted me before I got home and again in the morning in check in on my well-being post-scene. We have since scheduled a play date for the coming week.

Still infused with the sexy energy of Tuesday night, I had a fun and fabulous first date with Trevor on Wednesday after my dance class. We met up for drinks and connected right away. I was pleasantly surprised to feel attraction and chemistry after the failure to feel these things with the other recent first dates. It reinforced that I need to trust myself better; if I am not attracted to someone’s photo online, I am not going to feel attraction in person. Lesson learned in spades!

During my date with Trevor, he noted that he likes to meet his partners’ partners. Of course, I don’t think he meant on a first date. However, when he went to the restroom, I checked my phone and saw a text from Viktor that he and T were at a place nearby. Then, as I was responding to his text, they walked into the bar where I was and ultimately met Trevor when he returned! Thankfully it all went well and, as I kissed Trevor goodbye, I felt really good about our date. He has already asked me out for date number two.

With all of the positive encounters on Tuesday and Wednesday nights, by Thursday, I was in a wonderful mood and felt that the balance in our relationship had been restored. I felt buoyed by the flirtatious attention, dropping further into my body and simply feeling happy and contented. This was the perfect place to be as I reconnected with Gary, having a low-key scene with him on Thursday afternoon. I knew that I was back to my old self as my ability to manifest slowly returned.

Then, I wrapped up my amazing week on Friday with a duo of fun events. During the day, I met up with Nate at the Whitney Museum. This was our third date and I was excited to see him. It was nice to have more time to spend with him and to get to know another side of him, since he has a lot of knowledge about and experience with art.

Our first two dates had been on Wednesday nights after dance class and thus limited to drinks and light bites. While I had definitely enjoyed our first date, it wasn’t until our second date that I really felt the connection and potential. Nate inquired about what had been going on since our previous meeting and I asked him if he wanted the nice answer or the truth. He responded that he wanted the truth, so I shared with him the reality of what I had been feeling ever since Viktor had started dating Justina. Nate has a long history in the poly community and was able to listen to my stories and hold space. Later in the evening, he shared a vulnerable moment with me. I could feel his beautiful, intense energy as he held my body against his and felt safe and seen. I knew I definitely wanted more time with him.

As we kissed goodbye after our day at the museum together, we expressed our desire to have more private time in the future and I eagerly await getting to know him more intimately. I am afraid to anticipate too much, but I am open to the possibility.

I closed out the week with a return visit to House of Yes with Viktor. While it was a much tamer event than House of Love, it felt a little bit like a do-over from the week before and it was really nice to have him all to myself. We enjoyed an awesome performance from Little Boots before heading home, knowing that all was well in our lives once again.

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While happily married to my soulmate for 20+ years, after years of body shame and sexual shutdown, I am ready to step into my sexual power as we open up our relationship and explore the possibilities.

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