Traditionally, at weddings, one of the bride’s parents might be heard to quip, “I am not losing a daughter, I am gaining a son.”* In polyamory, the corollary might be, “I am not losing a partner, I am gaining a metamour.” In fact, depending on one’s current situation, they might be gaining metamours (plural).
For those unfamiliar with this term, your metamour is your partner’s partner. At the moment, I have three metamours – two with whom I have close connections and one whom I haven’t met yet. The two most prominent metamours in my orbit are Justina and Wendy. It has been interesting to see how these relationships have developed with time and how they have been helpful for me as I navigate the polyverse. [NB: If you are just joining us, Justina is Viktor’s girlfriend and Wendy is Cooper’s primary and nesting partner.]
Continue reading The More the Merrier — My Myriad of Metamours
It’s hard to believe that only a week has passed since my full-on melt down and yet I am in such a better place in such a short period of time. I have been feeling much more grounded, happier and calmer. I still have moments of doubt, but I feel stronger and more easily able to push these adverse thoughts away. I am also feeling more connected to Viktor as a result of this tumultuous period – it’s not my preferred way to increase intimacy, but I will gladly take the positive outcome to what was otherwise a very negative experience.
As I look to further bolster my mental and emotional health, over the past week, I have been actively researching various healing modalities as I look for external guidance on this journey. As much as Viktor and I continue to talk and keep our lines of communication open, it feels like time to reach out for help. I am hopeful that such outside exploration will permit me to become clearer on what I truly desire for myself and for our marriage, as well as permit me to release hurt and pain more effectively.
Continue reading What a Difference a Week Makes
As shared previously, Gary and I met on Feeld back in July with the direct goal for us to engage in a D/s relationship. I had truly been desiring to explore my submissive side in a safe, sane, consensual way and was thrilled to have manifested my very own Dom!
While I haven’t documented all of our encounters, we have seen each other somewhat consistently since then, each time getting to know each other better and often delving into another aspect of D/s play.
During this time, Viktor had heard a lot about Gary, but it was only a few weeks ago that they had a chance to meet. One Saturday, we had planned to go to the Sex Expo, and since Gary would also be attending, we arranged to meet up for lunch. The day became even more complex once we realized that Justina (Viktor’s girlfriend) would also be there.
Continue reading Collared!
When I first set up my dating app profile, I listed myself as heteroflexible. However, the more I explore and play, I am not sure if that is the correct label, while, at the same time, recognizing that people don’t fall into discrete categories or labels anyway, regardless of the topic.
That being said, you do have to choose something, so I have been thinking about what makes the most sense and is the most truthful. My initial feelings for choosing heteroflexible was because while I am interested in being physical with a woman, I really don’t have any experience in being sexually intimate with a woman. Yes, I have been in a threesome with Jake and Mia and played with Mia a bit during that encounter, but I still haven’t gone down on a woman and I worry about truth in advertising (over-promising and thus, potentially, under-delivering), as it were. But, lately, my hesitancy in continuing to use this term is that it doesn’t fully convey my interest and desire in being with a woman; I am not just willing to be flexible, I have an outright desire to be intimate with a woman. And, I wonder if some women are overlooking me because heteroflexible doesn’t speak to them sufficiently. Continue reading Heteroflexible, Bi-curious or Bisexual?
Jeannie has been busy lately. Very busy! And while I’ve been a part of all of it, some physically, all emotionally, I have not been as personally active as she has. This past month has put a fine point on a few of the notable differences in how Jeannie and I are experiencing our sexual journeys. In this post:
- Male and Female
- Attention, Intimacy, Sex
- Compersion and Jealousy
Continue reading Compersion and Jealousy: Not Mutually Exclusive
I mentioned in the earlier post, Let’s Talk About KINK! that part of the reason I’m talking about kink is because often folks are really uncomfortable with this topic. That doesn’t mean I’m trying to make you uncomfortable! On the contrary, I’d really like to see sex topics of all kind become more normalized in our society. I’m not recruiting – everyone should choose their own path. But the conversation and possible exploration alone are enough to freak people out. It shouldn’t be this way.
When Jeannie and I began our discussions, there were a lot of topics that were still pretty much untouchable and a lot of words that suddenly required a whispering voice as if the Kink Police might break down the door and carry us away. (Come to think of it, if they arrived in latex, I’d rather enjoy the handcuffs and a little rough handling. Maybe some corporal punishment would be in order as I’m cuffed to the bars in the jail…Wait… I digress!!!)
Couples shouldn’t have to clear their browser history after searching words like bondage or spanking, yet this is so often the case. In fact, the topic is so seemingly taboo that even when one begins to embrace it, there are so many incorrect assumptions from the start.
Imagine what your partner would think if you searched for something like <GASP!> bondage!
So I encourage you, dear reader, to get familiar with some kinky (and sexy) topics. To do this, I present you two articles, both pretty lighthearted, that will entertain and educate. Who knows? Maybe you’ll find something that tickles your fancy. Or tickles something else, even!
Your Pocket-Guide Glossary for the Swinger-Open-Poly Life
A Very Sexy Beginner’s Guide to BDSM Words
PS – I’ll be back with some specific kink-talk in future posts.
One thing I quickly learned as we began exploring an open marriage is that the terminology in this lifestyle can be complicated. (Here’s an accurate, but tongue in cheek summary of the lingo.) Open marriage seems simple enough and can even be found in the Merriam-Webster dictionary. I also began using the term polyamory until Jeannie pointed out an important nuance in that term. Those in a polyamorous relationship (often referred to as a Triad or a Quad, etc.) are committing long-term to all the members of that relationship. In many cases, they will all live together as well. So Jeannie was right in correcting me as we aren’t truly polyamorous. We have no desire to expand our current living arrangement.
It’s also interesting to note that language geeks hate the word polyamory because of it’s etymology:
There are also lots of somewhat interchangeable terms, each with its own nuance or baggage. One that I’ve come to use is Ethical Non-Monogamy, or ENM. In our case open marriage is more accurate since we are, in fact, married, and ENM is a broader term. So I guess I should stick with open marriage for the most part.
Continue reading Open Marriage, ENM, Compersion… Oh, My!