(Another long post, another terrific story!)
Over the last 2-3 months it feels like we’ve been hibernating. Expansion and contraction are natural and this was clearly a needed period of contraction and reflection. But during that time, this didn’t seem obvious and I was wondering if the “magic” of our sexual explorations had worn off.
Not only has the magic returned, it is more powerful than ever.
Let me start with a short “catch up” to set the scene…
- After some fun events in late fall, Jeannie and I both seemed to shut down a bit – a result of a number of factors.
- There were some fantastic intimate encounters between us in this period. And while they were very powerful, they felt isolated and disconnected from our path.
- Winter, while overall mild so far, had a few really brutal spells which may have forced the hibernation feeling.
- Travel and a brutal cold (for Jeannie) were also disruptive.
- We didn’t have a lot of leads on outside partners, either – and no great parties to attend where we might meet some.
Continue reading He Said: Love, Lips, Lust
While finding my desire and turn on can be a challenge in itself (see related post), there is another, equally challenging piece to the puzzle: staying present.
Although I was (blissfully) unaware that I was doing it, for years, I would check out during sex. Yes, my body was physically there, but my mind was elsewhere. I was going through the motions, but I was not truly engaged or connected to my partner. It wasn’t until I read Madeleine Castellanos’ book, Wanting to Want, that I became conscious of my tendency to wander, recognizing that I would literally zone out as if my mind and body were completely disconnected from one another. Continue reading Turned on or tuned out?
When your summer includes threesomes and swaps, you almost forget that you had a sexy weekend when it was just you and your husband (or at least I temporarily forgot when asked about my weekend on Monday night). But, in fact, it was truly a pleasure to finally dance for Viktor in my new boots. At S Factor, we are encouraged to experiment with clothing, shoes and music to coax out our innate Erotic Creature as well as to see which elements help or hinder in this regard. For some, it might be slinky lingerie, while for others it could be a sparkly tutu or a body chain.
When I first started with S Factor, I bought a pair of clear stripper heels (because I decided that the clear would match more things than black or red and you always want to be practical when buying stripper heels 😊). Anyway, I never really loved them and eventually tossed them out and replaced them with other high-heeled shoes over the years. But, it wasn’t until this June that I finally took the plunge and invested in a pair of thigh-high, patent leather, black boots. With their stiletto heel and dominatrix vibe, they make me feel powerful, sexy and in control. Continue reading These boots were made for… dancing
One day during an S Factor class, my teacher asked me, “What is your desire? How do you want to be fucked?” Tears welled in my eyes as an intense wave of sadness washed over me because I really didn’t know the answer. I felt angry with myself, but also with Viktor. How did we get here? How could I not know how I wanted to be fucked? And, if I didn’t know, how could I expect Viktor to know? And, if Viktor didn’t know, how could I expect to be fucked the way I wanted to be?
This question has haunted me for nearly a year. I have thought about it over the months, feeling into the space of where I was and where I am now. Through my S Factor journey, I have slowly made progress as I have stepped both into my vulnerability and into my power more explicitly than ever before. I am feeling these emotions more acutely as I shift my attention, change up my music choices, don a pair of black, patent, thigh-high stiletto boots and allow my body to move in new ways. I feel myself reaching out for the answer, which still hovers just outside my grasp. But… I am getting closer. Continue reading How do you want to be fucked?