Relationship Energy: New and Old

There was a point awhile back when I was worried that Jeannie was getting caught up in our new lifestyle in unhealthy ways. She had several active play partners, she was texting endlessly, and would be on dating apps until the wee hours looking for more. I shared my observation, but in the spirit of our openness, I made no attempts to change her behavior. That’s up to her, not me.

Jeannie readily admitted that she was getting very caught up in all the attention. After all, one of her top turns-ons is being the center of attention! And even though it felt like she had no time left for me, she did! It took some time to find the right balance, but suddenly she’d be getting turned on by a goodnight text and would turn to me in such a state of arousal, leading to some very hot sex.

Continue reading Relationship Energy: New and Old

Passive Participant

Last night included another new experience, as the polyamorous lifestyle so often does. Jeannie had a dinner date with Matt in the neighborhood and was planning to bring him to our apartment after dinner for a little tryst. We’d discussed the idea of Jeannie using the guest room while I am home, but it hadn’t quite happened yet.

“I very much enjoy performing for an audience!”

I had already met Matt, in our apartment, but after he and Jeannie were done for the night. It was very much like meeting anyone else, but with the knowledge that this person and my wife we naked and sweaty and screaming together just a little earlier. What I didn’t know, that I’d learn at the end of last night, was the Matt really enjoys an audience.

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Of Monogamy and Men

An essay came to my attention this week Of Fuckboys and Men and I can’t help but to comment on this. The essay is loosely based on the book King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine by Moore and Gillette. The book is a classic analysis of male archetypes and is referenced often in modern publications and blogs, including The Art of Manliness.

I believe that the basis of the book, and especially this essay, is narrow-minded and most definitely not as relevant in our current society. Mind you, I’m coming at this from the perspective of a polyamorous lifestyle and these archetypes are practically based on the need for monogamy. And while I’ll address my view on that, it’s not my biggest problem with the theory; but it is too entangled to not be part of it.

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Impostor Syndrome

I haven’t written to the blog in a couple of months and this tracks with an introspective period I’ve been going through. I’ve been having a lot of Impostor Syndrome feelings – as if I’m not being honest or genuine with myself or those around me. And while part of the way Jeannie and I explore polyamory and our sexuality includes having different personas to act out, I actually feel like I’m the most honest an genuine person I’ve ever been. Continue reading Impostor Syndrome

Safe, Sane, Consensual & Super Hot!

My first date with Gary went really well and we were both eager for me to explore BDSM in a more safe, sane and consensual manner than previously. Due to travel and other commitments, it was three weeks before we next met up, but in the interim there was a lot of texting back and forth. Some of it was simply planning logistics, but Gary also did a great job of giving me lots of information in the lead up to our date. Plus, his communication increased in frequency and intensity as the day got closer.

In fact, on the actual day of our date, the texts came more often and became more explicit, building excitement and anticipation. Starting at noon (we were meeting at 6pm), he began to count down the hours, sending a text on the hour, every hour, and connecting the number of hours to go with something sexual. With two hours to go, there was an extremely visceral response within my body to his text  “2….. words Yes Sir” at 5:00 PM. I was already looking forward to the date but now, I was even more turned on to see him!

We met up at my local wine bar for a lovely meal before heading to my apartment. At dinner and then afterward, we continued to tease out the details of what was to come. We agreed to a medley of activities that started with an “Intro to Impact Play 101.”

Continue reading Safe, Sane, Consensual & Super Hot!

What Turns You On?

Viktor knows me and knows my body, so being intimate with him is relatively easy and effortless. I don’t have to think about what he’s doing that turns me on; it just does. But, as I mentioned recently, being with a new sexual partner can be daunting. You want to please each other (if not, that’s just plain rude!) and a very reasonable question to ask is: What turns you on? I have, in fact, been asked this question by a partner as well as by my S Factor teacher (in different contexts, of course). Yet, in both cases, I had no real answer for them, at least not in the moment that the question was posed.

For the most part, I should know the answer, but I think some of my trepidation at answering this question is the expectation that it has to be something that absolutely, physically arouses me. I feel like I am supposed to be able to say do x, y and z and I will climax, guaranteed.

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Third Date’s A Charm

On our last date, Matt and I took advantage of his children’s visit to grandma and grandpa’s and he hosted us at his home in Queens. Since his children are usually at home (obviously), I invited him to come to my apartment for our third date. Unfortunately, we were unable to capitalize on Viktor’s quick trip to Europe, but we arranged to meet up on a recent Monday night and Viktor agreed to go to the movies, thus giving us some time alone.

Matt arrived in a torrential downpour, which I chose to see as nostalgic of our first date (on which it had rained). I welcomed him in and gave him a tour of our home. In the lead up to our date, we had decided to conduct research on BDSM and compare notes. I wasn’t sure how seriously he would take the “assignment,” but I took it to heart, writing up a formal document complete with images and a bibliography. I plied Matt with wine and we sat down to a lively discussion on this topic, filling in gaps in each other’s research and generally enjoying the connections we were drawing between the past and present, as we learned more about the history of BDSM.

Continue reading Third Date’s A Charm