Now seems like a good time expand upon the topic of Pleasure Research. This was mentioned in my last post and is a key tenet on this exploration. The word research may seem a little stuffy in this context, but when the result is pleasure, it’s quite perfect. And Pleasure Research certainly has a stronger, sexier, connotation than just research!
When Jeannie and I embarked on this journey, we focused on the most important item for us: communication. Meanwhile, there was also this undercurrent of exploration; we both knew that certain experiences would turn us on, but we most definitely didn’t know everything about our kink or fantasies. Then our friend Gigi reminded us that Mama Gena treats this exploration as (pleasure) research and I think this makes perfect sense. On the one hand, to explore pleasure, one needs to let go and simply enjoy. On the other, evaluating fully the response to said pleasure is key.
Continue reading Pleasure Research (& Some Conclusions)
When Jeannie and I began this journey, a lot of our energy was focused on how she’d experience it. Jeannie had more concerns over how this could negatively impact our relationship, but she was also seeking something to help her reach her sexual potential that we both knew was in her and waiting to be tapped. Make no mistake, I’m seeking a lot from this journey as well, but at least going into it, I had fewer doubts, and wasn’t in search of anything specific other than increased fun and pleasure for us both. It was very important that Jeannie have both a positive experience and get the attention she deserve as this began. And so far, Jeannie has had the starring role.
Be careful what you wish for!
We’ve reached the point in this journey that there is no doubt Jeannie has had both a positive experience and gotten the attention she deserves. In fact, what I’ve now come to learn is that Jeannie has tapped into a power that I love to witness, and also now want to achieve for myself. While not foolproof by any means, Jeannie has the power to seduce. She has the power to attract. She has the power of feminine pleasure. This was on full display for me to witness as we attended the House of Love party last night. And this was the first time I was seeing this happen in real time.
Continue reading He Said: Welcome to the House of Love
When your summer includes threesomes and swaps, you almost forget that you had a sexy weekend when it was just you and your husband (or at least I temporarily forgot when asked about my weekend on Monday night). But, in fact, it was truly a pleasure to finally dance for Viktor in my new boots. At S Factor, we are encouraged to experiment with clothing, shoes and music to coax out our innate Erotic Creature as well as to see which elements help or hinder in this regard. For some, it might be slinky lingerie, while for others it could be a sparkly tutu or a body chain.
When I first started with S Factor, I bought a pair of clear stripper heels (because I decided that the clear would match more things than black or red and you always want to be practical when buying stripper heels 😊). Anyway, I never really loved them and eventually tossed them out and replaced them with other high-heeled shoes over the years. But, it wasn’t until this June that I finally took the plunge and invested in a pair of thigh-high, patent leather, black boots. With their stiletto heel and dominatrix vibe, they make me feel powerful, sexy and in control. Continue reading These boots were made for… dancing
As I recently relayed, I sunsetted my relationship with Hank a few weeks ago and felt good about that decision. While I was hoping to find someone new with whom to establish a long-term situation, I knew that I still had Kevin in play (so to speak) and was looking forward to exploring that relationship in more depth. However, it seems to have fizzled in a most confusing manner.
When we first connected, Kevin not only texted me, but also called me on occasion. After our overnight date, which had ostensibly gone so well, he went a bit silent, so I reached out with a Bitmoji a week later. He immediately responded with his own Bitmoji and expressed interest in planning another date. I asked him for clarification on what might work for him so that I could send possible dates, but there was no response. Continue reading And then there was none…
Early in our exploration of an open marriage Jeannie got off to a faster start than I did. She went to an erotic party (Let’s Get this Party Started) where she met her first new lover, went on her first date with said lover (Act I, Scene I) and a second (House Guest with a Twist) all before I got in on the act. A week of business travel took me out of attending the second erotic party with her (Return to the Scene of the Sublime) but on that same day I finally got my end of this party started.
My business trip technically ended on Friday, but I stayed into the weekend to attend a beach rave in Huntington Beach. Before going to the concert, Jeannie and I talked on the phone about our remaining day and night apart. She already had her plans set to go to the erotic party. So I said, “I desire to meet someone at the concert and take them back to my hotel room.” Jeannie very much approved of this and we agreed that, no matter what happened that night, we wouldn’t share stories over the phone Sunday morning. Instead, since I’d be home around 9pm Sunday, we’d share in person.
Being new to all of this, perhaps I set my sights too high. Or not.
Continue reading I Kissed a Boy (and I Liked It)
You never know when emotions might hit you…hard. And, sometimes, the happiest of events can make you sad. Even still, I was quite surprised when I started to have a minor anxiety attack at our friends’ recent wedding. But, as it’s the first/only freak-out since this all began, I think I am doing really well managing the emotions that are being stirred up.
Anyway, it was an absolutely beautiful afternoon as the bride and groom were joined together as husband and wife, framed by the stunning landscape of the Adirondack Mountains. The light rain of earlier in the day had been banished and a cool breeze floated by. And, then, so did a butterfly, just as the bride’s brother, who was officiating the ceremony, talked about… butterflies. Continue reading A (Brief) Crisis of Conscience: Exploring the Sacred and the Profane
As I shared previously, meeting Hank truly kicked off this whole Summer of Sexiness. It was as if I had been awakened from a long, sexless slumber and felt more alive, more turned on than ever before. I was so excited to receive his texts and really looked forward to our dates and sexual encounters.
And, early on, he expressed genuine interest in me, making me feel wanted and desired. He also alluded to possible future plans and treated me very well, meeting me at the subway, making sure I got home safely and otherwise ensuring that I felt cared for and cared about. Continue reading Chapter One Comes to a Close
When we first started talking about the concept of an open marriage, I wanted to create a formal contract. I originally got the idea from a woman I had met at a Jaiya event who had a lover, as did her husband. She told me about their agreement and promised to send me a copy of their contract. She never did, but I liked the idea of codifying everything upfront.
Yet, it was all so hazy and nebulous that I had trouble getting started. Frankly, I wasn’t sure what I wanted it to say. I did eventually do a quick search online and found this humorous version as well as some guidelines here, but aside from this simple search, I never got around to writing one myself. Continue reading Get it in writing… or not
One thing I quickly learned as we began exploring an open marriage is that the terminology in this lifestyle can be complicated. (Here’s an accurate, but tongue in cheek summary of the lingo.) Open marriage seems simple enough and can even be found in the Merriam-Webster dictionary. I also began using the term polyamory until Jeannie pointed out an important nuance in that term. Those in a polyamorous relationship (often referred to as a Triad or a Quad, etc.) are committing long-term to all the members of that relationship. In many cases, they will all live together as well. So Jeannie was right in correcting me as we aren’t truly polyamorous. We have no desire to expand our current living arrangement.
It’s also interesting to note that language geeks hate the word polyamory because of it’s etymology:
There are also lots of somewhat interchangeable terms, each with its own nuance or baggage. One that I’ve come to use is Ethical Non-Monogamy, or ENM. In our case open marriage is more accurate since we are, in fact, married, and ENM is a broader term. So I guess I should stick with open marriage for the most part.
Continue reading Open Marriage, ENM, Compersion… Oh, My!
This will be a long post about our full swap with Jake and Mia. It will begin innocently, just as the night began. And, as with that night, this post will get more and more explicit…
As “awkward” was quickly replaced with “smokin’ hot!”
The plan was to meet Jake and Mia at the hotel bar, but as luck would have it, we found them checking in as we arrived. Jake immediately leaned in and gave Jeannie a passionate kiss, and then Mia did the same. Each of these actions aroused me immediately, and then I was faced with the awkward, “what do I do?” moment. (I did nothing, yet.) There would be a few of these, but “awkward” was quickly replaced with “smokin’ hot!” so it was worth it.
Before going to the bar, we went to drop stuff off in our room and Mia proceeded to shower. While in the shower, Jake began kissing and fondling Jeannie; then after a few minutes looked up at me and said, “May I kiss your wife?” As I responded, “Of course,” Jeannie was saying to Jake, “Honey, I think that ship sailed long ago!” I next said, “May I share?” and Jake responded, “Sharing is caring.” While he and I had previously exchanged a few text messages and he made it pretty clear that they “enjoy it all” I still needed to find my footing.
I was very turned on that Mia was dressed so sexily… and specifically for me.
Continue reading He Said: The Full Swap Revealed