On Friday, in my S Factor class, my teacher called me a Super Goddess and talked about how I had been revealing and, standing for, my truth over these past few months. It was perfectly timed feedback since she had also shared with us about the arrival of the New Moon that night and our ability to take advantage of that to set intentions for our future desires.
Coincidentally, when I got out of class, there was an email from Viktor, who had forwarded me a blog post about the New Moon from the Alchemist’s Kitchen. As I read the article, I was profoundly struck by this statement: “At the same time, we may be questioning what outmoded commitments and obligations are holding us back that we now need to break. However, this period is not about running away. Aries the Ram is confrontational, and we’re learning to face each other—to confront our feelings so we can work through the messier, illogical aspects of our lives and relationships.”
In addition to the New Moon synchronicity, this discussion was also apropos because I had reached out to Jay the night before. After everything that happened with Jay at the recent erotic party, I didn’t know precisely where things stood with him. I had followed up with him immediately after the party to apologize and received a brief response. Then, just prior to heading out on vacation, I asked him if I was persona non grata; he noted that he was not like that and wished me the best on our trip. However, I still didn’t know if he wanted to resume our relationship or not. And, frankly, I wasn’t sure what I wanted from him either. I just knew that things felt unfinished and I wanted to know his thoughts at the very least.
My fifth erotic party was yet again another adventure, filled with unexpected plot twists and turns. Several weeks ago, Jay expressed an interest in attending (after I had shared about the previous parties) and had asked me if I would like to go with him as a couple. I immediately replied yes and looked forward to the event. The theme was Alice in Wonderland: Down the Bunny Hole. I asked him “Alice or Queen of Hearts?” He replied: Alice, to which Viktor then told me that he no longer liked Jay – but, of course, he was only kidding.
The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men… Jokes aside, I actually decided that the Queen of Hearts persona was more my style and had fun planning my costume. A few days before the party, Jay and I met for coffee to discuss our intentions and desires for the event. We agreed that full nudity and intercourse at the party was not on the menu because I hadn’t felt comfortable with this idea at the other parties; the thought of being so vulnerable in such a public place filled with me dread, not desire.
We also determined that we were going to go together but with the understanding that we would be free to hang out separately on occasion and that we would check in with one another as the evening proceeded. I told him about Ryan, who would once again be demonstrating Shibari at the party. He had heard about my suspension session with Ryan at the February party, but I now impressed upon him that things had progressed and he seemed OK with it, noting the way I talked about him (Ryan). I also advised Jay that Jake and Mia would be at the party so he wouldn’t be blindsided, as I had had a text from them earlier in the evening, letting me know that they would be in attendance.
A few days after our first date, Ryan came over after work to spend the night with me. Viktor was out of town on business, so he wouldn’t hijack our date this time around (wink) and it gave us a chance to get to know each other better and explore our intimacy further.
Upon Ryan’s arrival, I opened up a bottle of wine so we could relax into the evening and unwind from the day. It felt great to see him and be held and kissed and I had to reluctantly drag myself away to go to the kitchen for the wine.
I’ve been trying to figure out how to start this post because I initially encountered Ryan at the first erotic party I attended back in May. As the ropes master, Ryan was tying up party guests and introducing them to this Japanese sensual art. But, aside from my curiosity about Shibari, I didn’t give him a second thought. Afterwards, I had a slight pang of regret at not participating and resolved to do so at the next party, but, then chose not to spend the night waiting on the lengthy line (and ended up meeting Jake and Mia instead), so our paths still didn’t cross.
At the third party, Viktor met Ryan when Ryan tied up Marissa and they shared photos and a brief discussion on their shared interest in Shibari, but I wasn’t a part of those interactions. Thus, it wasn’t until my fourth party that I was introduced to Ryan officially. He had become friends with Jason and Beti, with whom we had connected before (and then met at) the party, and the five of us ended up hanging out around the fire pit.
As Ryan and I talked, I began to feel some chemistry and was very intrigued by him. Then, toward the end of the party, I had the exquisite pleasure of being bound and suspended by Ryan. I was definitely smitten, but figured I wouldn’t see him again until the next party. Fortunately, I was wrong.
Three weeks to the day of our first meeting, Jay and I had our first intimate encounter. Given the close connection we have had since that initial 5-hour date and his insight from reading this blog, I was very much looking forward to what would happen between us. I was not disappointed.
We met for a lovely dinner in the neighborhood and enjoyed catching up with each other. Earlier in the day, I had texted him that I had chosen to dance to the song Sex & Candy in my S Factor class, since I knew that he had a connection to the song. It was only after I hit send that I realized the double-entendre of my message. Continue reading Sex and Candy
Unlike when I Googled “What to wear to a threesome,” or, later, “What to wear to a foursome” (equally unhelpful), Googling “What to wear to a sex date,” offers up numerous articles on the subject. For the most part, these articles recommend to avoid overly complex underwear, tricky clothing closures and heavy makeup.
[Side note: There are also some good articles on bringing up your menstrual cycle on a sex date, as I was still spotting a week after my period.]
In arranging my sex date with Jon, I had asked him for his preference among black, navy, pink and purple. He chose purple, so the lingerie choice was made. I then decided on thigh-high, black stockings (sexy and easier to deal with than tights), a black leather skirt with a big zipper running down the back (very easy to unzip and remove) and a velvet top (who doesn’t love touching velvet?). Unfortunately, since the light in the room was harsh, we kept the lights off, so the lingerie big reveal was less revealing, but he still appreciated the bra and panties (and me!).
On my first date with Jon, he asked me what the rules were with regard to my marriage and dating. I wasn’t sure how to answer him initially, but eventually did note that there weren’t too many hard and fast rules and underscored the most important one was condoms.
After giving it some thought post-date, I have decided to put together a concise list of rules so that I will have it handy for future questions.
Our 7 Simple Rules 1. Condoms are always required.
2. No relationships with the others’ friends.
3. No relationships associated with the others’ work/industry/career.
4. No sex/related activities in the marital bed unless BOTH partners are involved.
5. No secrets.
6. Share everything (in juicy detail).
7. Respect yourself and your boundaries at all times
When I was discussing rules on my date with Jay, he mentioned two that he and his wife have:
1. Protect the relationship
2. No lingerie purchases
I really like his first point, but, as a lingerie addict, I am not quite as keen on the second as a recipient of his attention (but not gifts of bras and panties). Although, of course, I definitely don’t want Viktor using up my lingerie budget on anyone else either, so I totally get it.
Amidst a flurry of texts from my myriad of admirers (😊), I received a text from Jay noting that he was taking the day off on Tuesday and asking if I would like to meet up for coffee or lunch. We arranged to meet at 1:00 pm after my dance class. At the last minute, we discovered that our chosen restaurant wouldn’t open in time, so we made a game-time decision to go to my favorite, local wine bar. I had mentioned the bar to Jay on our first date, but he hadn’t yet been.
I had messaged Jay to let him know I was running just a few minutes late, but told him that I was worth the wait. He assured me that I was and that he was fine hanging at the bar while he waited. When I arrived, I found Jay talking to the wine bar’s owner, Bill. It turned out that the two of them knew each other from the past (more synchronicity). I greeted Jay warmly but was admittedly anxious about being too demonstrative since Bill knows Viktor and me. Yet I knew that I had to say something, or I would feel entirely stifled during our date. So, I took a deep breath, walked over to the bar and told Bill I needed to tell him something. I asked him if he remembered making a cute comment on my Instagram account about polyamory in wine bars, a few months back. He didn’t quite remember, but I left the “p word” hanging there to indicate what was presently going on. I wanted him to know that I wasn’t cheating on Viktor and that he didn’t have to report me to the marriage police. Continue reading A Coming Out Party (of sorts)
Synchronicity in the City (& Other Sexy Stories)… Coined by Carl Jung, synchronicity refers to an unrelated coincidence that your mind attaches meaning to. But whether it is simply a Jungian construct or not, there are some things that just seem destined.
For example, on Thursday night I was flipping through various profiles on a dating app and came across one for a beguiling couple. Intrigued, I clicked “like” and was advised that we matched. A few minutes later, I received a text from the male half of the couple, Jason, reaching out to introduce himself. He expressed interest and we traded a few texts before I went to bed.
The next day, we resumed our thread and Jason asked if I wanted to meet him and his partner, Betty, for drinks Friday night since they would be at a music venue that evening in the city. I was interested in the opportunity to meet up, but, we soon agreed that the timing wouldn’t work out since I had my date with Jay that night. As we continued chatting, they mentioned that they were going to a party on Saturday night. Since Viktor and I were also attending a party on Saturday night, I wondered if we might be going to the same place. Sure enough, we would all be at the same event! So, we planned to meet up the next night.
The Friday after my date with Jon, I met up with Jay who I had also met on the app. Jay suggested that we meet at one of his favorite Italian restaurants, which turned out to be a cute, neighborhood place with good food and great service.
Jay had arrived ahead of me (I so appreciated his punctuality) and after a few minutes of confusion, we found each other and he greeted me with warmth and enthusiasm. He had gotten himself a ginger-infused cocktail and advised me that the restaurant grated its own ginger. He offered me a taste of his and after the one sip I was sold. We were then whisked away to our table and immediately tumbled into various conversations. In fact, we got so engrossed in conversation that we had to force ourselves to take a break and look at the menu before the waiter returned yet another time to try and take our order.
Once our orders had been placed, we renewed our discussions, flowing fluidly from one topic to another, finding synergies in our current lives and relationships and otherwise connecting to one another. We also shared stories about our past experiences and adventures as they pertained to our own sexual journeys. It was a very enjoyable evening. Continue reading Friday Night Lights (& Fights)