Amidst a flurry of texts from my myriad of admirers (😊), I received a text from Jay noting that he was taking the day off on Tuesday and asking if I would like to meet up for coffee or lunch. We arranged to meet at 1:00 pm after my dance class. At the last minute, we discovered that our chosen restaurant wouldn’t open in time, so we made a game-time decision to go to my favorite, local wine bar. I had mentioned the bar to Jay on our first date, but he hadn’t yet been.
I had messaged Jay to let him know I was running just a few minutes late, but told him that I was worth the wait. He assured me that I was and that he was fine hanging at the bar while he waited. When I arrived, I found Jay talking to the wine bar’s owner, Bill. It turned out that the two of them knew each other from the past (more synchronicity). I greeted Jay warmly but was admittedly anxious about being too demonstrative since Bill knows Viktor and me. Yet I knew that I had to say something, or I would feel entirely stifled during our date. So, I took a deep breath, walked over to the bar and told Bill I needed to tell him something. I asked him if he remembered making a cute comment on my Instagram account about polyamory in wine bars, a few months back. He didn’t quite remember, but I left the “p word” hanging there to indicate what was presently going on. I wanted him to know that I wasn’t cheating on Viktor and that he didn’t have to report me to the marriage police. Continue reading A Coming Out Party (of sorts)
Synchronicity in the City (& Other Sexy Stories)… Coined by Carl Jung, synchronicity refers to an unrelated coincidence that your mind attaches meaning to. But whether it is simply a Jungian construct or not, there are some things that just seem destined.
For example, on Thursday night I was flipping through various profiles on a dating app and came across one for a beguiling couple. Intrigued, I clicked “like” and was advised that we matched. A few minutes later, I received a text from the male half of the couple, Jason, reaching out to introduce himself. He expressed interest and we traded a few texts before I went to bed.
The next day, we resumed our thread and Jason asked if I wanted to meet him and his partner, Betty, for drinks Friday night since they would be at a music venue that evening in the city. I was interested in the opportunity to meet up, but, we soon agreed that the timing wouldn’t work out since I had my date with Jay that night. As we continued chatting, they mentioned that they were going to a party on Saturday night. Since Viktor and I were also attending a party on Saturday night, I wondered if we might be going to the same place. Sure enough, we would all be at the same event! So, we planned to meet up the next night.
Continue reading She Said: Love, Lips, Lust
In the past several weeks since our date, I have been trying to process what happened and how I feel about it. I was fine in the moment and don’t have any regrets, but I think that I had expected more chemistry between Dan and me, so the fact that it wasn’t as sexually satisfying for me was a surprise. And, more puzzling, when I initially reminisced about the actual events, I had a weird feeling – an embarrassment by the intimacy I shared with Dan. This had faded with time, but was both uncomfortable and interesting to me as I explored it further.
Although the saying is that familiarity breeds contempt, which isn’t literally applicable, I do wonder if familiarity added to the awkwardness since we do know each so other well. I think it can be a challenge to transition a platonic relationship to a sexual one, after so many years of friendship. And, yet, we don’t actually know each other. Yes, we’ve been friends for decades, but upon reflection, that doesn’t necessarily translate into real intimacy, especially as we previously only saw each other once or twice a year.
Continue reading Strange Bedfellows: Reflections on my date with Dan
The last time Dan took me out was on a Monday night and while we both had a great time, we had to cut things short since it was a “school night.” Thus, Dan was keen to schedule our next date on a Saturday. We ultimately ended up planning to meet up on the Friday after Thanksgiving, since it served the same purpose in that we didn’t have to wake up early the next day.
I texted Dan a week before our date and noted that I was looking forward to seeing him and wondered if there was a specific plan yet. He asked if a traditional dinner date would be acceptable and I readily agreed since I didn’t have any other ideas at the time.
We arranged to meet at a restaurant called Manhattan Cricket Club that had been recommended to me by a friend. Dan arrived a few minutes ahead of me and scoped out the process of getting upstairs. Thus, we enjoyed a lovely dinner downstairs, replete with oysters and fun cocktails, before we were whisked away to a dark room at the top of the stairs.
Continue reading An Overnight Date with Dan
This passage from Vigyan Bhairav Tantra really resonates with me:
While being caressed, Sweet Princess, enter the caress as everlasting life.
And as with many things tantra, anticipation is an underlying theme. Maybe this passage doesn’t blatantly speak to anticipation, but I think you’ll see my point in a moment.
Jeannie and I have dabbled in tantra research, and recently she’s reading a book with some specific techniques. A few weeks ago she taught me a very basic tantric breathing technique and it was pretty incredible. So the other night when she asked if I was interested in trying another technique, I was all for it. Continue reading Anticipation