Shit Just Got Real

After my date with Frank, I arrived home to find Viktor still awake. I filled him in on my evening and we talked about various topics. Eventually, we started discussing Justina. I was happy to hear about how well things were progressing with Viktor and Justina and was excited for their new relationship until…

In a somewhat casual, off-handed way, Viktor revealed that he was in love with Justina. I felt like I had just been punched in the gut. It was such a visceral response. Wait, what? You just started dating two weeks ago and you are already in love with her? It hurt like hell and I began to cry. A steady trail of tears began to fall down my face; I felt fear and sadness and a host of other unnamed emotions.

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Diligently Seeking Someone

Several months ago, I declared that I wanted a Boyfriend (yes, with a capital “B”) and, as I say of Viktor and myself, we never do anything by halves. So, needless to say, it has been an intensive, whirlwind two months. And, of course, while I am in search of said “Boyfriend,” I am still enjoying time with my existing set of men.

Early on in August, I finally made it to one of the monthly Polycocktails events, which was great. Viktor (who had been once before) and I went together and we met lots of lovely people, including Frank and his girlfriend, Dee. A few weeks later, Viktor and I had dinner with Frank and Dee, which was a wonderful opportunity to get to know them better, especially as we had spent more time at the mixer with Frank than Dee. Then, more recently, I met up with Frank on his own and am feeling into what I do or don’t want from him. I’m not sure there is sufficient chemistry on my part, but I think he is a really cool guy.

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ENM: The Ethics of Polyamory

The world is filled with acronyms and the dating scene is not immune. I frequently find myself heading over to the Urban Dictionary to decode people’s profiles. It’s a good thing I do because I recently thought that a duo who described themselves as a VGL couple might be vegan lovers, but it turns out that VGL stands for Very Good Looking (although if you have to state that you are very good looking …).

Anyway, another important acronym is ENM: Ethical Non-Monogamy. These three letters tell an important story because it is essentially the difference between being honest with your partner and being a cheater (yes, this is an oversimplification, but you get the idea).

When I meet people on the dating app, Viktor and I have a joint profile, so it should be clear to potential partners that we are practicing ethical non-monogamy. Moreover, when I have met people at play parties or elsewhere, I am quick to let them know that I am married and am happy to explain our situation. I don’t want anyone to be accidentally misled or be surprised. If they are not interested in pursuing me further as a result, no worries.

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Masquerade: What Lies Beneath?

This one is long, but worth it!

Prelude

After Jeannie had previously attended two very enjoyable erotic parties, I still had yet to attend one. Finally in November, we were booked to attend together and I was very excited for this new chapter in our exploration. Being the Saturday after Halloween the theme was “masquerade” with the suggested attire as “fetish, fancy costumes, or masks” giving a very Eyes Wide Shut vibe to the event. Here’s part of the invitation to give you a taste – and to get you in the mood for the rest of this story…

Tonight we are entering a realm of mystery and seduction. A masked ball. So our ritual is about “What lies beneath”. Beneath the mask, beneath the costumes, beneath the facade we wear everyday. What do we want to take off? What do we want to reveal? And at the same time – what do we want to attract? A room of beautiful, interesting people, the music, flirtation, dancing, intrigue: what can we as a group whip up, what juicy sexy magic can we spin from thin air?

This type of invitation is just spectacular and it really sets the mood well before ever getting to the party. So much to unpack, in the best possible way! But, before we get to the party, let’s set the stage for Jeannie and Viktor.

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He Said: Welcome to the House of Love

When Jeannie and I began this journey, a lot of our energy was focused on how she’d experience it. Jeannie had more concerns over how this could negatively impact our relationship, but she was also seeking something to help her reach her sexual potential that we both knew was in her and waiting to be tapped. Make no mistake, I’m seeking a lot from this journey as well, but at least going into it, I had fewer doubts, and wasn’t in search of anything specific other than increased fun and pleasure for us both. It was very important that Jeannie have both a positive experience and get the attention she deserve as this began. And so far, Jeannie has had the starring role.

Be careful what you wish for!

We’ve reached the point in this journey that there is no doubt Jeannie has had both a positive experience and gotten the attention she deserves. In fact, what I’ve now come to learn is that Jeannie has tapped into a power that I love to witness, and also now want to achieve for myself. While not foolproof by any means, Jeannie has the power to seduce. She has the power to attract. She has the power of feminine pleasure. This was on full display for me to witness as we attended the House of Love party last night. And this was the first time I was seeing this happen in real time.

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I Kissed a Boy (and I Liked It)

Early in our exploration of an open marriage Jeannie got off to a faster start than I did. She went to an erotic party (Let’s Get this Party Started) where she met her first new lover, went on her first date with said lover (Act I, Scene I) and a second (House Guest with a Twist) all before I got in on the act. A week of business travel took me out of attending the second erotic party with her (Return to the Scene of the Sublime) but on that same day I finally got my end of this party started.

My business trip technically ended on Friday, but I stayed into the weekend to attend a beach rave in Huntington Beach. Before going to the concert, Jeannie and I talked on the phone about our remaining day and night apart. She already had her plans set to go to the erotic party. So I said, “I desire to meet someone at the concert and take them back to my hotel room.” Jeannie very much approved of this and we agreed that, no matter what happened that night, we wouldn’t share stories over the phone Sunday morning. Instead, since I’d be home around 9pm Sunday, we’d share in person.

Being new to all of this, perhaps I set my sights too high. Or not.

Continue reading I Kissed a Boy (and I Liked It)

Open Marriage, ENM, Compersion… Oh, My!

One thing I quickly learned as we began exploring an open marriage is that the terminology in this lifestyle can be complicated. (Here’s an accurate, but tongue in cheek summary of the lingo.) Open marriage seems simple enough and can even be found in the Merriam-Webster dictionary. I also began using the term polyamory until Jeannie pointed out an important nuance in that term. Those in a polyamorous relationship (often referred to as a Triad or a Quad, etc.) are committing long-term to all the members of that relationship. In many cases, they will all live together as well. So Jeannie was right in correcting me as we aren’t truly polyamorous. We have no desire to expand our current living arrangement.

It’s also interesting to note that language geeks hate the word polyamory because of it’s etymology:

polyamory2-229

There are also lots of somewhat interchangeable terms, each with its own nuance or baggage. One that I’ve come to use is Ethical Non-Monogamy, or ENM. In our case open marriage is more accurate since we are, in fact, married, and ENM is a broader term. So I guess I should stick with open marriage for the most part.

Continue reading Open Marriage, ENM, Compersion… Oh, My!