Five First Dates

I am admittedly single minded when I have something I want and often approach things with a “to do” list mentality. Accordingly, ever since I decided that I wanted a boyfriend (and even more so in the wake of Justina’s arrival), I have been actively pursuing this goal. Yet, unlike “Buy bread” or “Pick up dry cleaning,” it is not so easily checked off one’s list.

My most recent pursuit centered on scheduling five first dates within one week, with the expectation that at least one would work out. My further thought was to schedule as many dates as possible and to schedule them close together so I could more clearly compare and contrast each one. I thought that their proximity to one another would provide clarity in knowing who/what I wanted. In the end, it was an exercise in futility and frustration. Honestly, it was too much, too soon and too tiring.

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I Love You! (or am I In Love With You?)

Jeannie recently posted “Emotional Rollercoasters and Shame Spirals: When Compersion Isn’t Enough” – It’s a very important part of our story and currently very raw and challenging. Yet, somehow, I’ve never felt closer to her; never more sure of our commitment and our bond. She’s struggling right now, having feelings or being discarded and used, and all I want to do is help alleviate those feelings. While I can provide a lot of emotional support, only Jeannie can process her emotions. Thankfully, because of our trust and communication, she hasn’t held back and has been asking me difficult questions. I may not want to hear them at first, but answering them has been so incredible helpful.

Before diving into the “love/in love” matter, I want to point out that there are at least two distinct things sending Jeannie down this shame spiral:

  • Disappointment in the lack of commitment from her partners (feeling used and discarded)
  • Dealing with my new found love for my girlfriend, Justina (jealousy and the painful potential that I might discard her)

I feel strongly that Jeannie was already concerned about the first point, but in reality it’s the second one that triggered the deep, dark, negative feelings she’s processing right now. And I get it, I’m sure I’d feel the same if she came home tomorrow and told me she’s in love with another. For this post, though, I’m separating the two and discussing only the topic within my control – my feelings toward Justina.

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Miami, Baby!

For our (23rd!!!) anniversary, we had originally planned to visit Turkey. But life got in the way and we needed to cancel those plans, so Jeannie decided that we should take the weekend to party in South Beach. Despite having lived in the Fort Lauderdale area for several years, I really never spent time in South Beach and Jeannie had been there for several Mama Gena weekends, so she knew her way around pretty well. We both agreed that South Beach has terrific sexy energy, and sexy people, so this would be the perfect backdrop to our celebration weekend.

Leading up to our anniversary, sooooooo much had happened that both Jeannie and I found ourselves with heads spinning and a little disconnected. Just a sampling of recent changes:

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A Birthday Surprise

On the weekend of Jeannie’s birthday she decided to host a party at our apartment. She asked surprisingly little of me on terms of preparing and hosting this party, which was especially nice. (We already did our own thing the actual night of her birthday and those arrangements were on me.)

The party was set for Saturday night and we had plans to attend an outdoor event in a park during the day. On the way to the daytime event, Jeannie expressed some desires for the day and night. One specific desire was:

“I desire a REAL birthday kiss from Vanessa!”

Jeannie and Vanessa were having this virtual love affair, mostly over text, since the brunch that introduced them and sparked their mutual infatuation. We weren’t sure she’d be attending the party until the night before.

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Collared!

As shared previously, Gary and I met on Feeld back in July with the direct goal for us to engage in a D/s relationship. I had truly been desiring to explore my submissive side in a safe, sane, consensual way and was thrilled to have manifested my very own Dom!

While I haven’t documented all of our encounters, we have seen each other somewhat consistently since then, each time getting to know each other better and often delving into another aspect of D/s play.

During this time, Viktor had heard a lot about Gary, but it was only a few weeks ago that they had a chance to meet. One Saturday, we had planned to go to the Sex Expo, and since Gary would also be attending, we arranged to meet up for lunch. The day became even more complex once we realized that Justina (Viktor’s girlfriend) would also be there.
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A Maelstrom of Desire

It was just a simple introduction on OKC – complimenting my smile and wanting to know more about me – but it was enough, along with his profile, to match and begin chatting. Thus, Sam and I were soon in an engaging conversation that captured my attention. He also introduced me to his wife, Dara, as there was the potential for us all to connect.

Within a short period of time, we scheduled our first date for post-work drinks. The dialog flowed easily and the hours flew by. We reluctantly decided to say goodnight and ended the date with a brief kiss. He texted on his way home (always a good sign and my preference) and complimented the kiss.

On our date, we had talked about deliberately taking things slowly since I am looking for a more substantial connection to which he agreed. But, apparently, my kiss kindled something intense in him since the next morning he shared a very erotic dream he had had of me. And then the sexting began… in earnest.

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Blissed Out Beyond Belief

As a student of all things (well, many things) related to sex, I am no stranger to sexual empowerment and have read about the transformational power of orgasm from Layla Martin, Keeley Olivia and others. But, to tell the truth, I always thought they were exaggerating. Yes, sex can be amazing, but could it really be as magical as they claimed? Spoiler alert: It can!

Last weekend, Viktor and I had a very specific sex date planned. Among his desires, Viktor very much wants to have anal sex with me and we have agreed to begin prepping in this regard. Thus, we had decided that we would engage in some anal play, namely butt plugs that Viktor had purchased for this purpose.

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Relationship Energy: New and Old

There was a point awhile back when I was worried that Jeannie was getting caught up in our new lifestyle in unhealthy ways. She had several active play partners, she was texting endlessly, and would be on dating apps until the wee hours looking for more. I shared my observation, but in the spirit of our openness, I made no attempts to change her behavior. That’s up to her, not me.

Jeannie readily admitted that she was getting very caught up in all the attention. After all, one of her top turns-ons is being the center of attention! And even though it felt like she had no time left for me, she did! It took some time to find the right balance, but suddenly she’d be getting turned on by a goodnight text and would turn to me in such a state of arousal, leading to some very hot sex.

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Polysaturated

Polysaturated (not to be confused with polyunsaturated) isn’t a real word, but here’s a definition I was able to cobble together from Urban Dictionary and my own thoughts:

When a polyamorous person has as many relationships as they think they can handle, or need, at a given time.

Used in a sentence:

“Viktor is feeling polysaturated between Jeannie, Justina, Wyatt, and a few others in his orbit.”

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When It Rains, It Pours…

…but it can’t put out My Fire!

Prerequisite Reading: I’m on Fire!

Meeting and truly connecting with Justina last week has been indescribably awesome. While she tops the list of wonderful things for me in the last week, there are at least three other things that would have taken the top spot last week, if not for Justina. This is just one of them…

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