desire – Page 4 – Summer of Sexiness

Prelude to (more than) a kiss…

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On Tuesday night, Jon texted me: “Ice Cream? Wednesday or Friday?” I was excited that he was interested in seeing me again so soon, especially since we already had a date scheduled for Monday. Eventually, we realized that to make an ice cream meeting happen, we would need to twist ourselves into pretzels, so we abandoned the idea.

However, while I had his attention, I asked him if we were confirmed for Monday. He replied, yes. I then asked for details on the time and place because we had not discussed anything other than that it would be a daytime date on Monday.

He texted back: text …followed by an address (withheld for obvious reasons). Then, when I asked him what time I should arrive, he wrote, “We have from 10 to 6.” It was so fucking hot!
Continue reading Prelude to (more than) a kiss…

She Said: Love, Lips, Lust

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Synchronicity in the City (& Other Sexy Stories)… Coined by Carl Jung, synchronicity refers to an unrelated coincidence that your mind attaches meaning to. But whether it is simply a Jungian construct or not, there are some things that just seem destined.

For example, on Thursday night I was flipping through various profiles on a dating app and came across one for a beguiling couple. Intrigued, I clicked “like” and was advised that we matched. A few minutes later, I received a text from the male half of the couple, Jason, reaching out to introduce himself. He expressed interest and we traded a few texts before I went to bed.

The next day, we resumed our thread and Jason asked if I wanted to meet him and his partner, Betty, for drinks Friday night since they would be at a music venue that evening in the city. I was interested in the opportunity to meet up, but, we soon agreed that the timing wouldn’t work out since I had my date with Jay that night. As we continued chatting, they mentioned that they were going to a party on Saturday night. Since Viktor and I were also attending a party on Saturday night, I wondered if we might be going to the same place. Sure enough, we would all be at the same event! So, we planned to meet up the next night.

Continue reading She Said: Love, Lips, Lust

He Said: Love, Lips, Lust

(Another long post, another terrific story!)

Over the last 2-3 months it feels like we’ve been hibernating. Expansion and contraction are natural and this was clearly a needed period of contraction and reflection. But during that time, this didn’t seem obvious and I was wondering if the “magic” of our sexual explorations had worn off.

Not only has the magic returned, it is more powerful than ever.

Let me start with a short “catch up” to set the scene…

After some fun events in late fall, Jeannie and I both seemed to shut down a bit – a result of a number of factors.
There were some fantastic intimate encounters between us in this period. And while they were very powerful, they felt isolated and disconnected from our path.
Winter, while overall mild so far, had a few really brutal spells which may have forced the hibernation feeling.
Travel and a brutal cold (for Jeannie) were also disruptive.
We didn’t have a lot of leads on outside partners, either – and no great parties to attend where we might meet some.

Continue reading He Said: Love, Lips, Lust

She Said: The Seasonality of Sex

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To every season, turn, turn, turn…Like the seasons and the moon, our lives are cyclical. We wax and wane. There is growth and death, repeating itself time and time again.

There is a warmth during the Summer fueled by the sun, which nourishes us and allows us to expand. Come Winter, days become darker and shorter, a time to reflect and contract.

In this vein, the launch of the Summer of Sexiness eight months ago marked a huge expansion for me. I pressed edges as I experimented and experienced so much. I felt energized and alive during all of my adventures and explorations.

But, as autumn came and went, I was lethargic and less interested in sex. My desire waned significantly and I wondered if I was done. Then, as I got ready to welcome the Winter Solstice, I was reminded that there is nothing wrong with the need to go inward after such a sustained period of growth.
Continue reading She Said: The Seasonality of Sex

Unicornicopia!(And Conjured Desires)

Friday after Thanksgiving Jeannie had a date scheduled with Dan, so the night was mine. With no specific events in the kink community scheduled that I wanted to attend, I looked for a fun night of music and dance.

Last time I was at House of Yes it was for a House of Love part (see: He Said: Welcome to the House of Love) and that night didn’t really go as planned. This time, House of Yes was advertising its 3rd annual Unicornicopia party with the dress code:

Unicorns, mythical creatures of many horns, glitter, glitz and glam.

With a lineup of local DJs that I enjoy, this seemed like the perfect event. Now, technically, this was not a House of Love party, so it wasn’t exactly a redo from last time. However, House of Yes really does promote a “place of yes” where attendees can meet new people and try new things that may be somewhat outside their comfort zone. And as I learned from my first erotic party (see: Masquerade: What Lies Beneath?) setting intentions and desires effectively can make all the difference.

Continue reading Unicornicopia!(And Conjured Desires)

She Said: Shame? Shame!

As always, I am in awe of Viktor and his vulnerability in sharing his personal thoughts and experiences with shame.

However, his post, as beautiful as it is, leaves out an element of shame that I think is an important aspect that should also be added to the conversation — namely, that of internal shame. I don’t know if men experience sexual shame in the same way (I questioned Viktor about it and this hasn’t been his personal experience), but I see for myself that I still harbor so much internal shame around sex and desire.

Like Viktor, I obviously can only write from my own experiences, but I do think that much of the cultural conditioning that I received as a child will have been similar, if not the same as many other women. In this regard, as young girls in the American culture, we are generally raised to think of sex as something sinful that we do solely for procreation or out of duty for our husbands. Continue reading She Said: Shame? Shame!

He Said: Shame? Shame!

NOTE: This post is entirely based on my personal experience. Jeannie has posted a follow up (She Said: Shame? Shame!) because there’s a whole other, deeper, level of shame that she, and likely many women, experience.

Shame is a huge topic and I won’t do it justice here. However, it’s been on my mind a lot lately and I’d like to address a few things. Most importantly, why is there still shame associated with so many things that should otherwise be positive? This question comes to me as I constantly consider who to let into “my inner circle” – basically, who among my friends and family get to see the real me and know all the truths about my life and lifestyle. Continue reading He Said: Shame? Shame!

Masquerade: What Lies Beneath?

This one is long, but worth it!

Prelude

After Jeannie had previously attended two very enjoyable erotic parties, I still had yet to attend one. Finally in November, we were booked to attend together and I was very excited for this new chapter in our exploration. Being the Saturday after Halloween the theme was “masquerade” with the suggested attire as “fetish, fancy costumes, or masks” giving a very Eyes Wide Shut vibe to the event. Here’s part of the invitation to give you a taste – and to get you in the mood for the rest of this story…

Tonight we are entering a realm of mystery and seduction. A masked ball. So our ritual is about “What lies beneath”. Beneath the mask, beneath the costumes, beneath the facade we wear everyday. What do we want to take off? What do we want to reveal? And at the same time – what do we want to attract? A room of beautiful, interesting people, the music, flirtation, dancing, intrigue: what can we as a group whip up, what juicy sexy magic can we spin from thin air?

This type of invitation is just spectacular and it really sets the mood well before ever getting to the party. So much to unpack, in the best possible way! But, before we get to the party, let’s set the stage for Jeannie and Viktor.

Continue reading Masquerade: What Lies Beneath?

All Tied Up … a busy birthday weekend!

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My birthday is very important to me and I consider it to be my favorite holiday. Given its importance, Viktor knows how much I appreciate his attention to planning something special. This year, we decided to use rewards points to splurge on a stay at an upscale hotel. I booked the room for the Saturday night after my birthday, but, beyond that, I left the planning up to Viktor.

We are generally very open with one another and don’t keep secrets, so if one of us wants to plan anything clandestine, we have to be explicit in this intent. For example, on any given day, we receive a variety of packages from Amazon. Most of them are boring: dog food, undershirts, laundry detergent, etc. Given the mundane nature of such parcels, I usually open them upon receipt. However, when Viktor is up to something, he advises me not to open any packages, and I am happy to oblige. Continue reading All Tied Up … a busy birthday weekend!

Desperately seeking desire…initial thoughts

Desperately seeking desire I had been trying to write this post for weeks, then months, but it continually seemed to elude me. Throughout the Summer of Sexiness, I have learned so much about the concept of desire, but have also discovered that there is so much more to it. I had initially thought that I was just seeking desire – the desire to have sex – but, as I proceed in my sexploration, I feel certain that desire is actually enmeshed in turn-on and arousal, so it is challenging to tease out the individual strands of this issue.

In this regard, I began this pursuit thinking that it was just a lack of desire – aka low libido – that was the root cause of my “problem.” But, I now see that it is much more layered and nuanced and that libido is important, but insufficient. There is more to unpack and learn here… Continue reading Desperately seeking desire…initial thoughts