Polysaturated

Polysaturated (not to be confused with polyunsaturated) isn’t a real word, but here’s a definition I was able to cobble together from Urban Dictionary and my own thoughts:

When a polyamorous person has as many relationships as they think they can handle, or need, at a given time.

Used in a sentence:

“Viktor is feeling polysaturated between Jeannie, Justina, Wyatt, and a few others in his orbit.”

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When It Rains, It Pours…

…but it can’t put out My Fire!

Prerequisite Reading: I’m on Fire!

Meeting and truly connecting with Justina last week has been indescribably awesome. While she tops the list of wonderful things for me in the last week, there are at least three other things that would have taken the top spot last week, if not for Justina. This is just one of them…

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Entering the Lion’s Gate

In early August, I had my first date with Lawrence, which I had been very much looking forward to since our initial connection on the dating app. We found a mutually convenient date and arranged to meet in his neighborhood. But, it wasn’t until I arrived at the restaurant and saw him coming down the stoop of the apartment building next door that I realized just how close to home it was. But, as I had joked with him earlier, I was happy to come to the East Village and thanked him for not living in Queens or Brooklyn 😊.

We immediately hit it off and jumped right into deep conversation, sharing stories and otherwise showing ourselves to one another. He also revealed that his birthday was the next day, which meant that he was astrologically a Leo. I had remembered that it was 8-8, the Lion’s Gate and noted the significance of this important date to him.

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What Turns You On?

Viktor knows me and knows my body, so being intimate with him is relatively easy and effortless. I don’t have to think about what he’s doing that turns me on; it just does. But, as I mentioned recently, being with a new sexual partner can be daunting. You want to please each other (if not, that’s just plain rude!) and a very reasonable question to ask is: What turns you on? I have, in fact, been asked this question by a partner as well as by my S Factor teacher (in different contexts, of course). Yet, in both cases, I had no real answer for them, at least not in the moment that the question was posed.

For the most part, I should know the answer, but I think some of my trepidation at answering this question is the expectation that it has to be something that absolutely, physically arouses me. I feel like I am supposed to be able to say do x, y and z and I will climax, guaranteed.

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Third Date’s A Charm

On our last date, Matt and I took advantage of his children’s visit to grandma and grandpa’s and he hosted us at his home in Queens. Since his children are usually at home (obviously), I invited him to come to my apartment for our third date. Unfortunately, we were unable to capitalize on Viktor’s quick trip to Europe, but we arranged to meet up on a recent Monday night and Viktor agreed to go to the movies, thus giving us some time alone.

Matt arrived in a torrential downpour, which I chose to see as nostalgic of our first date (on which it had rained). I welcomed him in and gave him a tour of our home. In the lead up to our date, we had decided to conduct research on BDSM and compare notes. I wasn’t sure how seriously he would take the “assignment,” but I took it to heart, writing up a formal document complete with images and a bibliography. I plied Matt with wine and we sat down to a lively discussion on this topic, filling in gaps in each other’s research and generally enjoying the connections we were drawing between the past and present, as we learned more about the history of BDSM.

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Attachment Theory

Months ago, Jon sent me a link to a dating article from Ask Men magazine. My first reaction to the article was that it was focused on Millennials who were unwilling to commit and thus didn’t apply to us because 1) we had both committed to our spouses and 2) neither of us is a Millennial. I probed him further and he explained that he wanted to know if I thought there was a concern about either of us becoming attached to our relationship, revealing that he and his previous play partner had said (and meant) I love you to one another.

I re-read the article, which provided guidance on how to keep things casual in a relationship, suggesting you limit the frequency you see one another and avoid romantic dates. Perhaps it was good advice, but I wondered… Which has greater influence on us: candlelight or cuddling?

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Life is but a Dream…hotel

For our third date, Tim asked if I wanted to go somewhere trendy or more sedate. I chose trendy and we arranged to meet at the rooftop bar at the Dream Hotel Downtown. The weather was perfect and I found Tim sitting at a table on the balcony, with amazing views of the New York City skyline.

It had been a few weeks since we had seen each other and we warmly greeted one another and then Tim presented me with a gift… stockings from Agent Provocateur. It was a sexy start to the evening.

We enjoyed a few drinks and had fun catching up with each other. Then Tim suggested that we go to dinner and offered me some choices in the neighborhood. We decided to go to Buddakan, headed over to the restaurant and proceeded to have a delicious meal.

After dinner, we started walking back to the hotel. I was a little tipsy and wasn’t paying close attention, thinking that we were going back to the rooftop for another drink or two. Then suddenly I realized that we were heading to a room. Beautifully executed!

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All’s Well that Ends Well

Even though Tim is a relatively new addition to my dating life, to talk about him, I have to go back to the beginning. I initially met him at the first party and really enjoyed his company. We connected again at the next month’s party when we coincidentally sat next to each other on the subway. We both kept glancing over unsure if we had or hadn’t met and each equally uncomfortable to ask the other if we had met before…at an erotic party!

At the end of the June event, I was disappointed that he didn’t ask for my number but chalked it up to the fact that he likely presumed that I was with Hank. But, despite his seemingly limited interest, I thought about him and contrived to go to his favorite bar on an evening when I had dressed up and just had my hair done.

Upon arrival at the bar, I did see him, but wasn’t sure there was sufficient interest/ friendship to walk over and say hello. Eventually, I did resolve to go over to talk to him, but by then he was conversing with a young, blonde woman and I wasn’t comfortable to interrupt. Thus, I settled in at the bar, had a delicious drink, met some guys (who were nice, but were decidedly NOT Tim) and consequently went home a bit disappointed. Continue reading All’s Well that Ends Well

Happy Polyversary: A Love Letter to Viktor

My dearest Viktor,

Wow! I can’t believe that this past year has flown by. It has been such an amazing experience to go on this polyamorous journey with you as we pushed, prodded and pulled our marriage in new and exciting ways. Even more unbelievable is how much this has brought us closer together, increased our intimacy and dramatically improved our sex lives!

Early on in our marriage, when I was convinced that I was “broken,” you stood by your conviction that you would rather be with me without sex than be with someone else with lots of sex. I even encouraged you to find a mistress, but you chose not to pursue this option. Instead, we found ways to maintain our connection and bond, but it was frustrating for both of us as we endured an undersexed marriage.

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