In my last post, I mused, “Can I reclaim the fun [of this journey]?” Fortunately, the answer is a resounding Yes!
It had been a difficult and emotional week. In addition to feeling lonely and much less loved, I also had a heated discussion with Viktor on Thursday night. Of course, feeling less connected to one’s partner is never good, but it felt especially vulnerable in the run up to Valentine’s Day. Thankfully, by the conclusion of our intense conversation, I was more at ease with the situation and ready for the holiday.
This year for Valentine’s Day, we had decided to go to the House of Love party at House of Yes with Gigi. Given the event’s coincidence with the holiday, the theme was Red Haute. Despite planning my costume for weeks, the morning of Valentine’s Day, I was less excited about this year’s plans because last year had been so amazing (See this post and this one). Plus, my last venture to House of Love had not been a great success, so I had some trepidation about what the night would bring. Time would tell…
In spite of a less than enthusiastic outlook, I headed into my Friday with an upbeat attitude, which was rewarded in spades. My usual Friday S Factor class was great and I had an awesome dance, unlocking new emotions and finding new movement.
Continue reading House of Love: Valentine’s Day edition – Some Like it (Red) Haute!
Polyamory isn’t always about wild orgies and sex parties. Maybe for some it is, but that’s not us. And that’s precisely why we started this blog, to present a different viewpoint that includes the highs and the lows of this exploration. Simply put, polyamory is complicated and rarely easy, and those in the lifestyle need to constantly balance the pros and cons; constantly evaluate if the pleasure is worth the pain.
This past week was one of those moments where it seemed to Jeannie and me that our poly journey might need to end. We were seriously wondering if the pleasure outweighed the pain as we hit a true low point on this journey. Jeannie spiraled quickly to a very dark place this week, but I’m happy to report that we’re coming out the other side successfully.
And we’re falling in love all over again!
Continue reading Falling In Love. All Over Again.
It’s been a relatively quite two weeks since A Kinky Reset, and I’m pretty sure I needed it. I had a much anticipated date with Justina cancelled cause she was sick and while I was disappointed, it seemed for the best for everyone. Sometimes we have to focus on ordinary life, self-care, etc. Without a solid grounding for ourselves, how can we share with others?
I appreciated the “quiet” time, but was also getting a little anxious about various activities and partners. Despite allowing myself to properly recharge by doing the things I needed to do for myself, I was feeling disconnected from others – especially my friends. I couldn’t put my finger on why and sometimes the why doesn’t really matter. This may be one of those times.
In a mildly depressed emotional state, I entered into a weekend with a lot of friendly interaction on the calendar.
Continue reading Non-Sexual Intimacy is Sexy!
At the end of my emotional rollercoaster ride and my five first dates, I was exhausted. However, Justina, Viktor and I were scheduled to go to the House of Love party on Friday night. And, while I was a little nervous, I was very much looking forward to our first foray into the world as a polycule.
Our evening became a little more complicated when Gigi not only started dating Dan (who is now my employer as well as my friend), but also decided that they, too, would attend the House of Love party. We agreed to pre-game with them as is our usual plan with Gigi pre-House of Yes events.
In addition, friends Lane and Nolan who I had met on Feeld, but befriended instead, had taken me up on my invite and were excited, but anxious, to be there. Plus, my friend K, who had had an unhappy experience at the previous House of Love party, was giving it another go. So, there would be a big group of us there together.
Continue reading Houses and Hearts of Love
Both Jeannie and Justina continue push me to ponder and challenge everything. They are both being so incredibly honest and vulnerable, and
asking requiring that I do the same. I want this, and I like this, and I like the results. However, it’s a terribly uncomfortable place – honesty. Only over the last year or so has Jeannie been this honest and direct with me. Jeannie and I have always been honest, that’s not in question. But like most couples, we didn’t take the initiative to address some topics early on, instead waiting until there was discomfort. Together we’ve been exercising a new muscle, but there are several decades of habits to “unlearn” so this isn’t an easy process.
Meanwhile, I meet Justina, and, to some extent, this is her natural state. (That’s oversimplifying it, but accurate for the purposes of this post.) She feeds on honest, open feedback and provides the same without shame. I welcome this, but it’s the first new relationship I’ve ever had where I can share so openly!
Continue reading The Story My Mind Is Telling Me…
“But you saw more
You saw my deepest part
With the light of a thousand stars
You saw them, awake in me
And through your eyes
You show me everything
You woke me up inside
Brought back to life
I lost myself
Now I breathe again”
The title of this post comes from the refrain of one of my favorite songs to dance to in class: The Ever by Red. And, with this emphasis on rage, beauty, and haunting lyrics that speak to being seen, I thought it was perfectly apropos for sharing this experience.
Specifically, I had a profound dance at S Factor last weekend during an EC (Erotic Creature) Romp — a 4-hour, immersive workshop. During my first dance, I had my hands tied behind my back. It felt thrilling, straining against the binds — the yearning to touch, to break free…and the vulnerability of being bound and restrained. I pulled against the taut strings; it was like music being drawn out slowly through the air. I felt the raw depth of forcing my body into new shapes, breaking old/stagnant patterns and pushing against bonds and boundaries.
Continue reading It’s Beauty and Rage
A few days after our first date, Ryan came over after work to spend the night with me. Viktor was out of town on business, so he wouldn’t hijack our date this time around (wink) and it gave us a chance to get to know each other better and explore our intimacy further.
Upon Ryan’s arrival, I opened up a bottle of wine so we could relax into the evening and unwind from the day. It felt great to see him and be held and kissed and I had to reluctantly drag myself away to go to the kitchen for the wine.
Continue reading Nights of twine and poses