Tag: communication

And then there was none…

apple apple device blur cell phone

As I recently relayed, I sunsetted my relationship with Hank a few weeks ago and felt good about that decision. While I was hoping to find someone new with whom to establish a long-term situation, I knew that I still had Kevin in play (so to speak) and was looking forward to exploring that relationship in more depth. However, it seems to have fizzled in a most confusing manner.

When we first connected, Kevin not only texted me, but also called me on occasion. After our overnight date, which had ostensibly gone so well, he went a bit silent, so I reached out with a Bitmoji a week later. He immediately responded with his own Bitmoji and expressed interest in planning another date. I asked him for clarification on what might work for him so that I could send possible dates, but there was no response. Continue reading And then there was none…

A (Brief) Crisis of Conscience: Exploring the Sacred and the Profane

aquatic bloom blooming blossom

You never know when emotions might hit you…hard. And, sometimes, the happiest of events can make you sad. Even still, I was quite surprised when I started to have a minor anxiety attack at our friends’ recent wedding. But, as it’s the first/only freak-out since this all began, I think I am doing really well managing the emotions that are being stirred up.

Anyway, it was an absolutely beautiful afternoon as the bride and groom were joined together as husband and wife, framed by the stunning landscape of the Adirondack Mountains. The light rain of earlier in the day had been banished and a cool breeze floated by. And, then, so did a butterfly, just as the bride’s brother, who was officiating the ceremony, talked about… butterflies. Continue reading A (Brief) Crisis of Conscience: Exploring the Sacred and the Profane

Chapter One Comes to a Close

close up of heart shape

As I shared previously, meeting Hank truly kicked off this whole Summer of Sexiness. It was as if I had been awakened from a long, sexless slumber and felt more alive, more turned on than ever before. I was so excited to receive his texts and really looked forward to our dates and sexual encounters.

And, early on, he expressed genuine interest in me, making me feel wanted and desired. He also alluded to possible future plans and treated me very well, meeting me at the subway, making sure I got home safely and otherwise ensuring that I felt cared for and cared about. Continue reading Chapter One Comes to a Close

Get it in writing… or not

agreement balance business commerce

When we first started talking about the concept of an open marriage, I wanted to create a formal contract. I originally got the idea from a woman I had met at a Jaiya event who had a lover, as did her husband. She told me about their agreement and promised to send me a copy of their contract. She never did, but I liked the idea of codifying everything upfront.

Yet, it was all so hazy and nebulous that I had trouble getting started. Frankly, I wasn’t sure what I wanted it to say. I did eventually do a quick search online and found this humorous version as well as some guidelines here, but aside from this simple search, I never got around to writing one myself. Continue reading Get it in writing… or not

Sweet Surrender

54798-30 (1)My first date with Kevin (who I had met at the erotic party) was relatively tame, but really nice. We met at a casual restaurant overlooking the Hudson River, with views of the sunset.

Over drinks and a light dinner, we had a lovely time getting to know one another and feeling each other out for what we were looking for. It seemed like he wanted to take things slow, build a connection and was just generally a sweet guy. I wondered if perhaps he might be too nice/too vanilla but was open to see what would happen with time. And, I really liked his flirty texts; he had sent me a photo of his pool and noted that bathing suits were not permitted at night. Continue reading Sweet Surrender

Swinging: The Full Swap Explained

In swinger circles there is a lot of insider shorthand used to communicate effectively. While some of it seems a little silly, the intent is to assure that everyone has an effective way of communicating clearly. This is super important as individuals or couples may have certain behaviors or activities they really want to try, or others that are completely off the table. Upfront communication is critical.

Consent and communication are key. And NOTHING is permissible without consent.

Take, for example, the critical boundaries set by couples as they engage with each other. If two couples agree to swap, one of the first things they will agree upon is that the activity is a Soft Swap (outercourse only) or a Full Swap (intercourse permissible.) Further, participants need to clearly communicate any “hard limits” (activities they will not allow) and/or anything they may really want to experience. Consent and communication are key. And NOTHING is permissible without consent.

Continue reading Swinging: The Full Swap Explained