Meeting New Play Partners

Having pretty much given up on dating apps, I’m always looking for more ways to meet potential partners IRL. I’ve met a few through my dance community, but I also have concerns about “messing things up” within that community, so I’m proceeding with caution. And regular (non-poly) events pose other thorny issues, not the least of which: “why is this dude with a wedding ring hitting on me?” 😳

Enter “Poly Cocktails” and other poly mixers. Here in NYC there’s a standing monthly Poly Cocktails event that’s free to attend and draws a respectable and respectful crowd from the poly community. There are also “munches” and other vanilla events for the community to mix and mingle with like minded folks, without the pressure of a play party. Jeannie and I have been to a few and we’ve met great folks, but really never actually met a new play partner.

That all changed recently.

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Non-Sexual Intimacy is Sexy!

It’s been a relatively quite two weeks since A Kinky Reset, and I’m pretty sure I needed it. I had a much anticipated date with Justina cancelled cause she was sick and while I was disappointed, it seemed for the best for everyone. Sometimes we have to focus on ordinary life, self-care, etc. Without a solid grounding for ourselves, how can we share with others?

I appreciated the “quiet” time, but was also getting a little anxious about various activities and partners. Despite allowing myself to properly recharge by doing the things I needed to do for myself, I was feeling disconnected from others – especially my friends. I couldn’t put my finger on why and sometimes the why doesn’t really matter. This may be one of those times.

In a mildly depressed emotional state, I entered into a weekend with a lot of friendly interaction on the calendar.

Continue reading Non-Sexual Intimacy is Sexy!

Houses and Hearts of Love

At the end of my emotional rollercoaster ride and my five first dates, I was exhausted. However, Justina, Viktor and I were scheduled to go to the House of Love party on Friday night. And, while I was a little nervous, I was very much looking forward to our first foray into the world as a polycule.

Our evening became a little more complicated when Gigi not only started dating Dan (who is now my employer as well as my friend), but also decided that they, too, would attend the House of Love party. We agreed to pre-game with them as is our usual plan with Gigi pre-House of Yes events.

In addition, friends Lane and Nolan who I had met on Feeld, but befriended instead, had taken me up on my invite and were excited, but anxious, to be there. Plus, my friend K, who had had an unhappy experience at the previous House of Love party, was giving it another go. So, there would be a big group of us there together.

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A Birthday Surprise

On the weekend of Jeannie’s birthday she decided to host a party at our apartment. She asked surprisingly little of me on terms of preparing and hosting this party, which was especially nice. (We already did our own thing the actual night of her birthday and those arrangements were on me.)

The party was set for Saturday night and we had plans to attend an outdoor event in a park during the day. On the way to the daytime event, Jeannie expressed some desires for the day and night. One specific desire was:

“I desire a REAL birthday kiss from Vanessa!”

Jeannie and Vanessa were having this virtual love affair, mostly over text, since the brunch that introduced them and sparked their mutual infatuation. We weren’t sure she’d be attending the party until the night before.

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Relationship Energy: New and Old

There was a point awhile back when I was worried that Jeannie was getting caught up in our new lifestyle in unhealthy ways. She had several active play partners, she was texting endlessly, and would be on dating apps until the wee hours looking for more. I shared my observation, but in the spirit of our openness, I made no attempts to change her behavior. That’s up to her, not me.

Jeannie readily admitted that she was getting very caught up in all the attention. After all, one of her top turns-ons is being the center of attention! And even though it felt like she had no time left for me, she did! It took some time to find the right balance, but suddenly she’d be getting turned on by a goodnight text and would turn to me in such a state of arousal, leading to some very hot sex.

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Polysaturated

Polysaturated (not to be confused with polyunsaturated) isn’t a real word, but here’s a definition I was able to cobble together from Urban Dictionary and my own thoughts:

When a polyamorous person has as many relationships as they think they can handle, or need, at a given time.

Used in a sentence:

“Viktor is feeling polysaturated between Jeannie, Justina, Wyatt, and a few others in his orbit.”

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When It Rains, It Pours…

…but it can’t put out My Fire!

Prerequisite Reading: I’m on Fire!

Meeting and truly connecting with Justina last week has been indescribably awesome. While she tops the list of wonderful things for me in the last week, there are at least three other things that would have taken the top spot last week, if not for Justina. This is just one of them…

Continue reading When It Rains, It Pours…