Swinging: The Full Swap Explained

In swinger circles there is a lot of insider shorthand used to communicate effectively. While some of it seems a little silly, the intent is to assure that everyone has an effective way of communicating clearly. This is super important as individuals or couples may have certain behaviors or activities they really want to try, or others that are completely off the table. Upfront communication is critical.

Consent and communication are key. And NOTHING is permissible without consent.

Take, for example, the critical boundaries set by couples as they engage with each other. If two couples agree to swap, one of the first things they will agree upon is that the activity is a Soft Swap (outercourse only) or a Full Swap (intercourse permissible.) Further, participants need to clearly communicate any “hard limits” (activities they will not allow) and/or anything they may really want to experience. Consent and communication are key. And NOTHING is permissible without consent.

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Act I, Scene I

black and white coffee couple cups

After we met at an erotic party (See Let’s Get This Party Started), Hank and I texted back and forth during the week, eventually setting up dinner plans. As we counted down the days to our date, I was excited and filled with wonder. All week I buzzed with energetic arousal like never before. I still felt ungrounded, alive, aflame! It was amazing and exhausting all at once.

Plus, there was the anticipation of a first date after 20+ years. What to wear? What would I say? And, more importantly, what did I want? As I was getting dressed, I was texting with my friend T who asked me what my desires for the date might be. I told her that I wanted to have an open and honest conversation with Hank, get to know him better and feel out what might about what might be possible for our non-conventional relationship. I desired to feel his desire; to feel his gaze and attention; and for him to sensually kiss me on the back of my neck. Then, I headed out the door and was on my way.

Continue reading Act I, Scene I

Let’s Get this Party Started

woman holding heart shape with hands

In early May, I went to an erotic party with my friend T. Both of us were nervous and excited to attend, not knowing what to expect or what we wanted out of the evening. I just knew that I wanted to be open to new experiences and to really participate, not just watch from the sidelines. Along those lines, I used the event’s pink pleasure theme as an excuse to purchase a new set of sexy lingerie. I also knew that I didn’t want to have sex with a stranger, but, did I want to connect with anyone? And, if so, to what extent did I want to engage?

Soon after we arrived, T and I were introduced to Hank who was giving each guest a tour of the space and also introduced folks to another. Awhile later, the party got underway; first, with a ritual, welcoming everyone and then, the host demonstrated consent: a key element to the party. At this point, the party was set in motion.

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Let’s Talk About KINK!

Many will find the title of the post shocking. Many want to never, EVER, talk about KINK.

Society not wanting to acknowledge KINK is precisely why I am talking about KINK.

There’s soooooo much to talk about here, but the bottom line is this… Kink is normal. Kink is fine. Kink is FUN! OK, not everyone will find it fun; it won’t be right for everyone. But everyone should be comfortable addressing and acknowledging kink. It’s not some dirty thing that takes place in dark dungeons (well, not ONLY dark dungeons at least.) And it certainly isn’t Fifty Shades of Grey. In the D/s world (more on that in a moment) a scene or a lifestyle could be like Fifty Shades of Grey, and that’s cool. But it’s not the most common thing you’d experience.

In my first post I mentioned Jaiya’s Erotic Blueprint and I will, again, encourage you to take this quiz. My dominant erotic persona is Kink and when I discovered this, my first feeling was concern. Actually, no, perhaps it was shame. In any case, I wasn’t excited to learn that I was kinky (although deep down I suspected this and while taking the quiz it started to become obvious based on some of my honest answers.)

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Who Am I (Sexually)?

Jeannie gave the introduction to our story here. And our intent for this blog is to provide as much of the same story from two perspectives: She Said and He Said. This isn’t to complicate the story or to contradict each other. Instead, this is to enhance the story — to get a real feel for how each of us experience this journey differently. And because, like it or not, women and men face very different challenges when it comes to sex and experimentation.

During the almost 20-years of marriage prior to when this story really begins, I was facing very different challenges, despite being in the very same relationship. I’ve always been a very sexual being, but I have consciously put love and caring ahead of sex ahead sexuality. Over the years of our marriage that I put being supportive of Jeannie over my sexual desire, I grew a bit cold and callous to sex in general. Because we weren’t having sex regularly, I found my desire to initiate waning.

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The Summer of Sexiness: Down the Rabbit Hole

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I’m really not sure where to begin because in some ways this story starts this past May; in others, it begins four years ago; but, if I am really honest, it really goes back to my early 20s, when I was first out of college. Back then, I was enjoying being single, launching my career and trying to figure out what I wanted from life. And, what I wanted from my sex life.

I dated around at first and then proceeded to fall in and out of love with a number of different men, each one bringing his own unique set of characteristics that captivated me at the time.  I felt comfortable having sex with these men and considered myself to be a well-adjusted, sexually empowered woman.

Continue reading The Summer of Sexiness: Down the Rabbit Hole