This will be a long post about our full swap with Jake and Mia. It will begin innocently, just as the night began. And, as with that night, this post will get more and more explicit…
As “awkward” was quickly replaced with “smokin’ hot!”
The plan was to meet Jake and Mia at the hotel bar, but as luck would have it, we found them checking in as we arrived. Jake immediately leaned in and gave Jeannie a passionate kiss, and then Mia did the same. Each of these actions aroused me immediately, and then I was faced with the awkward, “what do I do?” moment. (I did nothing, yet.) There would be a few of these, but “awkward” was quickly replaced with “smokin’ hot!” so it was worth it.
Before going to the bar, we went to drop stuff off in our room and Mia proceeded to shower. While in the shower, Jake began kissing and fondling Jeannie; then after a few minutes looked up at me and said, “May I kiss your wife?” As I responded, “Of course,” Jeannie was saying to Jake, “Honey, I think that ship sailed long ago!” I next said, “May I share?” and Jake responded, “Sharing is caring.” While he and I had previously exchanged a few text messages and he made it pretty clear that they “enjoy it all” I still needed to find my footing.
I was very turned on that Mia was dressed so sexily… and specifically for me.
Continue reading He Said: The Full Swap Revealed
Over the past two weeks, I had been texting back and forth with Jake and Mia (the couple I had met at the erotic party). They had initially invited me to join them at a swingers’ party, but I had another commitment on that date and we agreed that it would be better to connect as a threesome, rather than at a party, given my newness to the lifestyle.
We finally confirmed a date for the upcoming Friday. Friday morning, they advised me that they would get a hotel room in NJ (they live in NJ) and then text me the room number. I had always fantasized about participating in a threesome and was really looking forward to sharing the experience with them. I spent the afternoon leisurely getting ready – bubble bath, primping, beautifying – and trying not to get too nervous. Continue reading What to wear to a threesome
One thing I quickly learned as we began exploring an open marriage is that the terminology in this lifestyle can be complicated. (Here’s an accurate, but tongue in cheek summary of the lingo.) Open marriage seems simple enough and can even be found in the Merriam-Webster dictionary. I also began using the term polyamory until Jeannie pointed out an important nuance in that term. Those in a polyamorous relationship (often referred to as a Triad or a Quad, etc.) are committing long-term to all the members of that relationship. In many cases, they will all live together as well. So Jeannie was right in correcting me as we aren’t truly polyamorous. We have no desire to expand our current living arrangement.
It’s also interesting to note that language geeks hate the word polyamory because of it’s etymology:
There are also lots of somewhat interchangeable terms, each with its own nuance or baggage. One that I’ve come to use is Ethical Non-Monogamy, or ENM. In our case open marriage is more accurate since we are, in fact, married, and ENM is a broader term. So I guess I should stick with open marriage for the most part.
Continue reading Open Marriage, ENM, Compersion… Oh, My!
My first date with Kevin (who I had met at the erotic party) was relatively tame, but really nice. We met at a casual restaurant overlooking the Hudson River, with views of the sunset.
Over drinks and a light dinner, we had a lovely time getting to know one another and feeling each other out for what we were looking for. It seemed like he wanted to take things slow, build a connection and was just generally a sweet guy. I wondered if perhaps he might be too nice/too vanilla but was open to see what would happen with time. And, I really liked his flirty texts; he had sent me a photo of his pool and noted that bathing suits were not permitted at night. Continue reading Sweet Surrender
While I am not sure what I did “right” on my date with Jake and Mia, I clearly didn’t do anything “wrong” since they were eager to see me again. I knew that Viktor was happy for me to have had the threesome with them, but I also got the sense that he would be a little annoyed (and jealous) if I saw them again without him. Plus, I knew that he was tired of being a spectator in this “sport” and was ready to participate!
During our texts to set up our date, Jake wanted to know if this would be a Full or Soft swap. Viktor and I had agreed that if I was comfortable and willing to pursue intercourse, then he was on board and, we both felt that losing my “virginity” this second time to Jake was a good idea given my previous positive experience with him and Mia. Accordingly, I texted back: Full. I was sure that he would be pleased. Continue reading She Said: The Full Swap Revealed
When we first started talking about the concept of an open marriage, I wanted to create a formal contract. I originally got the idea from a woman I had met at a Jaiya event who had a lover, as did her husband. She told me about their agreement and promised to send me a copy of their contract. She never did, but I liked the idea of codifying everything upfront.
Yet, it was all so hazy and nebulous that I had trouble getting started. Frankly, I wasn’t sure what I wanted it to say. I did eventually do a quick search online and found this humorous version as well as some guidelines here, but aside from this simple search, I never got around to writing one myself. Continue reading Get it in writing… or not
I want to write a post titled: How do you want to be fucked? But, since this is a question that was posed by my dance teacher, I need to take a step back and talk about S Factor.
As I mentioned upfront, I have been a devoted S Factor student for over twelve years. I immediately fell in love with this interpretation of pole dancing from my very first Intro class. But, as much as I love this “jungle-gym for adults,” S Factor is so much more than pole tricks; it combines elements of yoga, pilates and sensual movement, along with pole, and, most importantly, encompasses an emotional journey that puts a woman in touch with her erotic self.* Continue reading The Power of the Pole
One day during an S Factor class, my teacher asked me, “What is your desire? How do you want to be fucked?” Tears welled in my eyes as an intense wave of sadness washed over me because I really didn’t know the answer. I felt angry with myself, but also with Viktor. How did we get here? How could I not know how I wanted to be fucked? And, if I didn’t know, how could I expect Viktor to know? And, if Viktor didn’t know, how could I expect to be fucked the way I wanted to be?
This question has haunted me for nearly a year. I have thought about it over the months, feeling into the space of where I was and where I am now. Through my S Factor journey, I have slowly made progress as I have stepped both into my vulnerability and into my power more explicitly than ever before. I am feeling these emotions more acutely as I shift my attention, change up my music choices, don a pair of black, patent, thigh-high stiletto boots and allow my body to move in new ways. I feel myself reaching out for the answer, which still hovers just outside my grasp. But… I am getting closer. Continue reading How do you want to be fucked?
As I shared previously, meeting Hank truly kicked off this whole Summer of Sexiness. It was as if I had been awakened from a long, sexless slumber and felt more alive, more turned on than ever before. I was so excited to receive his texts and really looked forward to our dates and sexual encounters.
And, early on, he expressed genuine interest in me, making me feel wanted and desired. He also alluded to possible future plans and treated me very well, meeting me at the subway, making sure I got home safely and otherwise ensuring that I felt cared for and cared about. Continue reading Chapter One Comes to a Close
You never know when emotions might hit you…hard. And, sometimes, the happiest of events can make you sad. Even still, I was quite surprised when I started to have a minor anxiety attack at our friends’ recent wedding. But, as it’s the first/only freak-out since this all began, I think I am doing really well managing the emotions that are being stirred up.
Anyway, it was an absolutely beautiful afternoon as the bride and groom were joined together as husband and wife, framed by the stunning landscape of the Adirondack Mountains. The light rain of earlier in the day had been banished and a cool breeze floated by. And, then, so did a butterfly, just as the bride’s brother, who was officiating the ceremony, talked about… butterflies. Continue reading A (Brief) Crisis of Conscience: Exploring the Sacred and the Profane