Diligently Seeking Someone

Several months ago, I declared that I wanted a Boyfriend (yes, with a capital “B”) and, as I say of Viktor and myself, we never do anything by halves. So, needless to say, it has been an intensive, whirlwind two months. And, of course, while I am in search of said “Boyfriend,” I am still enjoying time with my existing set of men.

Early on in August, I finally made it to one of the monthly Polycocktails events, which was great. Viktor (who had been once before) and I went together and we met lots of lovely people, including Frank and his girlfriend, Dee. A few weeks later, Viktor and I had dinner with Frank and Dee, which was a wonderful opportunity to get to know them better, especially as we had spent more time at the mixer with Frank than Dee. Then, more recently, I met up with Frank on his own and am feeling into what I do or don’t want from him. I’m not sure there is sufficient chemistry on my part, but I think he is a really cool guy.

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Entering the Lion’s Gate

In early August, I had my first date with Lawrence, which I had been very much looking forward to since our initial connection on the dating app. We found a mutually convenient date and arranged to meet in his neighborhood. But, it wasn’t until I arrived at the restaurant and saw him coming down the stoop of the apartment building next door that I realized just how close to home it was. But, as I had joked with him earlier, I was happy to come to the East Village and thanked him for not living in Queens or Brooklyn 😊.

We immediately hit it off and jumped right into deep conversation, sharing stories and otherwise showing ourselves to one another. He also revealed that his birthday was the next day, which meant that he was astrologically a Leo. I had remembered that it was 8-8, the Lion’s Gate and noted the significance of this important date to him.

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Safe, Sane, Consensual & Super Hot!

My first date with Gary went really well and we were both eager for me to explore BDSM in a more safe, sane and consensual manner than previously. Due to travel and other commitments, it was three weeks before we next met up, but in the interim there was a lot of texting back and forth. Some of it was simply planning logistics, but Gary also did a great job of giving me lots of information in the lead up to our date. Plus, his communication increased in frequency and intensity as the day got closer.

In fact, on the actual day of our date, the texts came more often and became more explicit, building excitement and anticipation. Starting at noon (we were meeting at 6pm), he began to count down the hours, sending a text on the hour, every hour, and connecting the number of hours to go with something sexual. With two hours to go, there was an extremely visceral response within my body to his text  “2….. words Yes Sir” at 5:00 PM. I was already looking forward to the date but now, I was even more turned on to see him!

We met up at my local wine bar for a lovely meal before heading to my apartment. At dinner and then afterward, we continued to tease out the details of what was to come. We agreed to a medley of activities that started with an “Intro to Impact Play 101.”

Continue reading Safe, Sane, Consensual & Super Hot!

What Turns You On?

Viktor knows me and knows my body, so being intimate with him is relatively easy and effortless. I don’t have to think about what he’s doing that turns me on; it just does. But, as I mentioned recently, being with a new sexual partner can be daunting. You want to please each other (if not, that’s just plain rude!) and a very reasonable question to ask is: What turns you on? I have, in fact, been asked this question by a partner as well as by my S Factor teacher (in different contexts, of course). Yet, in both cases, I had no real answer for them, at least not in the moment that the question was posed.

For the most part, I should know the answer, but I think some of my trepidation at answering this question is the expectation that it has to be something that absolutely, physically arouses me. I feel like I am supposed to be able to say do x, y and z and I will climax, guaranteed.

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Adventures in Anthropology Revisited

After seeing each other somewhat consistently for about four months, in mid-June, Jon called it quits citing a lack of disposable income. OK, whatever. Dude, I am not an expensive hobby; I am a person that you were so concerned about attachments with. Anyway, next…

Plus, as a consequence of my last experience with Dahlia and Dash, I am closing the door on that chapter. Then, Brady exited stage left after our debrief and Ryan has essentially fallen off the face of the earth (although we did finally see him over the holiday weekend, which was fun).

Also over the holiday weekend (yes, it was a very busy weekend), I connected with Lane and her partner, Nolan. In what has been the fastest turn-around from match to meet, Shana took me to lunch the next day and peppered me with questions about Viktor’s and my experiences over the past year. I introduced her to the blog and she has become a voracious reader of its posts. While the potential threesome never developed, the four of us have since gotten together for dinner and drinks and a new friendship seems to be blossoming.

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Sex Crimes and Misdemeanors

Living in a world where the laws of the land coexist with the laws of nature, we seek justice when we feel such laws have been violated, wanting to inflict punishment to fit the crime to rectify the wrongdoing. But, we frequently misinterpret Newton’s Third Law of Motion (“For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction”) and are often our own harshest judges.

Last summer, Viktor and I spent a near perfect day at the beach. The weather was glorious, the water was divine, and we had a delicious dinner on our way back to the city. The next day found us back at work, intermittently slathering on aloe on our sunburnt skin. In addition to memories of our lovely day trip, we had the red, raw splotches marking our various body parts to show for it. Alas, a minor negative consequence of a happy occasion and we looked forward to our next beach excursion.

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Third Date’s A Charm

On our last date, Matt and I took advantage of his children’s visit to grandma and grandpa’s and he hosted us at his home in Queens. Since his children are usually at home (obviously), I invited him to come to my apartment for our third date. Unfortunately, we were unable to capitalize on Viktor’s quick trip to Europe, but we arranged to meet up on a recent Monday night and Viktor agreed to go to the movies, thus giving us some time alone.

Matt arrived in a torrential downpour, which I chose to see as nostalgic of our first date (on which it had rained). I welcomed him in and gave him a tour of our home. In the lead up to our date, we had decided to conduct research on BDSM and compare notes. I wasn’t sure how seriously he would take the “assignment,” but I took it to heart, writing up a formal document complete with images and a bibliography. I plied Matt with wine and we sat down to a lively discussion on this topic, filling in gaps in each other’s research and generally enjoying the connections we were drawing between the past and present, as we learned more about the history of BDSM.

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One Size Does Not Fit All

I love to shop for clothing, but, as a petite woman, it can be a challenge to find things that fit. Even clothes that are supposed to be sized for petites often must be tailored in some way or another. The worst is with garments that are labeled, “One Size Fits All.” Really? How is that even possible? Have you looked at the diversity of body shapes and sizes? I have pejoratively renamed such sizing as “One Size Fits Nobody!”

On the flip side, a client of mine recently asked me to investigate his options for purchasing business attire. He was eager to have a well-made suit, expertly fitted to his exact specifications and has chosen to engage a bespoke tailor to create his new outfit. At his first appointment, every detail of the suit was customized to his person and preferences from collar width and fabric choice to thread color and button options and everything in between. In the end, he will have a suit that precisely meets his unique needs. Continue reading One Size Does Not Fit All

Book Report: The History of BDSM

As we seek to increase our understanding and knowledge of BDSM, Viktor shared an article with me, which I also sent along to Matt. He was pleased to learn more since he is very new to kink and BDSM. In response to reading the article, he posited the question:

Is [BDSM] a new thing? Did it exist in ancient times? Or is it only a byproduct of the Industrial Age giving rise to leisure time? Because it’s a world full of rules and shared terminology…who’s writing the rules?”

His query piqued my interest and I advised him of my desire to find out. He also expressed interest in pursuing the question and then sharing the information, so I suggested that we write “book reports” which would be due on our next date.

Here is my report:

While the term BDSM, which comprises the activities of Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism is a more modern acronym, historical evidence through archeology, art and architecture provides proof that BDSM did, in fact, exist in ancient – very ancient – times. In addition, cultural evidence in the guise of books, magazines, comics and movies (and now the Internet) offers up further guidance on how BDSM has evolved and changed as a consequence of human cultural evolution.
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Flux is a four-letter word and other lessons on letting go

I have a love/hate relationship with “to do” lists. On the one hand, I love the satisfaction of checking things off and getting things done. On the other hand, I hate the pressure of knowing that there are numerous tasks that have yet to get done. Plus, there is the frustration that you are never quite done; even once you’ve made an appointment to meet your friend for lunch there is still the chance that you’ll have to reschedule. But, generally, I like the feeling of accomplishment that comes with being productive and knowing that everything is in order or at least under my control.

And, while I haven’t put “Find a relationship or play partner” on my “to do” list, I still feel the compulsion to get this task done. I want to find myself in a place where I have a handful of steady play partners – and perhaps even a boyfriend (see: Attachment Theory) – and know that I can stop looking online or elsewhere to “fill” these “vacancies.”

Continue reading Flux is a four-letter word and other lessons on letting go