Lead up to the Full Swap

Prerequisite post: Swinging: The Full Swap Explained

At this point, Jeannie had explored outercourse with two new men. Over the course of less than a half dozen dates, she’d experienced most of what she wanted to try with these two men. She also met a couple at one of the two parties she attended and they were very much interested in a full swap. Meanwhile, all I’d done is make out with a young woman at a Brooklyn bar and a (super hot!) surfer dude on the beach in LA. I felt like I was a little behind, but as the opportunity for a full swap presented itself with a couple that Jeannie was comfortable with, I was definitely interested.

Of course, as experienced swingers, their idea of “meet me” was to “fuck me.”

Jeannie already spent a night with Jake and Mia… and not only did everyone enjoy themselves, but they enjoyed Jeannie’s stories enough that they wanted to meet me as well. Of course, as experienced swingers, their idea of “meet me” was to “fuck me.” And between what Jeannie shared of her experience with them, and a few simple photos, I was most definitely interested. I found Mia to be very attractive and while a photo of him didn’t turn me on, I’ve found that how a man looks doesn’t (usually) turn me on, but how he acts can get me very interested.

Continue reading Lead up to the Full Swap

Swinging: The Full Swap Explained

In swinger circles there is a lot of insider shorthand used to communicate effectively. While some of it seems a little silly, the intent is to assure that everyone has an effective way of communicating clearly. This is super important as individuals or couples may have certain behaviors or activities they really want to try, or others that are completely off the table. Upfront communication is critical.

Consent and communication are key. And NOTHING is permissible without consent.

Take, for example, the critical boundaries set by couples as they engage with each other. If two couples agree to swap, one of the first things they will agree upon is that the activity is a Soft Swap (outercourse only) or a Full Swap (intercourse permissible.) Further, participants need to clearly communicate any “hard limits” (activities they will not allow) and/or anything they may really want to experience. Consent and communication are key. And NOTHING is permissible without consent.

Continue reading Swinging: The Full Swap Explained

Let’s Talk About KINK!

Many will find the title of the post shocking. Many want to never, EVER, talk about KINK.

Society not wanting to acknowledge KINK is precisely why I am talking about KINK.

There’s soooooo much to talk about here, but the bottom line is this… Kink is normal. Kink is fine. Kink is FUN! OK, not everyone will find it fun; it won’t be right for everyone. But everyone should be comfortable addressing and acknowledging kink. It’s not some dirty thing that takes place in dark dungeons (well, not ONLY dark dungeons at least.) And it certainly isn’t Fifty Shades of Grey. In the D/s world (more on that in a moment) a scene or a lifestyle could be like Fifty Shades of Grey, and that’s cool. But it’s not the most common thing you’d experience.

In my first post I mentioned Jaiya’s Erotic Blueprint and I will, again, encourage you to take this quiz. My dominant erotic persona is Kink and when I discovered this, my first feeling was concern. Actually, no, perhaps it was shame. In any case, I wasn’t excited to learn that I was kinky (although deep down I suspected this and while taking the quiz it started to become obvious based on some of my honest answers.)

Continue reading Let’s Talk About KINK!

Who Am I (Sexually)?

Jeannie gave the introduction to our story here. And our intent for this blog is to provide as much of the same story from two perspectives: She Said and He Said. This isn’t to complicate the story or to contradict each other. Instead, this is to enhance the story — to get a real feel for how each of us experience this journey differently. And because, like it or not, women and men face very different challenges when it comes to sex and experimentation.

During the almost 20-years of marriage prior to when this story really begins, I was facing very different challenges, despite being in the very same relationship. I’ve always been a very sexual being, but I have consciously put love and caring ahead of sex ahead sexuality. Over the years of our marriage that I put being supportive of Jeannie over my sexual desire, I grew a bit cold and callous to sex in general. Because we weren’t having sex regularly, I found my desire to initiate waning.

Continue reading Who Am I (Sexually)?