Friday after Thanksgiving Jeannie had a date scheduled with Dan, so the night was mine. With no specific events in the kink community scheduled that I wanted to attend, I looked for a fun night of music and dance.
Last time I was at House of Yes it was for a House of Love part (see: He Said: Welcome to the House of Love) and that night didn’t really go as planned. This time, House of Yes was advertising its 3rd annual Unicornicopia party with the dress code:
Unicorns, mythical creatures of many horns, glitter, glitz and glam.
With a lineup of local DJs that I enjoy, this seemed like the perfect event. Now, technically, this was not a House of Love party, so it wasn’t exactly a redo from last time. However, House of Yes really does promote a “place of yes” where attendees can meet new people and try new things that may be somewhat outside their comfort zone. And as I learned from my first erotic party (see: Masquerade: What Lies Beneath?) setting intentions and desires effectively can make all the difference.
Continue reading Unicornicopia!(And Conjured Desires)
Dating apps suck!
Well, actually, what I learned is that people suck. And, guess what? People use dating apps. Let’s unpack this…
Dating apps don’t suck, people suck.
Before I go into my experience, let’s start with women looking for men. In an informal poll of single female friends using these apps, about a third of matches result in a dick pic within the first dozen messages and another third actually go somewhere — only to result in a dick pic before the first date. So, basically, two-thirds of matches go nowhere because there are no women out there that want to see your junk at this stage in the “relationship” (as there isn’t even a relationship yet.)
Guys – no one gets a date with a dick pic. NO ONE. Listen… NO ONE!
Continue reading Tinder, Bumble & Hinge… Oh, My!
This passage from Vigyan Bhairav Tantra really resonates with me:
While being caressed, Sweet Princess, enter the caress as everlasting life.
And as with many things tantra, anticipation is an underlying theme. Maybe this passage doesn’t blatantly speak to anticipation, but I think you’ll see my point in a moment.
Jeannie and I have dabbled in tantra research, and recently she’s reading a book with some specific techniques. A few weeks ago she taught me a very basic tantric breathing technique and it was pretty incredible. So the other night when she asked if I was interested in trying another technique, I was all for it. Continue reading Anticipation
NOTE: This post is entirely based on my personal experience. Jeannie has posted a follow up (She Said: Shame? Shame!) because there’s a whole other, deeper, level of shame that she, and likely many women, experience.
Shame is a huge topic and I won’t do it justice here. However, it’s been on my mind a lot lately and I’d like to address a few things. Most importantly, why is there still shame associated with so many things that should otherwise be positive? This question comes to me as I constantly consider who to let into “my inner circle” – basically, who among my friends and family get to see the real me and know all the truths about my life and lifestyle. Continue reading He Said: Shame? Shame!
This one is long, but worth it!
After Jeannie had previously attended two very enjoyable erotic parties, I still had yet to attend one. Finally in November, we were booked to attend together and I was very excited for this new chapter in our exploration. Being the Saturday after Halloween the theme was “masquerade” with the suggested attire as “fetish, fancy costumes, or masks” giving a very Eyes Wide Shut vibe to the event. Here’s part of the invitation to give you a taste – and to get you in the mood for the rest of this story…
Tonight we are entering a realm of mystery and seduction. A masked ball. So our ritual is about “What lies beneath”. Beneath the mask, beneath the costumes, beneath the facade we wear everyday. What do we want to take off? What do we want to reveal? And at the same time – what do we want to attract? A room of beautiful, interesting people, the music, flirtation, dancing, intrigue: what can we as a group whip up, what juicy sexy magic can we spin from thin air?
This type of invitation is just spectacular and it really sets the mood well before ever getting to the party. So much to unpack, in the best possible way! But, before we get to the party, let’s set the stage for Jeannie and Viktor.
Continue reading Masquerade: What Lies Beneath?
Shibari. While Shibari is quite possibly the wrong term (technically) to use in most kinkster vocabulary, it’s the most common term used in the west to capture the idea of “Japanese Bondage.” I’ll spare you the dissertation on word origin and usage… Let’s just agree, simply speaking, that Shibari is the “Japanese art of rope play.” To be clear, this may be all about aesthetics and art, or it could be something painful and intense; it may include sex, it may not. My point: ropes are complicated. And for Westerners, Shibari is a good catch all term for those that admire any aspect of rope play – especially if there’s an artistic note to it.
For kinksters, ropes are complicated
Nomenclature aside, both Jeannie and I have expressed interest in rope play. We’ve had a modest number of bondage scenes using black, nylon rope – a good selection for beginners as it is easy to work with, comfortable, and unlikely to cause injury. However, we both also expressed that the aesthetic nature of Shibari, and the idea of restraint and suspension, also carried great appeal for us. Shibari is a true art that requires instruction, practice, and commitment. Where simple bondage play can be done by almost anyone, Shibari “riggers” (those doing the tying) have to make a commitment to hone their skills. And while generally safe, the use of natural rope, and the act of suspension, carry inherent dangers that need to be understood and mitigated.
Continue reading Learning the Ropes
I mentioned in the earlier post, Let’s Talk About KINK! that part of the reason I’m talking about kink is because often folks are really uncomfortable with this topic. That doesn’t mean I’m trying to make you uncomfortable! On the contrary, I’d really like to see sex topics of all kind become more normalized in our society. I’m not recruiting – everyone should choose their own path. But the conversation and possible exploration alone are enough to freak people out. It shouldn’t be this way.
When Jeannie and I began our discussions, there were a lot of topics that were still pretty much untouchable and a lot of words that suddenly required a whispering voice as if the Kink Police might break down the door and carry us away. (Come to think of it, if they arrived in latex, I’d rather enjoy the handcuffs and a little rough handling. Maybe some corporal punishment would be in order as I’m cuffed to the bars in the jail…Wait… I digress!!!)
Couples shouldn’t have to clear their browser history after searching words like bondage or spanking, yet this is so often the case. In fact, the topic is so seemingly taboo that even when one begins to embrace it, there are so many incorrect assumptions from the start.
Imagine what your partner would think if you searched for something like <GASP!> bondage!
So I encourage you, dear reader, to get familiar with some kinky (and sexy) topics. To do this, I present you two articles, both pretty lighthearted, that will entertain and educate. Who knows? Maybe you’ll find something that tickles your fancy. Or tickles something else, even!
Your Pocket-Guide Glossary for the Swinger-Open-Poly Life
A Very Sexy Beginner’s Guide to BDSM Words
PS – I’ll be back with some specific kink-talk in future posts.
Now seems like a good time expand upon the topic of Pleasure Research. This was mentioned in my last post and is a key tenet on this exploration. The word research may seem a little stuffy in this context, but when the result is pleasure, it’s quite perfect. And Pleasure Research certainly has a stronger, sexier, connotation than just research!
When Jeannie and I embarked on this journey, we focused on the most important item for us: communication. Meanwhile, there was also this undercurrent of exploration; we both knew that certain experiences would turn us on, but we most definitely didn’t know everything about our kink or fantasies. Then our friend Gigi reminded us that Mama Gena treats this exploration as (pleasure) research and I think this makes perfect sense. On the one hand, to explore pleasure, one needs to let go and simply enjoy. On the other, evaluating fully the response to said pleasure is key.
Continue reading Pleasure Research (& Some Conclusions)
When Jeannie and I began this journey, a lot of our energy was focused on how she’d experience it. Jeannie had more concerns over how this could negatively impact our relationship, but she was also seeking something to help her reach her sexual potential that we both knew was in her and waiting to be tapped. Make no mistake, I’m seeking a lot from this journey as well, but at least going into it, I had fewer doubts, and wasn’t in search of anything specific other than increased fun and pleasure for us both. It was very important that Jeannie have both a positive experience and get the attention she deserve as this began. And so far, Jeannie has had the starring role.
Be careful what you wish for!
We’ve reached the point in this journey that there is no doubt Jeannie has had both a positive experience and gotten the attention she deserves. In fact, what I’ve now come to learn is that Jeannie has tapped into a power that I love to witness, and also now want to achieve for myself. While not foolproof by any means, Jeannie has the power to seduce. She has the power to attract. She has the power of feminine pleasure. This was on full display for me to witness as we attended the House of Love party last night. And this was the first time I was seeing this happen in real time.
Continue reading He Said: Welcome to the House of Love
Early in our exploration of an open marriage Jeannie got off to a faster start than I did. She went to an erotic party (Let’s Get this Party Started) where she met her first new lover, went on her first date with said lover (Act I, Scene I) and a second (House Guest with a Twist) all before I got in on the act. A week of business travel took me out of attending the second erotic party with her (Return to the Scene of the Sublime) but on that same day I finally got my end of this party started.
My business trip technically ended on Friday, but I stayed into the weekend to attend a beach rave in Huntington Beach. Before going to the concert, Jeannie and I talked on the phone about our remaining day and night apart. She already had her plans set to go to the erotic party. So I said, “I desire to meet someone at the concert and take them back to my hotel room.” Jeannie very much approved of this and we agreed that, no matter what happened that night, we wouldn’t share stories over the phone Sunday morning. Instead, since I’d be home around 9pm Sunday, we’d share in person.
Being new to all of this, perhaps I set my sights too high. Or not.
Continue reading I Kissed a Boy (and I Liked It)