In Jeannie’s recent post, The Big O, she talks about the (often elusive) female orgasm and how there are many (14!) different types of female orgasms. She also refrains from covering the male orgasm as she’s “not an authority here” and partly because the “mechanics for men are more easily understood.” I don’t disagree, and yet there is more to say on this topic, so here we go…
NOTE: you can read Jeannie’s take on this here: She Said: Love & Sex & Magick
Jeannie and I decided to celebrate Valentine’s Day a night late so we could book a hotel for Friday (rather than Thursday) and make a romantic overnight of it. We didn’t make other plans around the evening, just that we’d bring in a bunch of appetizing items to snack on, a couple of bottles of wine, and basically stay in the room from check-in to check-out. We set our mutual desire to be really intimate and connected, with the intention of that leading to lots of terrific sex.
It was all that and more! Including magick…
I planned one small surprise for Jeannie – which was my first magick spell. In anticipation of Valentine’s Day, The Alchemist’s Kitchen sent a newsletter that included a spell for The Lover and The Loved. I was really intrigued by the spell and had already been curious about witchcraft and magick, so I decided to give it a try. (Oh, and if you are of the belief that witchcraft cannot be conducted by men, read this article.)
(Another long post, another terrific story!)
Over the last 2-3 months it feels like we’ve been hibernating. Expansion and contraction are natural and this was clearly a needed period of contraction and reflection. But during that time, this didn’t seem obvious and I was wondering if the “magic” of our sexual explorations had worn off.
Not only has the magic returned, it is more powerful than ever.
Let me start with a short “catch up” to set the scene…
- After some fun events in late fall, Jeannie and I both seemed to shut down a bit – a result of a number of factors.
- There were some fantastic intimate encounters between us in this period. And while they were very powerful, they felt isolated and disconnected from our path.
- Winter, while overall mild so far, had a few really brutal spells which may have forced the hibernation feeling.
- Travel and a brutal cold (for Jeannie) were also disruptive.
- We didn’t have a lot of leads on outside partners, either – and no great parties to attend where we might meet some.
Yeah, I know how this sounds… research and communication hardly sound like hot and sexy words or activities. And kink should be hot and sexy, right? Yep, for sure! And I’ll show you that research and communication are not only the keys to kink, they are hot and sexy as well. (At least in this context and maybe not so much to a student in the library at all hours. Unless their kink is a sexy librarian!)
Starting with research, pick a kink and type it into your favorite search engine. (Put your browser in Incognito or Private mode if you are worries about this search being remembered.) I put in “Shibari” and all of the top links contain a combination of useful information, sexy imagery and/or hot and kinky videos. I challenge you to go online, or, GASP<!>, open a book to learn about a kink and NOT get turned on in the process. Even the most fundamental HOW TO guides have no choice but to venture into the erotic realm. Using my Shibari example, the fourth paragraph on the top search result reads as follows:
It feels so good to have come this far.
And, yet, there is much more to investigate, so much further to go.
The above quotes are from Jeannie’s post The Seasonality of Sex and they sum up our current “quiet” period quite well. Whether it be winter condition (cold, dark) or just the result of several months of expansion, we’re currently in a period of contraction. And in her post, Jeannie acknowledges and honors this period while also recommitting to the next expansion.
I’m in awe at her ability to continually look inward, and then look outward; and to sum it all up in her posts. I may be living this entire experience along with her, but each time I read her next post, I learn something, too. In no way is this because she’s hiding anything (unless she does this as a playful tease) and in more ways it speaks to the value of communication, and the need for different methods of communication. See, there’s nothing explicitly stated in that post that she hasn’t expressed to me, but when it is written and described for an audience other than me, it takes on a larger meaning and reality. I’m now forced (in a
good great way) to ponder her deeper meaning.
Nothing turns me on more than thinking about what Jeannie really wants, what lies beneath the obvious statements, and what can be drawn out if I can tap into her.
This blog was intended to help us document our exploration and to share it with others. It still is, and we are so happy to share. It has also served to give us an additional way to communicate with each other and one that is both deep and sexy. Each time I see a new post from Jeannie, I first think, “Yeah, whatever, I was there!” Then I read it and I say, “Wow! I didn’t even realize that _____ or that when I did _____ it sparked something so special!”
This entire exploration has served to heighten our intimacy and desire for one another. And then documenting it here, and reading it to ourselves, has served to heighten things even further. What a wonderful virtuous cycle! Now I can’t wait for Jeannie’s next post.
Friday after Thanksgiving Jeannie had a date scheduled with Dan, so the night was mine. With no specific events in the kink community scheduled that I wanted to attend, I looked for a fun night of music and dance.
Last time I was at House of Yes it was for a House of Love part (see: He Said: Welcome to the House of Love) and that night didn’t really go as planned. This time, House of Yes was advertising its 3rd annual Unicornicopia party with the dress code:
Unicorns, mythical creatures of many horns, glitter, glitz and glam.
With a lineup of local DJs that I enjoy, this seemed like the perfect event. Now, technically, this was not a House of Love party, so it wasn’t exactly a redo from last time. However, House of Yes really does promote a “place of yes” where attendees can meet new people and try new things that may be somewhat outside their comfort zone. And as I learned from my first erotic party (see: Masquerade: What Lies Beneath?) setting intentions and desires effectively can make all the difference.
Dating apps suck!
Well, actually, what I learned is that people suck. And, guess what? People use dating apps. Let’s unpack this…
Dating apps don’t suck, people suck.
Before I go into my experience, let’s start with women looking for men. In an informal poll of single female friends using these apps, about a third of matches result in a dick pic within the first dozen messages and another third actually go somewhere — only to result in a dick pic before the first date. So, basically, two-thirds of matches go nowhere because there are no women out there that want to see your junk at this stage in the “relationship” (as there isn’t even a relationship yet.)
Guys – no one gets a date with a dick pic. NO ONE. Listen… NO ONE!
This passage from Vigyan Bhairav Tantra really resonates with me:
While being caressed, Sweet Princess, enter the caress as everlasting life.
And as with many things tantra, anticipation is an underlying theme. Maybe this passage doesn’t blatantly speak to anticipation, but I think you’ll see my point in a moment.
Jeannie and I have dabbled in tantra research, and recently she’s reading a book with some specific techniques. A few weeks ago she taught me a very basic tantric breathing technique and it was pretty incredible. So the other night when she asked if I was interested in trying another technique, I was all for it. Continue reading Anticipation
NOTE: This post is entirely based on my personal experience. Jeannie has posted a follow up (She Said: Shame? Shame!) because there’s a whole other, deeper, level of shame that she, and likely many women, experience.
Shame is a huge topic and I won’t do it justice here. However, it’s been on my mind a lot lately and I’d like to address a few things. Most importantly, why is there still shame associated with so many things that should otherwise be positive? This question comes to me as I constantly consider who to let into “my inner circle” – basically, who among my friends and family get to see the real me and know all the truths about my life and lifestyle. Continue reading He Said: Shame? Shame!
This one is long, but worth it!
After Jeannie had previously attended two very enjoyable erotic parties, I still had yet to attend one. Finally in November, we were booked to attend together and I was very excited for this new chapter in our exploration. Being the Saturday after Halloween the theme was “masquerade” with the suggested attire as “fetish, fancy costumes, or masks” giving a very Eyes Wide Shut vibe to the event. Here’s part of the invitation to give you a taste – and to get you in the mood for the rest of this story…
Tonight we are entering a realm of mystery and seduction. A masked ball. So our ritual is about “What lies beneath”. Beneath the mask, beneath the costumes, beneath the facade we wear everyday. What do we want to take off? What do we want to reveal? And at the same time – what do we want to attract? A room of beautiful, interesting people, the music, flirtation, dancing, intrigue: what can we as a group whip up, what juicy sexy magic can we spin from thin air?
This type of invitation is just spectacular and it really sets the mood well before ever getting to the party. So much to unpack, in the best possible way! But, before we get to the party, let’s set the stage for Jeannie and Viktor.