When It Rains, It Pours…

…but it can’t put out My Fire!

Prerequisite Reading: I’m on Fire!

Meeting and truly connecting with Justina last week has been indescribably awesome. While she tops the list of wonderful things for me in the last week, there are at least three other things that would have taken the top spot last week, if not for Justina. This is just one of them…

Continue reading When It Rains, It Pours…

Impostor Syndrome

I haven’t written to the blog in a couple of months and this tracks with an introspective period I’ve been going through. I’ve been having a lot of Impostor Syndrome feelings – as if I’m not being honest or genuine with myself or those around me. And while part of the way Jeannie and I explore polyamory and our sexuality includes having different personas to act out, I actually feel like I’m the most honest an genuine person I’ve ever been. Continue reading Impostor Syndrome

Podcast: Keeping It Together

We were honored to be featured on the Keeping It Together Podcast for their anniversary show! Alyssa and Sabrina were a joy to work with for this episode. If you are a regular reader and want to give it a listen, find it here.

If you have reached us for the first time from the podcast: WELCOME! Here are a few links to get you started:

For the new readers – we hope you stick around and also welcome you to ask us questions or share your stories, too!

Must be Good at Public Speaking

I listen to a variety of podcasts on my daily commute and they range from the very “vanilla” This American Life, to the very sexy Torrid Souls as well as the sex based but somewhat more clinical (and humorous) Savage Lovecast. And while listening to the latter recently, Dan said something that really resonated with me.

A caller basically said that he and his wife began swinging (swapping) and were really enjoying it. In fact, they found one couple that they’ve been “regulars” with and they all really enjoy their sexy swaps together. Then the caller said:

The only problem is that I don’t enjoy the way she gives blowjobs and, in fact, for me her method is painful. I can tell that her husband thoroughly enjoys this, but I do not. Yet how do I tell her that she’s doing it wrong with her husband right there next to us? Aren’t I calling her out? Isn’t this a bad move on my part?

If we were alone I’d have no problem giving some guidance, but in the company of others… what’s the etiquette here?

Dan opened with, “Why would you avoid telling her what you want in front of her husband if you would tell her in private?” He went on to say that this is a hang up for a lot of participants in group sex, but one he doesn’t understand. He gave this specific advice on the feedback:

Just tell her that she clearly has a talent that her husband enjoys, but you need her to be more gentle. All penises are not alike and yours appreciates a soft touch while his likes it rough.

Dan went on to say that group sex participants, “must be good at public speaking.” This was somewhat tongue-in-cheek, but his point is that you shouldn’t fear speaking up. You are joining in this group to have fun and to give/receive pleasure – shouldn’t everyone communicate to reach the most pleasurable experiences possible?

Of course, he’s absolutely right. And I’ll take this to heart (and hope Jeannie will, too.) When we were first with Jake and Mia, I took great pleasure in how often Jake “checked in” with Jeannie. He was giving her quite a fucking, and while I was enjoying watching, listening, and touching as he did, neither of us (Jake nor I) could know for sure that Jeannie’s screams were pleasure and not pain. Nor could we tell if she was getting tired or sore or had just had enough for the moment.

Jake’s experience gave him the understanding to know that  Jeannie might be shy to speak up, so he asked at regular intervals – and often did, in fact, get Jeannie to say, “yeah, I need a break!” Now Jeannie speaks up more on her own, but this idea of “public speaking” is a great one to keep in mind. I know that I’ve been shy about this, too. So I’ll start being more vocal with my desires.

Not to mention, sex talk can be hot, as well as instructional!

Getting What You Deserve

As Jeannie and I approach our 1-year “poly-versary” we’ve been reflecting on this journey a lot lately. We’re also in a period of reflection as we’re noting pivot points in the relationships we’ve created; and we must lead them where we want them to go. To that end, some of those relationships may end.

One thing I’ve been reflecting on is Jeannie’s growth as an empowered and passionate woman with regard to dating. How she has managed herself, and her partners, is something I have been acutely aware of all along. And it has taken a few bumps, and a lot of patience on my part, to let Jeannie grow into what she is today.

Continue reading Getting What You Deserve

Compersion and Cupcakes

Jeannie wrote a deep and beautiful post recently that covered a lot of ground and was quite revealing. It moved me instantly, but I haven’t had a chance to follow up. And, honestly, I was also processing it and some of our poly-encounters since. Nothing troubling occurred, yet I was looking at some of these encounters through a new lens. And I needed some time to fully absorb all of it.

From that post, there are two points in particular that struck me:

  • Getting caught up in the excitement
  • Compersion and cupcakes

These are actually more related that I initially thought.

Continue reading Compersion and Cupcakes

Head Games

Sometimes my ability to truly be “in the moment” and appreciative can be waning. Other times I’ll allow my mind to wander into dangerous territory based on one small moment. In these moments I’ll start playing head games with myself. And I’m so “good” at it that I’ll even know what I’m doing without the ability to stop it. I might even start hearing Head Games by Foreigner, yet I still can’t stop it!

Head games are a great way to let the jealousy monster take over and, admittedly, I’m much better at avoiding this today than I was in my youth. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have those moments anymore. And, today, they can be more destructive than ever.

Continue reading Head Games