As they say, hindsight is 20/20. In this regard, this past fall was a pivotal point in my life, but, at the time, I was unaware of precisely what was going on. In fact, it wasn’t until this past weekend, when I had a profound sexual experience, that I truly came to understand what has been happening for me in my body.
In late September, two important things occurred. First, Viktor told me he was in love with Justina, unintentionally inflicting pain. And, two days later, we had an amazing sex date, unexpectedly bringing me incredible pleasure as I experienced a series of intense, energetic orgasms. Then, in the weeks and months that followed, I proceeded to experience a self-proclaimed roller coaster of emotions (most of which have been discussed on this blog), finding occasional highs and moments of calm, but more frequently feeling depressed and even, at times, suicidal. I was making Viktor crazy and I wasn’t particularly pleased with how I was feeling and acting either. Unfortunately, when these things initially happened, I didn’t realize that they were connected…until now.
This past weekend, we had yet another sex date that mirrored the one from late September, but was even more intense than that encounter. More specifically, Viktor and I took edibles and then had really great partnered sex, including anal sex. Viktor had not yet climaxed, but I needed a break, so he began to self-pleasure as I lay on the bed next to him. As he got closer to his orgasm, I felt the onset of an energetic orgasm and, as I climaxed, simultaneously my hips lifted upward and ejaculate squirted out. Viktor soon followed with his own climax. It was a blissful way to end our evening. Or so I thought.
Afterwards, Viktor went to sleep and I stayed up reading. A full hour later, I was still reading (and Viktor was still sleeping) when I felt an intense warming sensation in my pussy that spread and increased in intensity and pleasure. As the sensation continued to grow, it eventually brought my body to contract involuntarily, physically lifting my pelvis upwards until I climaxed again. It was a wonderful, yet surprising, experience, but a nice way to head to bed myself. Or so I thought.
As I lay in bed trying to fall asleep, the warming sensation started again, following the same trajectory with contractions and climax. This proceeded to happen numerous times over the course of two to three hours before I eventually fell asleep. It was both pleasurable and exhausting. WTF?
The next morning, I still felt tingling throughout my body and almost as though I was still high from the edible, feelings which persisted the entire day. In need of guidance and understanding, I reached out to a friend who is a trained Tantrika and educator to try and make some sense of what had happened. She immediately wrote back saying, “That sounds like an energy orgasm and kundalini activation. When your body involuntarily moved in that electric wave that is your kundalini!!! Happy to chat more about it! So exciting!!”
As we later spoke at length, she explained that kundalini energy sits at the root of the spine and lays coiled sleeping until it is activated (given its location, she noted that our anal sex could have been part of the trigger). When the kundalini energy wakes up, it starts to shoot fire through your central nervous system and physically moves you, which is precisely what I had felt.
She further advised that the kundalini awakening I was experiencing had likely started a few months ago, with heat building up in my body over time. She also noted that this type of spiritual awakening can bring on psychosis (thankfully, this has not been the case for me), depression, will flush up whatever in you needs healing and will activate your higher consciousness, resulting in more psychic abilities and in feeling more pleasure and eroticism.
In hearing this, I reminded her that I had experienced significant darkness all fall and into the winter and she agreed that the first instance of the energetic orgasms and resulting emotional depression were very likely related to this awakening in my body. As this awakening was initiated, my abandonment issues were suddenly flushed out, primarily manifesting as my jealousy over Justina and forcing me to deal with this past trauma until it was healed.
The actual period of such an awakening varies from person to person, so I don’t know how much longer mine will continue. Thankfully, my friend assured me that these unbidden orgasmic experiences will become less intense and more manageable with time. And, as I move through this important lifecycle, it ultimately cleanses, purifies and awakens. Powerful, indeed!