This post will NOT be entirely about kink, but will include kink. This post WILL, however, likely resonate with all kinksters as there are common threads in how we all behave.
For several days now I’ve been trying to write a post called “Love and Lust in Isolation” to recap all my (virtual) sexy connections since “stay at home” began. I keep stalling on that post and I’m not sure why. But when a kinkster friend asked me to recap my group activities, I had little trouble emailing them a small novella! So I guess I’ll start with this more general post and go back to my one-on-one stories later. In the meantime, know that there are two new partners that will come to a blog post near you very soon: Rita and Anne – both virtual. Well, they are real people, but the play has been virtual!
Now, for my sex positive friends out there, here’s my “recommended reading list for isolation” – but replace reading with activity and we’re all set!
I’m going to start less kinky and work up to those; but kinkster or not, we all need to be “safe and sane” right now, so there are basic human needs that must be met first. I’ll skip the food, shelter, and protection (from the virus) items because you are getting those elsewhere.
First and foremost, make no mistake that this is a dark time and everyone is experiencing a wide range of emotions. Be sure to embrace even the darkest, saddest, emotions because ignoring them is folly. We’re living through a Century Event – one that will reshape the world and be in the history books for all future generations. For sure it is gonna suck as people and culture are harmed and will literally die. There are no words, no “balance,” for that loss. The world is going to look different on the other side. But for society to grow, we must tap into the joy and beauty we can create in such times.
“There is a saying in Tibetan, ‘Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.’ No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that’s our real disaster.” — Dalai Lama XIV
I’m participating in lots of community events that help me remain connected to groups that matter to me. I’m heavily involved in a trance music fan group where most of us are considered family to one another. In many cases we find our adopted family to be more important to us than our given family. These bonds are strong. That community has been hosting regular “Family Check Ins” over Zoom – these are open forums for us simply to connect and feel together when we are not. Some ask for help getting through this, some offer help. We all just like to share.
Many sex positive groups are also hosting Mental Health Check Ins. Some are community driven open forums. Others are moderated and include professional guidance. One such event is hosted by House of Scorpio and includes four professionals to lead breakout discussions on dealing with specific issues coming up during isolation.
For the music group I mentioned above I’m now hosting a Sunday DJ Brunch where we feature four local DJs each week over livestream. It’s a chance to listen to fantastic new music, give exposure to our local performers, and to chat with our chosen family throughout. The chat is as important as the music!
There are also myriad of DJ livestreams. Not kinky, but there seems to be an overlap between kink and music and dance, so if you are reading this, you might enjoy those. To support the local community, there are dance parties hosted by House of Yes, The Get Down, and Ecstatic Dance, among others. House of Yes in particular is also doing a lot to support local entertainers including a recurring “batch cooking” event so out of work performers can stick their fridge for free.
There are so many playful, yet meaningful, community events in the sex positive community. Space Invader Social is one such group and a key event of theirs is called Fresh Meet. Before the lockdown, Fresh Meet was basically a meet up and mixer. Now it’s done as virtual speed dating and it is a wild ride! We have met the most fun, interesting, accepting humans in these 7-minute video chats, and have since connected directly to a few of them. One of the best parts is that your video self-view disappears once you are matched for the 7-minute meet up. This both removes the constant self-consciousness of how we look, but also makes the conversation feel more intimate; more like real life.
Another group like this is Curious Fox and they, too, are hosting creative, virtual events. We first attended their Virtual Pajama Party and it was a blast. Over Zoom, we played Truth or Dare as an ice breaker for all in the event. Then we selected a breakout room for different games. We chose Sexplorations where a list of sex and kink activities were posted (like Anal Play, Bondage, Wax Candles, Orgies, etc) and we each picked one and then gave our Knowledge, Experience, and Desire about that activity. The pajama party ended with a bedtime story – a luscious and delicious reading of an erotic story. By the end I wasn’t sure if I was lulled into a deep slumber or aroused and in need of a self-pleasure session. Both were equally welcomed!
We’ve been able to attend a few virtual play parties that were both awkward and super fun. The ones we’ve done are members only and not taking new members at this time, so I’m not sharing links, but I will describe one of them that took place on Zoom. First, there was a lineup of scheduled performers from the erotic (pole dancing, burlesque) to the explicit (squirting, anal gaping). Tips were encouraged as a way to help keep sex workers and performers afloat in this difficult time. Then we played “Steal the Spotlight” where everyone did something sexy and the host would “Spotlight” her favorite. On Zoom, this means that the one being spotlighted became full screen for everyone else. Exhibitionism, anyone?!?
An then there is also the one-on-one virtual sex date. Jeannie did one with Alex recently and it was really hot! I was in the next room with loud music playing and I could still hear Jeannie’s delicious cries of passion!!! I did one with Anne as well and I’ll write about that, soon. Justina and I have discussed this as well, and while we want to do it, we both agree that, for us, it just might become another sexy-times event that goes hysterically off the rails. Thinking about it, though, that might be fun, too!
Lastly, there’s so much in kink that requires research, experimentation, and practice. Take my favorite kink, Shibari. Now is the perfect time to focus on my skills. Take some time with kinky books, videos, virtual lessons, etc. Learn a new skill or improve a current one. I have NOT done enough of this, yet, but expect I will as I round out my regular daily schedule.
No matter what your kink or desire, now is actually a great time to refocus and redouble efforts into those desires. Enjoying what we have in a virtual world has been an escape from our depressing real world. But it is also providing the perfect explorations for new kinks as well. As the saying goes lately, “We’re all cam girls now!”