Justina has come up on the blog numerous times. I joke that she’s “The Other Woman” and for want of a better term, I’ve referred to her as my girlfriend; and while this makes sense, like most things in polyamory, it’s more complicated than that. Even on FetLife, where there are dozens of relationship options, none of them seem quite right as a label. Ignoring labels is fine, but sometimes in conversation, we just want a simple way to refer to things. While calling Justina my girlfriend doesn’t seem perfect, it easily conveys a simple summary of our relationship to others.
What’s been fun (and challenging) has been figuring out how Jeannie and I want to integrate steady partners into our life and lifestyle. Last night was an exquisite example of when it’s gone right. Jeannie and I had decided to go to a particular BDSM party. When Justina and I were comparing calendars, we ended up on a tangent talking about these events and why we do or don’t like them. By the time we’d talked the topic to death, Justina was very interested in this event. I cleared this with Jeannie and we made plans to all go together.
“If you are there with your girlfriend, what’s my role?”
We had planned this event about a month in advance, and when the week approached, Jeannie was getting a little nervous. “If you are there with your girlfriend, what’s my role?” I was sort of thrown by this question because I didn’t know there was a hierarchy, and, if there was, I assumed wife was above girlfriend. But, alas, that’s logic speaking and relationships aren’t about logic. Or labels. Or simplicity.
This sparked a deep and very helpful conversation about hierarchy and expectations. Jeannie wasn’t saying that she felt below my girlfriend on some scale, but that there was an expectation of attention I’d give Justina first since I see her less. But this simply isn’t how I see things, nor is it what Justina expects. I made it clear to Jeannie that my primary attention is on her, and assuring that she gets what she needs from the night above all else. We discussed how she might seek out other partners that night which would free me from my obligation, but that I shouldn’t go in expecting that. This was all totally fine with me.
“Well, I’m primarily a voyeur, so that totally works for me.”
I decided to be playful with this, so when I discussed it with Justina, I framed it a little differently. I said, “as my sub, I expect that you’ll enjoy watching Jeannie and I play first and wait your turn.” Justina’s response? “Well, I’m primarily a voyeur, so that totally works for me.” There were a few nuances that we discussed as well, but overall, everyone was on board. And now the idea of this party was getting really exciting!
While these things can never go precisely according to any plan, we eventually all got what we wanted. The funny part, though, is that Jeannie ended up with another partner before I even had a chance to tie her! When we first got there, the three of us sat on a bed together sipping some wine and cuddling and fondling each other. The energy of the party got going more slowly than we expected, so we just enjoyed the cuddle time for awhile. This was actually really helpful as we all (especially Jeannie) got comfortable in our individual personas and our interactions with each other.
Jeannie eventually got involved in a group conversation and I could tell she was enjoying it, so Justina and I proceeded into a scene. I first tied a chest harness on her as a bit of a transition scene. Then I blindfolded her and tied her to a St. Andrew’s Cross and prepared her for impact play. I then proceeded to beat her ass and thighs with a flogger, a metal-studded paddle, and a paint stick. Wait, a paint stick?!? Yup! Some of the best toys are the ones you already own – and she really enjoyed the pure stingy-ness of the stick. You’d be surprised what you can do with a paint stick!
I could hear Jeannie talking nearby throughout the scene, so I knew she was OK even though I couldn’t see her. Then at some point I hadn’t heard her for awhile, so I turned to locate her and saw her alone, watching Justina and me, with a beautiful smile on her face. I smiled back and then refocused on Justina. While I was loving the “deep techno” music, we were close to a speaker and this made it hard for me to hear Justina. Partly I wanted to hear her in case there was a need to stop or change what I was doing. But I was also missing out on the intoxicating sounds escaping her lips!
We had a very hot scene and I was pleasantly surprised at the visual results of my work. After untying her from the cross we cuddled on a bed and eventually watched another impact scene nearby. Then we saw Jeannie mounting a spanking bench and I asked Justina if she wanted to relocate to watch Jeannie’s scene. She was still coming back to life from her scene and practically whispered, “yes, please!”
After moving to a comfortable position to watch Jeannie’s scene, we cuddled and fondled and just took in the beautiful sights and sounds of her scene. Jeannie’s top was doing a truly terrific job with the scene, especially since Jeannie’s desires regarding impact are very particular. Her top was clearly skilled and experienced making for a terrific time for Jeannie, and almost as much so for us voyeurs.
May I kiss you?
After Jeannie’s scene, the three of us cuddled and chatted on a bed for awhile. At some point, Jeannie said to me, “I want to kiss Justina.” I responded, “Then ask her!” But Jeannie wouldn’t ask. So I whispered in Justina’s ear, “Jeannie wants to kiss you.” Showing the rare moment of dominance, Justina looked at Jeannie and said, “I would like you to kiss me. But you have to ask!” Finally, Jeannie asked and they kissed. Honestly, the kiss itself wasn’t nearly as exciting as the dialogue leading up to it, just proving how psychological all of this can be for me. And the closer, more intimate connection between them for the rest of the evening was truly the most beautiful part.
I certainly have desires and fantasies that include my wife and my girlfriend and I all having sex together. But what I really desire is for all three of us to have a strong and intimate connection with each other. A bond that makes each pairing stronger and the three of us something natural and wonderful.
Time will tell, but we seem to be on the right path!