I’ve had a lot of rewarding experiences lately; to recap just a few weeks:
And most recently, I took Avalon, another first timer, to a BDSM party and had an absolutely amazing experience. I tied her, teased her with some tactile toys, and flogged her. She reached a decent sub space and we spoke several times over the next few days as she rode a euphoria that she’d never felt before. Now four days out, she’s back to “normal life” with a new grounding in herself that is helping her cope with some depression. It’s such a beautiful thing!
While most of these experiences have been non-sexual, Jeannie and I are having the best sex of our lives together!
I want to ground this entire post in the intimacy that Jeannie and I share these days. In addition to the incredible sex we’re having, we’re also more intimate in general. We often sit on the couch together, cuddled with some wine, petting each other while talking about our various experiences. We never fail to be drawn closer when sharing our stories.
I need you to know… You are my everything!
Last night we we having such a discussion and I told Jeannie how important it is that she is my EVERYTHING. We often ponder what polyamory means for us in the long term. Our journey has awakened us both and we’re enjoying the different experiences for sure. Yet what we need the most is right in front of us everyday — each other. To date, polyamory has brought us closer, made us stronger, and awakened sexual understanding that would have likely remained in the shadows without these experiences. We’ll be forever thankful for this.
Will we continue this lifestyle? Will we continue at this pace? For me, it’s a question of balance.
There are a few things I’ve struggled with lately:
- Infatuation / New Relationship Energy
- Sex partners (other than Jeannie)
- Time & Effort
That first one I covered pretty adequately in the linked post. Things with Justina are pretty grounded right now, and she’s super busy, so I’ve been forced to cope with some distance, and it actually feels pretty good. But I may find myself dealing with this again at some point if there’s another strong connection to be found.
So this one is interesting. Since we’ve opened our marriage, the only other partners I’ve had penetrative sex with have been Mia and Justina. And I’ve only been with Mia twice and Justina once. While this isn’t about keeping count, I’m envious of the ease at which Jeannie has found sex partners; especially when compared with the difficulty I’ve had.
Ultimately, I prefer more intimate partners and I’m not aiming for sex, but I would like to have a few casual sex partners along the way as well. Partially I want this to see if I can even enjoy such a thing, and partially I do want to have more sex! I’m curious if I’m missing out here, or if this is just the way it is meant to be for me. I’m not sure I care what the actually answer is, but I do care to figure it out. At the moment I just feel a bit uncertain on this front.
Time & Effort
This is where things get more interesting. I can be an obsessive personality, and my poly pursuits are often becoming obsessive. Not in a “stalking possible partners” sort of way, but where I’m spending an obsessive amount of time and effort trying to find partners and plan events with these partners. Right now I’ve got plenty of free time, so this isn’t interfering with anything else in my life. But as January comes around, there are a lot of changes in my schedule in store, and I need to find balance.
I truly don’t know what the right balance looks like, and I want to take advantage of the time I have right now to potentially meet more partners that I can freely juggle when I have less time. So there are several public meetups and parties on the docket for December with this in mind.
I’m also trying to take advantage of my newly discovered “sexy superpower” as Kink Whisperer. I’m finding it very comfortable to talk to friends about kink and then begin to introduce some of them to the scene. I’ve successfully done this three times now and I’m finding it very rewarding regardless of how these relationships play out over time. In all of these cases, the partners continue to be friends and may or may not be more intimate over time. Either way, I love introducing people to new experiences, so this has been rewarding and fun for me.
So as in the title of this post, this is all A Question of Balance and we’ll see if I can find the right mix to keep me sated and excited!