For our (23rd!!!) anniversary, we had originally planned to visit Turkey. But life got in the way and we needed to cancel those plans, so Jeannie decided that we should take the weekend to party in South Beach. Despite having lived in the Fort Lauderdale area for several years, I really never spent time in South Beach and Jeannie had been there for several Mama Gena weekends, so she knew her way around pretty well. We both agreed that South Beach has terrific sexy energy, and sexy people, so this would be the perfect backdrop to our celebration weekend.
Leading up to our anniversary, sooooooo much had happened that both Jeannie and I found ourselves with heads spinning and a little disconnected. Just a sampling of recent changes:
- I started dating Justina
- Jeannie met a new and potentially different kind of partner
- My energy with Justina was becoming something more
- Jeannie continued her search for a boyfriend (rather than just another play partner)
- Justina, in fact, became something more (and Jeannie was dealing with this)
For the first time since we’d opened our marriage more than a year ago, I was the one with something Jeannie was looking for instead of the other way around. And I had gone from 0-60 in an instant where Jeannie had slowly built up to her boyfriend desire. (I’d only had a handful of play partners, and now I had a girlfriend.)
While Jeannie was definitely happy for me, she was coping with very new emotions and on a bit of a roller coaster. She was feeling fragile as I was soaking up my New Relationship Energy (NRE), even after a fabulous birthday celebration. Also coinciding with our anniversary weekend was a European event lots of my friends were attending, so I was going to have serious FOMO when looking at social media.
This weekend, and the Miami trip, couldn’t have come at a better time.
Jeannie and I agreed that the weekend was going to focus on each other; we were going to be very present, very in the moment, and we’d significantly limit our contact with other partners for the weekend. While I’m the one that opened that dialogue, I knew this would be difficult for me in that Justina and I were texting so frequently. Yet I knew this was a good idea for everyone involved. And while it was definitely difficult, it had precisely the desired outcome.
We landed in Miami on Friday evening with enough time for dinner and a nightcap. Over dinner, conversation immediately turned to our current partners other than each other. Jeannie was really feeling the sting that the partner she hoped would materialize as a boyfriend had been radio silent for longer than he should have; and this at the same time as she was coping with my falling in love with Justina.
There was laughter and there were tears.
The conversation was raw, honest, and vulnerable. There was lots of laughter and smiles, but there were tears as well. Logically, we were both thrilled with our status (other than Jeannie’s non-boyfriend) but emotionally we wondered if things took a turn that we hadn’t prepared for yet. We also recognized that polyamory is often about the unknown or unexpected, so this was natural.
After dinner Jeannie suggested a visit to the Delano. We got a drink and enjoyed the DJ in the lobby for a bit as the crowd picked up and the lobby took on more of a party feel. We ended up dancing in the lobby with a few sexy strangers, mostly while many other sexy strangers sat on their @$$ drinking their bottle service. Jeannie spotted one exceptionally sexy person and really wanted to approach him, but ultimately did not. (A shyness that would not last through the weekend!)
We returned to the hotel in a very festive and sexy mood, and took advantage of the this to connect with each other physically. We took the opportunity to fulfill a silly fantasy of mine by having sex in the hotel room window, knowing that anyone who looked up to our room could see us. Despite our room being lit and the night being dark, though, we were on the top (11th) floor, so even if anyone watched us, we were pretty anonymous. Ultimately, we felt a very deep (re?)connection and slept wonderfully that night.
If you met someone better than me, would you tell me?
Saturday we spent the entire day at the beach and there was a lot of, again, raw and honest conversation. There was still so much for us to discuss and process. We had both read an article about compersion recently when one of the people interviewed said that if her partner met someone better, she’d let him go, because she wants the best for him. This became a theme in our conversation for the day, with Jeannie asking me if I’d tell her if I met someone better.
This question hit me hard, really hard. I answered honestly that I couldn’t see that being the case. My basis is simple:
- When I met Jeannie 33 years ago, I knew there was something special about her, something mysterious that was waiting to be unlocked.
- We’d been through so much together in our 23 years of marriage, how could that connection be replaced?
- I was right about that early mystery and now Jeannie has blossomed into the Goddess that was always inside her, waiting to come out.
- All of this means that we have a trust and intimate connection that can’t be easily (or at all?) replaced.
I don’t feel like this is lip service, or me being protective. I strongly believe this. And I already know I can love, and be in love, with multiple people. Jeannie knows it, too. But we needed to process this more fully. By Saturday afternoon our conversations were shifting to more logistical discussions of how to handle all this energy rather than things like “what is happening now?!?”
The beach got exceptionally windy, so we went back to the hotel room for more sex and a nap before a night out dancing. While the rest of that evening was pretty tame, we felt a connection at the nightclub that hadn’t been fully present lately. After the club we made lots of jokes about sexy people we saw there and how we should have made a move on them. It was fun, but in the end, I was 100% satisfied that Jeannie and I were returning to the hotel alone that night/morning.
Sunday was our actual anniversary and we had quite the day planned. After a leisurely (and late) breakfast, we sat in the sun by the pool for a few hours before cleaning up for the famous Drag Brunch at Palace. We knew the brunch would be rowdy and we agreed to throw caution to the wind with the bottomless Mimosas. For the next two hours, we drank like college kids, hooting and hollering at the fantastic drag performances, and got to know our neighbors who were all beautiful and friendly.
Jeannie would later note that we spread so much love to those around us, and it’s true. She flirted across the room with a (self-identified) lesbian, told the woman behind her how beautiful she was, and made her way over to a very sexy gay man to tell him how hot he was. He was there with his partner and another gay couple, all of whom are performers on a cruise ship, and I connected with the other couple while Jeannie
talked to flirted with “her guy.” We left the brunch very sexually charged. Oh, and very, very drunk.
“Guys driving those cars have teeny dicks.”
Throughout brunch we saw a number of Lamborghini’s and Jeannie noted that those drivers had small dicks. Not a new observation, but sort of funny coming from Jeannie. She also commented how she hates those cars, until on the walk home we saw an orange Lamborghini parked nearby and she wanted a photo with it. Turned out the color matched her dress, too. Not sure if this was coincidence or not.
walked stumbled back to the hotel and undressed to take a nap. Looking back, I don’t know how she did it, but Jeannie managed to be amorous and we had some pretty wild sex before she finally passed out. The details are unimportant right now, but this sex was powerful and liberating… and even though I had to remind her of the details afterwards, it felt like a turning point. It felt like the physical highlight of our “re-connection.”
We napped and managed to get up and dressed for anniversary dinner at Stubborn Seed which was a spectacularly good last minute find. Jeannie continued spreading the love when overhearing the conversation of a couple nearby who were on their way to their wedding in Aruba. She congratulated them and we all shared loving stories for a bit before we left for the hotel.
Monday morning was a bit rough as we were nursing hangovers, but the day turned out to be perfect with a few more hours by the pool and more intimate conversation. We talked a lot about Justina and my relationship with her, and now the tone was completely different. Jeannie was completely supportive and, now, even energized and excited about where this was going. It was also noted that when they first met there seemed to be a possible spark between them; and now we were openly exploring the possibility that they might connect, too. I’d be very excited by that prospect, but we’ve also never considered a triad, so I’m cautious about this. More on that another time.
Let’s send Justina a photo!
Besides the triad considerations, Jeannie was encouraging me to text Justina and to send photos, which was a “violation” of our agreement. However, she noted, accurately, that we set that rule to be sure we connected with each other, first. Now that we did, she wanted us to connect with our partners, too. It was really a beautiful sentiment and the texts (and photos) were appreciated by Justina. During our last hour before departure, Jeannie was able to connect with Sam, and while his follow up wasn’t entirely what Jeannie wanted, it helped to keep her from forming her own wildly incorrect (and painful) conclusions.
As we left Miami and our anniversary weekend behind, I cannot begin to say how thankful I am for this short, important trip. We were supposed to be in Turkey, I had FOMO about not being with friends in Prague, yet, in the end, the universe put us precisely where we needed to be in that moment and for that weekend. We are both so completely refueled and excited about what else is to come!