I’m on Fire!

Oh what a difference a day couple of weeks makes.

It’s hard to believe that just over two weeks ago I was talking about my sex and dating rut, and my “Impostor Syndrome” feelings. Then in basically just the last week everything has gotten very dialed in. And dialed up!

While the tipping point was less than a week ago, it already feels like a lifetime ago. I mean this in the best way… I was feeling a little “left out” of our poly lifestyle lately and now I feel like that could never have been the case.

So, what happened?

After a few weeks of flirty texts I made plans with Justina who I’d met through the friends (and friends of friends) who I dance with at raves. We’d connected over a few topics on text but only barely knew each other in person. Yet once we made a simple common interest connection (polyamory) suddenly we were sending playful messages on the daily. I invited her to join me (and possibly Jeannie) for a monthly Poly Cocktails event and she was very interested. A few days before the event, we reconfirmed and made plans to meet first for dinner and drinks.

I truly want to be as open and honest with partners as I can be, but I’m still finding parts of dating and open communication with a new person to be a little awkward. I wanted to be sure that Justina knew I felt that this was a date, and to confirm she felt the same way. About 15-minutes into dinner I asked, “So, do you consider this a date?” And she playfully responded with the question, “Do you want this to be a date?”

“Yes,” I responded and then she paused… and the pause lasted a little longer than I was comfortable… and then she smiled and said, “I’m just messing with you, this is totally a date!”


Our dinner conversation was entirely inappropriate in public and the tables were very close to each other. (OK – maybe not entirely, but you get the idea.) The couple on one side of us was so into each other there was no chance they were listening. And when a couple was sat on the other side of us I’m pretty sure the word kink was spoken loudly enough that she immediately began to listen to us more than her partner!

So we finished up at dinner and walked over to Poly Cocktails, enjoying the unfettered conversation even though the topics were very personal and somewhat sacred. One of my favorite things about Justina is how we can talk lightly about heavy topics and it feels so easy… while still allowing all of the importance of these topics to be considered and handled accordingly.

Looking around the room I asked, “Do you see anything you like on offer?”

We walked around the room and Poly Cocktails and casually joked about who we may or may not be interested in. But while unspoken, it seemed that what we were most into was learning more about each other. So instead of mixing and mingling, we got cozy on a couch and just talked for the next 2+ hours.

During our conversation we talked openly about so many sensitive topics, yet there was never any awkwardness or a question that couldn’t be asked. Several times I was a bit vague in describing what I’d like from Justina and I truly love that she asked me to be more specific several times. I don’t consider myself shy, but when I know I like someone, I can get a bit tongue-tied and, well, shy! Justina has a subtle power to push for specifics that I really enjoyed.

“Yes, all those things!”

By way of example, I tried to express precisely what I was interested in, physically, with Justina and I said something that was very open to interpretation. She forced me to be more specific and I eventually said, “I want to dance with you while touching you, I want to hug and snuggle with you, and I want to kiss you.” I asked if that met with her desires and she said, “Yes, all those things!” It was such a hot and powerful moment for me and I felt so good expressing this verbally and receiving “enthusiastic consent” (a topic I’ll likely write about soon).

We never did really interact with anyone at the cocktail mixer – other than a couple of brief introductions. Instead, we were fully immersed in each other in this safe and cozy place, and it was absolutely delicious. We were just enjoying dropping into each other and getting to know the beautiful body and soul sitting across from us.

“Yes, same!”

As I played back the dialogue the next day I realized that the most said phrase by each of us was, “Yes, same,” or something similar, in response to various disclosures about our desires. The was a favorite frame for me and a sure sign that I’d connected with someone on an authentic level. At least I knew I’d found a kinky, poly friend, even if we had nothing more together.

And I saved the best for last… Meaningful connection is paramount, but Justina is the full package as I think she’s a total hot babe, too! I like to say I’m sapiosexual and that is generally true. But it certainly helps fan the flames when the attraction is physical, too.

NEXT UP WITH JUSTINA: A date with some ropes and meeting Jeannie. (And in the meantime, continued flirty texts.)

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My wife is the love of my life and my absolute soulmate. So why are we exploring polyamory and other sexual experiences that are often considered socially unacceptable? Read on to find out! Spoiler Alert: These things are AWESOME and have strengthened our marriage in ways you might not expect. Or believe.

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