Getting Better at BDSM

I was a little disappointed to say goodbye to Brady but was actually more disappointed to give up what had seemed to be an exciting D/s relationship. I have clearly been seeking such an arrangement for some time by evidence of other potential connections and matches on the app that had, as of yet, yielded nothing.

However, more recently, I matched with Gary who has significant experience and knowledge in the D/s scene. In fact, while I was unaware of this until we met face-to-face, he actually teaches classes around the city and plans to write an instructional guidebook on the subject.

Needless to say, he was aghast when I shared my Brady story with him, but thankfully he recognized that I was aware of my mistakes and would be much wiser going forward. We had a lovely first date at a wine bar near Union Square and talked through our interests and desires in connection with life in general and BDSM in particular.

Fittingly, I had had a conversation with T earlier in the day which had helped me reflect on my previous D/s experiences and get clarity on my desires for such interactions in the future. I shared with her an interesting point I had read that afternoon, which talked about BDSM practitioners requiring more intellectual (as opposed to animalistic) stimulation with regard to their sexual arousal. In return, she suggested the book The Erotic Mind, which I now have on my list to read.

I also realized that the past D/s scenes with Viktor had only scratched the surface due to our lack of experience and knowledge, but also perhaps due to the equal nature of our day-to-day relationship. Given that Gary is both new to me and well versed in these arts, I am eager to explore this side of myself in a safe, sane, consensual way. As someone who has significant difficulty relaxing and letting go (in all things), I am especially intrigued about the concept of subspace – entering into an altered psychological state as a result of the experience. Having not been in this state before, I am unable to provide a good description, so instead, please see this blog post.

For now, Gary and I have a date scheduled for early August and, in the meantime, he has texted me images of various implements that he has at his disposal such as canes and paddles. However, he spoke a lot about floggers and seemed to imply that this might be the key for me to really get into subspace. Will this really happen? Time will tell… and so will I!