I waited until I was 18 to lose my virginity; not ancient but not precocious either. I then married at age 26 with only a handful of serious sexual relationships in between. The next 15+ years were those with limited sex. I wouldn’t say that we had a sexless marriage per se, but perhaps more correctly an undersexed marriage. Therefore, I don’t feel as experienced as I might given my current age and feel very new to many aspects of sex itself aside from my journey into the realm of polyamory and an open marriage. So, I sometimes feel a little lost and unsure if I am “doing it right,” when I am with new partners who have more knowledge and exposure than I have.

All about that bass
You want to stick what where? What’s up with the fascination with anal sex? This has to be the most common question I am asked when we start talking about sexual likes and dislikes. I guess I am pretty sheltered in this regard because I didn’t realize how mainstream this seems to have become.

The answer is no; I don’t do anal sex. For one thing, I’m afraid of the pain, for another, it simply never appealed to me on the face of it. Do I really need yet another orifice in which some guy can stick his cock?

That being said, the prevalence of the practice and good reviews (read: intense orgasms) from Mia have peaked my interest into at least considering it. I’m still scared and to be honest a little bit grossed out. If anything happens in this regard, I have decided that I will let Viktor be the one to initiate me since I am sure that trust is an absolute in moving forward (umm, backward? 😊).

Aside from the discussion of anal sex, I am still learning about my own body and its ability to orgasm. I also feel a little anxious about my skills regarding oral sex. While I had been with other men prior to marrying Viktor, most of those were not in the context of a long-term relationship in which I felt comfortable to really engage with the person, nor do I recall receiving any type of feedback (good or bad).

Moreover, it feels somewhat weird to see new cocks after having seen the same (and only) one for the past 20 years. I am starting to get over the discomfort with male nudity and male sexuality as I truly connect with each person and immerse myself in the pursuit of pleasure.

In any case, I know that my sexual knowledge and experience are growing slowly over time, so my innocence will fade, but I do hope that I still retain a little bit of it, at least with respect to the wonder of new beginnings and experiences.

In the meantime, I look forward to expanding my horizons with hands-on learning, occasional classes and continued reading in this realm. As noted, I do desire to stay a little innocent, but I definitely don’t want to be ignorant.

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While happily married to my soulmate for 20+ years, after years of body shame and sexual shutdown, I am ready to step into my sexual power as we open up our relationship and explore the possibilities.

3 thoughts on “Innocent’ish”

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