While Elvis crooned, “A little less conversation, a little more action, please” and also – funnily enough in this context – went on to ask for “more bite” and “less fight,” it’s not exactly a recipe for success in BDSM.
Admittedly, although Viktor and I took a full-day course with Dom Om Rupani, once upon a time, we are still relatively new to the scene. And, I am more aware of my naivete now that I have had time to reflect on my encounter with Brady.
As I traveled home from our date, Brady texted me to thank me for a lovely evening and added, “Next time. Hopefully soon.” Nearly two weeks passed without comment, so I sent him a quick “Happy Friday.” He responded later that day, at which point I advised him that I was surprised not to have heard from him for a debrief of our scene. He apologized for the lack of communication, citing an upcoming deadline for his latest book along with planned travel.
While I acknowledged his busy schedule, I pushed back on my request for a debrief. He agreed, promised to be in touch upon his return home and followed up accordingly. We eventually arranged to meet for a drink on a Saturday afternoon at the King Cole Bar at the St. Regis Hotel (he apparently has a love of classic NYC hotels).
Soon after we arrived, we dove into the conversation. He immediately revealed that he wasn’t interested in pursuing anything further with me but was open to discussing the scene. He further admitted that he was really surprised by my request and my reference to it as a “debrief.” It was clear that although he fancies himself a Dom, he really isn’t that experienced or knowledgeable about proper practices.
However, as we continued to talk, the importance of such aftercare really hit home for him. I explained that I had been uncomfortable because I didn’t know when the scene was supposed to end and that we hadn’t really discussed our mutual desires and expectations. For example, I had known that he liked spanking from his profile, but that hadn’t been a part of our activities and I really didn’t know what he did or didn’t want from me over the course of the night.
Once he recognized how his actions (or rather the lack of them) had impacted our scene and safety, Brady apologized profusely and owned his mistakes. And, I took responsibility for my part as well. Overall, we agreed that his desire to get to know Jeannie so quickly after only one date was too much, too soon. And, that an in-depth discussion should have taken place well before I put on that collar. So, we completed our conversation, bid each other goodbye and went our separate ways. But, you can bet I’m keeping the collar!
Elvis Presley, A Little Less Conversation (partial lyrics)
A little less conversation, a little more action, please
All this aggravation ain’t satisfactioning me
A little more bite and a little less bark
A little less fight and a little more spark
Close your mouth and open up your heart and, baby, satisfy me
Satisfy me, baby