I started and stopped writing this post numerous times because some of the autobiographical details were derailing my momentum. But, after much thought, I realized that they weren’t relevant to the story I wanted to tell. Suffice it to say, for various reasons, I had been feeling a bit off for about a week or so. In fact, there was almost an anxious, manic feeling and I felt driven to do something, but wasn’t sure what to do.
Among the things I did do, was return to the dating app in the hope of finding a date for the weekend since Viktor would be at raves on both Friday and Saturday nights.
In addition, I realized that in the wake of my Heteroflexible, Bi-curious or Bisexual post, I really did want to manifest my desire to be intimate with women, so I started to look more earnestly for possible matches in this regard as well.
After some online chatting, I made plans to meet up with a number of men, but two of the three dates were cancelled. And, then I had a weird virtual Dom from Ireland / possible scam incident, which was unsettling. Thus, by the end of the week, I was emotionally charged, but tried to push through as if everything was fine.
In this somewhat altered state, I attended Kasia Urbaniak (of The Academy)’s event, Fearless Desires. Among her pearls of wisdom, she noted that you feel real, true embodied desire in the body as sensation, emotion, mood and that it doesn’t go away; it takes our attention until it is met and, you have no say in what you want. Her message really struck home with me and I felt even more vulnerable and fragile. Later on, I came across a friend’s Facebook post highlighting the need to put attention and energy on what you wish to manifest. OK Universe, messages received loud and clear!
On Saturday morning, Viktor and I finally took the time to connect and I was able to be open and vulnerable, sharing with him all that had been coming up for me — the tumble and jumble of emotions, questions, concerns, unmet desires and fears. I cried for a bit and felt more calm and settled as he held me close.
Then, Viktor asked if I wanted to watch some Erica Lust or get tied up by him. I chose the latter, craving the opportunity to surrender and let go. We soon headed to the bedroom, where he proceeded to secure me to the bedposts, give me a sensual massage and then fuck me intensely. It was insanely hot, erotic and pleasurable! Afterward, I felt so much better! Little did I know what our sexcapade had unleashed.
In my post-sex glow, I primped and pampered myself as I got ready for my date with Pierre. We had a really nice time getting to know each other and agreed to go out again. The positive experience really fed and filled me, fueling my further preparations as I headed home to metamorphose into a bunny in time for that evening’s erotic party (which sported a Playboy Mansion theme). Perhaps I was becoming the proverbial rabbit pulled from the magic hat?
On my way to the party, there were a flurry of messages from Jon (who had been silent for a bit) and some of the dating app flakes (aka those who had started and stopped conversations a week plus ago). I realized that something had shifted in my energy, allowing these communications to flow more freely.
When I arrived at the party, I immediately connected with Jake and Mia, with whom I had been texting earlier in the week. Jake had been encouraging me to attend, which I decided to do at the last minute, after being invited to perform a sensual dance at the event (which had definitely been a desire of mine).
While chatting with Mia, she introduced me to Dash. Dash and his wife, Dahlia, are relatively new to the lifestyle and were very intrigued with Viktor’s and my story. I was eager to talk with them about their experiences and desires and share mine with them. Plus, Dahlia was incredibly sexy and beautiful! And, Dash mentioned that she was into women. Thank you, Universe!
Later, I went over to hang out with Ryan and catch up a little bit. I hadn’t expected to see him at the event, so it was a pleasant surprise to hang out with him. He mentioned that he wanted to speak with me about one of my recent blog posts (so gratifying to know that people are reading this!). It was a very thoughtful conversation and I so greatly appreciated his insight and perspective.
Then, it was time for the ritual and my dance. It is always intoxicating for me to dance – to feel the attention and gaze of the audience, but also to feel the way my body moves and connects with the music and my sensuality.
After my performance, Ryan asked me if he could replace my bodysuit with a rope “corset” and have me walk around as an “advertisement” for his Shibari skills. I initially joked that I needed to take a second edible, but then readily agreed, removed my leotard and proceeded to let him tie me up. He threaded the rope around my neck, crisscrossed it in diamond pattern down my body, sliding it between my legs. I could feel the constriction of the rope as it pulled on my torso; it was slightly uncomfortable and very erotic. I dutifully went off to showcase Ryan’s work, surprisingly comfortable to be so nude and vulnerable in just rope and a thong.
I next spent time catching up with Tim who I hadn’t seen since the November party. He noted that he wanted to hire me for his office (more manifesting)! Then, I connected with Dash and Dahlia again. As we were talking, Dash suggested that we continue our conversation horizontally, so we went back downstairs and found a comfortable place on the mattresses. We shared and talked openly, and then we began to kiss and caress each other. Still bound, my range of motion was somewhat stifled, and I felt a bit like I was wearing a chastity belt, but it was fun.
At some point, Ryan came to check on me and released me from my bondage. I continued to explore Dash and Dahlia’s bodies, enjoying the touch and feel of them both and enjoying receiving their touches as well now that my body was freed from its restraints. Eventually I took a break from them and wandered off, running into Jake who made good on his promise to give me a very pleasurable, erotic massage.
A little while later, Dash and Dahlia were getting ready to leave and offered me a ride home, which I gratefully accepted (having desired to conjure a ride home before I even got to the party). I was disappointed not to spend more time with Ryan, but I made sure to find him and say goodbye.
I arrived home in a state of bliss, further enhanced by seeing a text from Antonio, who was eager to meet up and play with Viktor and me, and whose list of interests and hobbies were so aligned with ours, as well as one from a wine distributor guy, Jeff.
I also noticed an earlier text from Viktor and, in texting him back, determined that he was his way home from his rave, so I stayed up so we could share our nights with one another. We fell into bed exhausted after such an amazing day!
Was our lovemaking really the source of all of this magic and manifestation? Who knows. But, I truly believe that our intimate connection and energy are extremely powerful and capable of more than we can fathom.