How (not) to win friends and influence people

man and woman holding heart boards

Men often complain that dating sites are more favorable for women. The numbers may bear this out in some regard, but it is clear from the numerous profiles I have now viewed on the dating app I am using, that many men either don’t have a clue or maybe they are just plain idiots.

While there isn’t one right profile that gets me to click in hope of matching, I have several deal-breakers:

  • No profile text included whatsoever — If you can’t be bothered to make an effort before we’ve even met, I have no hope that you will make any effort for me; next!
  • A cat in your top/cover profile pic; I’m just not a cat person and frankly, I think it is weird to feature your pet so prominently in your profile.
  • No face included in your photo or simply a torso shot – I tried being less superficial, but I need to know that I find you attractive from the beginning.
  • Measurements (other than height) or the phrases “hung” or “well hung”.
  • Really bad photos such as you in front of a urinal, etc. – don’t you have any friends who you could ask to take a decent, non-bathroom shot of you?
  • Baseball caps…in all of your photos (Dude, I just can’t).

Conversely, the things that do attract me:

  • Nice selection of photos indicating a range of interests.
  • Photos where I can clearly see your face.
  • General attraction to said face.
  • Intriguing/honest/genuine profile text.
  • Specific interests that match mine such as D/s or Shibari.
  • Humor.
  • Age appropriate – I generally find that I am more interested in the 40-somethings than the 30-somethings.

The good thing is that I can easily and quickly weed out the guys who are clearly not a match for me and spend more time reading through the remaining profiles to find those who are. Although frankly, I need to take a break from the app since I now have a very full dance card.

Published by


While happily married to my soulmate for 20+ years, after years of body shame and sexual shutdown, I am ready to step into my sexual power as we open up our relationship and explore the possibilities.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.