A Coming Out Party (of sorts)

people drinking liquor and talking on dining table close up photo

Amidst a flurry of texts from my myriad of admirers (😊), I received a text from Jay noting that he was taking the day off on Tuesday and asking if I would like to meet up for coffee or lunch. We arranged to meet at 1:00 pm after my dance class. At the last minute, we discovered that our chosen restaurant wouldn’t open in time, so we made a game-time decision to go to my favorite, local wine bar. I had mentioned the bar to Jay on our first date, but he hadn’t yet been.

I had messaged Jay to let him know I was running just a few minutes late, but told him that I was worth the wait. He assured me that I was and that he was fine hanging at the bar while he waited. When I arrived, I found Jay talking to the wine bar’s owner, Bill. It turned out that the two of them knew each other from the past (more synchronicity). I greeted Jay warmly but was admittedly anxious about being too demonstrative since Bill knows Viktor and me. Yet I knew that I had to say something, or I would feel entirely stifled during our date. So, I took a deep breath, walked over to the bar and told Bill I needed to tell him something. I asked him if he remembered making a cute comment on my Instagram account about polyamory in wine bars, a few months back. He didn’t quite remember, but I left the “p word” hanging there to indicate what was presently going on. I wanted him to know that I wasn’t cheating on Viktor and that he didn’t have to report me to the marriage police.

It was still a little awkward and embarrassing, mostly because there was only one other customer there (it’s more wine bar than lunch place) and it was brightly lit. Despite the obstacles, I managed to focus on Jay and we proceeded to have a lovely date.

On our first date, I had mentioned this blog to Jay, but afterward, when I discussed it with Viktor, we wondered if it had been a big mistake to do so. I tried not to think about it too much, but made a mental desire that, if Jay had, in fact, read the blog, that he would reveal so with a sexy or sweet comment. He delivered on the desire and while I was blushing considerably during our conversation, it was clear that he was greatly appreciative of my honesty and vulnerability.

As we spoke, Jay encouraged me to continue to write my posts without censoring myself in spite of knowing that he may read my words. I am holding him to his word and trust that he will use this knowledge for good instead of evil.

Moreover, there was an incredible rush as we talked about the blog and the posts he had read, but I realized that I felt so raw and naked that I couldn’t hold his gaze; instead, I needed the protection of looking away. In retrospect, I was fully embodying one of my core Erotic Creatures (ala Sheila Kelley and S Factor): the Shy Reluctant Enigma. I apologized to Jay for my seemingly negative body language, but he seemed to understand and respect what I needed.

Interestingly, I wonder if Jay having this insight will significantly impact the way we interact. In a way, this knowledge might permit us to circumvent a lot that might happen when you don’t know someone well since he knows such intimate details about me and my psyche. He implied that he would take this information into consideration with which to approach our future encounters; it’s almost as if he has a user’s manual…for me. It was super scary and sexy as hell!

We eventually agreed it was time to depart, so we left the wine bar, hugged and kissed for a few minutes on the sidewalk and then headed to our respective homes.

Photo by Helena Lopes on Pexels.com

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While happily married to my soulmate for 20+ years, after years of body shame and sexual shutdown, I am ready to step into my sexual power as we open up our relationship and explore the possibilities.

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