Back in the Saddle

person wearing cowboy boots riding on horse

So, not long after my Singular vs Plural post, I decided to jump into the deep end with both feet. I started liking a few profiles on the dating app and before I knew it (once I got over the initial panic of matching), I was engaged in several different conversations.

I had mostly selected single men. Not because I had specifically made the choice of singular over plural, but more because I felt that Viktor had the plural route covered with the connections he was making on the app.

Having never done online dating before (we got married back in the “dark ages,” pre- dating apps), the concept was foreign, yet intriguing as I read through a variety of people’s profiles. Mostly, I wanted to mix and match my preferred faces with the more alluring descriptions, but I did find a few that held both my visual and intellectual interest. I tried to match personal interests (yes to wine) with sexual predilections (no to anal) and soon had two dates scheduled for the following week.

I was still skeptical of meeting someone in person that I had only previous seen and “met” online, but the only way to find out was to go ahead, so I did.

My first date was with Jon. He hadn’t listed much in his profile, but I was very attracted to his photos and looked forward to meeting him. I was a little nervous in anticipation of his arrival, but since I had no real attachment to the outcome at that point, it was, as Mama Gena would say, simply pleasure research. Mostly, I was excited by the prospect.

I was the first to arrive and texted Jon that I was sitting at the bar, wearing a striped dress. He easily found me and said hello. Our initial greeting was a bit awkward, as we briefly hugged and finally revealed our actual names (we had been using pseudonyms on the app) to each other. But, we were soon at ease with one another, being flirty, open and comfortable sharing on a range of topics.

At one point, he leaned in closer and we gently kissed. I was definitely turned on and was sorry it was over nearly as soon as it started. Awhile later, Jon picked up the check and we walked out together, stopping to say good bye at the corner with another kiss.

The next morning, I saw a sweet text from Jon that he had sent the night before. I replied and after a few messages back and forth, he said he would love to see me again. Swoon! I readily agreed and we scheduled another date for later in the month.

I am trying not to think about him too much, but there was an instant attraction and I think there could be real potential for a long-term lover situation, which is something that I really desire.

In the meantime, I’ve made a date with another guy for later this week, one with a guy and his girlfriend for the following week and have a few chats going on in the app with some other interesting people. Again, it’s more pleasure research and a foray into defensive dating.

For now, I am taking note of how these different interactions make me feel and am trying to stay grounded and realistic. One thing that I’ve noticed, as I keep being drawn to the app, is that I am a real attention whore. I love the adoration I feel when I match with someone and then get a text from that stranger, which is further heightened when the conversation includes compliments about me. It’s almost like getting a high, but without imbibing or smoking anything.

Of course, like any other high-inducing substance, it’s not something I want to get addicted to. But, if nothing else, I am feeling more awake and alive. A recent discussion with a friend revealed a similar re-awakening and we both wonder if the more feminine wave of energy coinciding with the Chinese New Year / lunar cycle, is to blame.  Regardless of the cause, there is no doubt that after my season of contraction, I am back.

Photo by Pixabay on

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While happily married to my soulmate for 20+ years, after years of body shame and sexual shutdown, I am ready to step into my sexual power as we open up our relationship and explore the possibilities.

3 thoughts on “Back in the Saddle”

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