The Lost Art of R-E-S-P-E-C-T

RespectWe’ve long known that chivalry is dead, but what happened to plain old respect? Aretha Franklin sang about it and Rodney Dangerfield complained that he never got any, but is it really too much to ask?

As we have waded into the dating waters in the past several months (read Viktor’s account), I have encountered numerous instances where people clearly no longer make respect a priority in how they interact with people. And, yes, I know that I have high standards, but I don’t think that in this case I am asking for too much.

For example, at Sally’s recent party, we had the pleasure of meeting Marni. She enjoyed spending time with Viktor at the event and expressed that she was bi-curious. Viktor and I agreed that we were interested in seeing where things might lead, so we invited her out to dinner so we all could get to know one another better.

In anticipation of our date, Viktor asked Marni about her dining preferences (it turns out she is a vegetarian) and then researched some nice vegetarian restaurant options for us, eventually making a reservation for a time that Marni chose. That evening, I took my time getting ready, and both Viktor and I deliberated about what to wear, with the intention of dressing to impress for Marni.

Out of further respect for Marni, we left our apartment in plenty of time and actually arrived at the restaurant 15 minutes ahead of our reservation. The hostess graciously seated us and then we waited for Marni to arrive. And waited. About 10 minutes after our arrival, Marni sent a text that she was on her way, but then it was radio silence until she appeared at our table 30 minutes late for our date and dressed very casually in jeans and a top.

Frankly, if I had been on my own waiting for someone, I would have left, but since I was there with Viktor, I stayed put. As she got seated, Marni did apologize briefly for her tardiness, but didn’t seem particularly concerned about it and, it was clear that she hadn’t headed out much before our scheduled time, so arriving on time was never her goal. Additionally, she had made plans with a friend for after our date, making me feel that she was giving us only a very limited amount of her time. Not a great start to this relationship, but Viktor is willing to overlook these character traits, so we’ll see…

Aside from Marni, there have been other instances where respect has been disregarded. I’ve complained about ghosting in the past, but a recent text from Kevin further underscored his lack of respect for me. Last weekend I received a text from him out of the blue simply saying, “Hi Jeannie, this is Kevin, how are you?” A bit shocked, I replied, “I’m fine, but surprised to hear from you after all of these months.” He then sent me a tepid apology about a family emergency that had required him to put his life on hold that was now resolved and noted that he had been thinking of me the entire time. I thanked him for his apology and waited to see what would come next.

Sure enough, he invited me to meet up with him for coffee. I told him that while I appreciated both the apology and the invite, I was not willing to meet up because he could (and should) have simply told me that he had to put things on hold back in August (or at least September) and I would have understood and respected that need. Not to mention, I had really only asked one thing from him — not to ghost me, and yet he did/ Over and out. But, really, while ghosting is never okay, how can you think I will pick up where we left off when your last message was about wanting to have “passionate sex” with me and then you don’t get in touch again until two-plus months later? Not okay!

And, finally, there was Andy who couldn’t be bothered to plan an actual date, take responsibility for making sure I was taken care of or set a specific time to meet; dates should not have windows for arrival. Sorry, not sorry, but if you are not willing to make an effort, why should I? Plus, if you are that lazy and unwilling to put in the time and effort before we hit the sheets, I have little to no hope that you are going to be generous in bed.

So, if nothing else, all of these experiences leave me appreciating Viktor – who always treats me like the Goddess that I am – all the more.

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While happily married to my soulmate for 20+ years, after years of body shame and sexual shutdown, I am ready to step into my sexual power as we open up our relationship and explore the possibilities.

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