She Said: Welcome to the House of Love

Perhaps because the experience didn’t move along the action of any of the current (at the time) characters of my story, I neglected to write about my visit to the House of Yes’ House of Love party earlier in the summer. However, now that I have been back to this event, it is time to rectify this oversight and share both adventures.

In July, my friend Gigi and I decided to go to the House of Love: Animal event. These House of Love events are quasi-fetish parties and provide guests with an opportunity to dress up and slightly explore the fetish world. While not a true fetish club (and more R-rated compared to the more explicit erotic parties I have attended this summer), it is a great dance party, with fun activities and an edgier (read sexier) vibe than a usual dance party. If nothing else there is a frisson in the air that encourages people to be open to new experiences. For me, these parties provided the perfect backdrop in which to flit from one event to another all in the name of conducting pleasure research as I experimented with different stimuli.

In keeping with the evening’s theme, I was dressed in an animal print bodysuit, tulle mini-skirt, fishnet stockings, 5-inch heels and a floral crown. Arriving a little after 11pm on a Saturday night, Gigi and I immediately hit the dimly-lit dance floor and shortly thereafter an exotic-looking guy started dancing with me. I was pleased to have his attention, but when he kept trying to swing me around in the crowded space, I advised him that his moves weren’t really appropriate given the limited room. He pulled into the emptier bar area where there was was more space, but still wasn’t a great place for that type of dancing. In between talking, he started to kiss me. As I reveled in the feeling of being desired, I was initially open to seeing where it might lead, but soon realized that a) this Moroccan-French man was departing early in the morning to return home to France and b) he was already quite drunk. Neither was an appealing attribute and, as a combination were even less so, thus I bid him bon voyage and returned to the dance floor.

Later, as Gigi and I were getting water at the water station, a guy garbed in animal attire and lots of glitter asked if I was supposed to be a cheetah. With no specific species in mind when I designed my outfit, I replied that I was simply dressed in a generic cat print, but asked him if he were playing some sort of animal bingo, looking to check off all of the creatures on his list. (He wasn’t.) We continued our banter and went to dance together. I learned that his name was Christian, but our conversation was very un-Christian as we talked about group sex parties, turn-ons and similarly sexy topics. He had invited me to join him in the hot tub, but I declined, not wanting to get undressed or wet. We then found a quiet corner by ourselves to get more intimately acquainted. But, I eventually excused myself to go to the rest room, and ultimately didn’t return, since it was getting a bit intense. It felt like things were escalating beyond kissing and caressing, and I knew that I didn’t wish to accept his invitation to go back to his place. It was too much, too soon.

Back on the dance floor, a guy with bunny ears turned to me and demanded, “Dance with me!” I admonished him for not using the “magic word.” He remedied his error and I consented to dance with him. As we danced, he began to get closer and was then grinding against me. Intensely. At first I thought it was a little sexy, but over time, I grew uncomfortable, not finding any pleasure in it, instead feeling merely like a receptacle for his. I advised him that we could continue to dance together, but without all of the dick contact. He was very put out by my request and couldn’t understand why I had changed my mind, so I left him on the dance floor. A part of me felt badly and questioned myself as to whether I had led him on, but logically I knew that I had every right to respect my own boundaries and ask him to do the same. A bit later, Gigi and I made arrangements to head home, but before we did, I ran into Christian again who gave me his number.

The next morning, I texted Christian so that he would have my number as well and we began an explicit discussion about threesomes and D/s play (he claimed to be a Dom). Despite the intensity of our encounter, I had enjoyed his company the night before and was intrigued by his potential Dom persona and the sexcapades that might ensue.

However, as the thread about threesomes shifted from a general discussion to a more specific request as to whether I had friends I could ask to participate, I told him we were getting ahead of ourselves and requested a date sans glitter to get to know each other first. There was no reply. At all. By mid-week, I was really annoyed at his blatant dismissal of me, so I carefully crafted a text message calling him out for his rude behavior. He immediately responded with an apology and I felt vindicated, hoping that he would consider improving his behavior with other women in the future.

Overall, I had enjoyed attending the party and felt that I had learned a lot about which experiences were pleasurable for me and which weren’t. So, when another friend mentioned the August edition of House of Love, I thought it would be fun to return. This time the theme was Red, so I donned a red corset on top and a similar skirt/fishnets/heels combo below.

Gigi was again on-board, and this time Viktor was to be a part of the festivities. I was both excited and nervous to have Viktor in attendance as it was our first foray together at this type of an event since our decision to pursue non-monogamy.

Before heading to House of Yes, we met up with Gigi and shared our general desires for the evening. While I wasn’t sure what to expect this time compared to last time, I generally looked forward to another fun night of dancing and flirting. I also felt that I was getting clearer on what were turn-offs (overt grinding) and what were turn-ons (compliments and kisses). And admittedly, I hoped to run into Christian to have my own Pretty Woman moment – Hi! Nice to see you. Remember when we talked about threesomes and you blew me off? Big mistake!*

I wasn’t sure how best to balance my desire to meet potential lovers with my desire to make sure that Viktor had a good time. In this regard, I was really glad that Gigi would be with us thinking that if we all danced together, it wouldn’t hamper anyone’s ability to attract attention and appear available, rather than if Viktor and I were dancing as a pair. In hindsight, I should have voiced these concerns with Viktor before we went and saved us some awkward moments, but this is new territory for both of us. And, despite a few hiccups, it generally went well, but more communication is never a bad thing.

Early on in the night, Gigi received a spanking from a leather-clad guy. Although she enjoyed the sensation play, she did joke that she might be a bit sore sitting down the next day. I briefly considered following her lead, but since Viktor and I had learned about such play during a D/s class a few years ago, I decided that there wasn’t enough time or trust to calibrate the intensity preference at the party and chose to forgo the opportunity. But, I do want to experience this kind of play under more conducive circumstances in the future.

Once her spanking was complete, we headed to the dance floor. Not long after, a guy started to dance with me and introduced himself as Andy. Soon Andy was teaching me ballroom dance moves (it was much less crowded this time due to the holiday weekend). It was a lot of fun and I delighted in the playfulness and connection. He offered to buy me a drink, and we headed outside to get to know one another. Among our topics of conversation, he asked me what my fetishes were (given that we were at a fetish party) and I shared that I was into bondage as a way to more fully surrender. A few moments later, as I was mid-sentence, Andy began to kiss me – his own way of (gently) forcing me to surrender. I felt into the kiss, decided that I liked it and kissed him back. We continued to kiss and talk for some time. Throughout our interaction, it was clear that he was very into me (or at least good at pretending he was), paying me beautiful compliments and calling me perfect. This is the type of attention that I crave: to be seen and to feel truly desired.

Andy wanted to be more private and took me to one of the single-stall bathrooms. He kissed me and then went down on me, but it wasn’t relaxing or particularly pleasurable amidst the noise of party-goers banging on the door, so I stopped him and we exited the bathroom. From there, we went to watch some bad 70s porn in the designated porn room, during which he fingered me. But, eventually I grew bored with the movies and we returned to the dance floor. Upon our return, we coincidentally found Viktor who expressed his interest in spending time with me. I explained the situation to Andy who respectfully took his leave.

As I participated in these varied experiences with Andy, I kept checking in with myself to make sure that I was doing what was in my pleasure. I am trying to tease out what I am doing for me instead of doing things for men or doing them simply because they are expected. In theory, those days are over, but old habits die hard. And, I am understanding how I want the attention and pursuit as it makes me feel even sexier, adds to my confidence and feeds my turn on.

I did find Andy again before we left and got his number, sending a quick text since he didn’t have his phone on him. He texted the next day, following through on an invite he had issued the evening before but, as I had had a scant four hours of sleep (if that), I asked for a raincheck and spent the night at home with Viktor.

*In the film, Vivian says to the salesclerk, “I was in here yesterday. You wouldn’t wait on me. You work on commission right? Big mistake. Big. Huge! I have to go shopping now.”

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