And then there was none…

apple apple device blur cell phone

As I recently relayed, I sunsetted my relationship with Hank a few weeks ago and felt good about that decision. While I was hoping to find someone new with whom to establish a long-term situation, I knew that I still had Kevin in play (so to speak) and was looking forward to exploring that relationship in more depth. However, it seems to have fizzled in a most confusing manner.

When we first connected, Kevin not only texted me, but also called me on occasion. After our overnight date, which had ostensibly gone so well, he went a bit silent, so I reached out with a Bitmoji a week later. He immediately responded with his own Bitmoji and expressed interest in planning another date. I asked him for clarification on what might work for him so that I could send possible dates, but there was no response.

Then, nearly two weeks later, he texted to say hello and said he missed me. Really? If you really missed me you wouldn’t have waited so long to reach out, but anyway, this time he specifically asked me when I was free to get together. I sent him five possible dates, which he acknowledged and noted that he would respond after figuring out his travel schedule for work.

This exchange was followed by a flurry of texts referencing the fun we had on our previous date and his anticipation of having hot passionate sex on our upcoming one. I shared that I was also looking forward to our sexual rendez-vous.

But, he never got back to me to select a date. Feeling a bit confused, I sent him a text a full week later expressing said confusion, but again there was no response. And, just in case there was anything amiss, I followed up with one last missive that expressed my concern and hoped that he was okay. Still crickets. So, I am not sure what happened, but I am writing him off at this point.

Given all of this, while this is first and foremost about navigating the journey of an open marriage, it has also become a lesson in modern dating. The last time I dated was back in the mid 90s and I don’t remember thinking it was so great even then. But, now, with the advent of technology, I am finally seeing firsthand what so many of my friends have been complaining about for years.

My biggest pet peeve is this notion of ghosting. I don’t understand why people don’t have the wherewithal to be straight with you. If you are no longer interested, fine, just let me know. I am a grown woman and can handle it. I think it is much ruder to simply disappear than to say “Thanks, but no thanks,” especially after you have already gone out a few times and been quite intimate with one another. It is NOT okay to exchange bodily fluids and then be unwilling/unable to exchange one last text!

My other big complaint is the lack of consistent communication, nearly all of which is relegated to text format, especially since almost no one seems to take the time to write out full sentences, check that what they’ve written makes sense, etc. There is a lot of reading between the lines. And, really, why are people so sloppy? Fix the typos, folks! I am not asking for erudite language, but if I don’t know you well, it is extremely difficult to understand what you are trying to communicate if you aren’t clear, misspell numerous words and worse. Plus, there is the fact that written communication is much more challenging to interpret since we don’t have tonal inflections, body language or eye contact to provide cues as to whether someone is being flip, sarcastic, etc.

I don’t need to speak on the phone for hours, but why has the art of the phone call died such a tragic death? It seems like we should call it a cell text instead of a cell phone if we aren’t going to use the phone function.

Photo by Terje Sollie on

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While happily married to my soulmate for 20+ years, after years of body shame and sexual shutdown, I am ready to step into my sexual power as we open up our relationship and explore the possibilities.

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