In swinger circles there is a lot of insider shorthand used to communicate effectively. While some of it seems a little silly, the intent is to assure that everyone has an effective way of communicating clearly. This is super important as individuals or couples may have certain behaviors or activities they really want to try, or others that are completely off the table. Upfront communication is critical.
Consent and communication are key. And NOTHING is permissible without consent.
Take, for example, the critical boundaries set by couples as they engage with each other. If two couples agree to swap, one of the first things they will agree upon is that the activity is a Soft Swap (outercourse only) or a Full Swap (intercourse permissible.) Further, participants need to clearly communicate any “hard limits” (activities they will not allow) and/or anything they may really want to experience. Consent and communication are key. And NOTHING is permissible without consent.
When people meet at an erotic party or a swingers club, there is obviously an expectation of sexual encounter. However, that doesn’t mean that the events are a giant orgy where strangers suddenly begin touching each other, or more, without communication. Sure, there may be orgies at events like these, but there’s also an opportunity “meet and greet” and get to know possible new partners. The events offer a safe haven to begin a conversation with the understanding that everyone at the event is at least interested in exploration. (It would probably be awkward to meet a couple at a neighborhood bar and suddenly ask, “would your wife be interested in a DP?” [What’s DP? Look it up!])
So when two couples agree to swap, they must first set the basic expectation of Soft Swap or Full Swap. To many it almost seems that once you are swapping, what’s the point in a Soft Swap? But to others, the strong emotions attached to intercourse are very important ones to both acknowledge and protect. Sucking dick and eating pussy may be explicit activities, but for many, they can be detached emotionally and, therefore, enjoy pure physical pleasure with no emotional baggage. Intercourse isn’t always that simple and carries with it so many feelings, whether rational or not. Therefore, intercourse has its own special place for participants who swap.
After 20+ years of monogamy, we were about to embark on our first Full Swap.