Many will find the title of the post shocking. Many want to never, EVER, talk about KINK.
Society not wanting to acknowledge KINK is precisely why I am talking about KINK.
There’s soooooo much to talk about here, but the bottom line is this… Kink is normal. Kink is fine. Kink is FUN! OK, not everyone will find it fun; it won’t be right for everyone. But everyone should be comfortable addressing and acknowledging kink. It’s not some dirty thing that takes place in dark dungeons (well, not ONLY dark dungeons at least.) And it certainly isn’t Fifty Shades of Grey. In the D/s world (more on that in a moment) a scene or a lifestyle could be like Fifty Shades of Grey, and that’s cool. But it’s not the most common thing you’d experience.
In my first post I mentioned Jaiya’s Erotic Blueprint and I will, again, encourage you to take this quiz. My dominant erotic persona is Kink and when I discovered this, my first feeling was concern. Actually, no, perhaps it was shame. In any case, I wasn’t excited to learn that I was kinky (although deep down I suspected this and while taking the quiz it started to become obvious based on some of my honest answers.)
I’ll do a separate post (or several) on “setting the stage” for trust and communication, but let’s say for now that after 20+ years of marriage, and another decade of friendship, Jeannie and I were ready to open up to anything that came our way, and to take it on as a team. That trust lead us both to explore parts of ourselves, and each other, that were otherwise unexplored.
There was another questionnaire that we took around this time, I’m pretty sure it was also from Jaiya. This one had lists of sensual and sexual behaviors and acts. For each one you score it something like, “Hell Yeah!” or “I’d like try” or “Hmm… Maybe” or “No way!” You take this separately from your partner and then, one by one, you compare notes. When Jeannie and I did this, we spent a couple of hours on the couch with a glass of wine talking through our desires. It was eye opening. It was intriguing. It was also really f*cking hot! No, not all of our answers matched… not even close. But think about this for just a minute — you’ve got a dark, kinky secret that you’ve never told anyone; then, when you do, your partner says, “OMG! I’ve been curious about that, too!” Imagine the flames of desire fanned by this connection!
Be open. Be honest. Just enjoy!
There’s a lot more to tell, and this isn’t just about kink, but acknowledging my kink, realizing that it’s normal, and learning that we shared some kinky desires has brought us so much closer. And reignited a missing piece of the sex puzzle we’ve been trying to solve for 20+ years.